Sunday, November 26, 2017
My first blog entry was on November 13, 2009. I have fallen further into the weightloss spiral puffing up to my highest weight so far.
Shortly after beginning SparkPeople, I got to my healthiest weight and state of being:
- I didn't lose any pounds or inches that I could tell. My clothes fit exactly the same.
I got disheartened by the lack of apparent success. I woke up at 430-5 am every day and went to the gym. I ate really well. I am not a selfie person and no one told me that I was succeeding in fact they picked on me and made me feel worse.
I started the long slip into the darkest moments of my life. I didn't realize until years later looking at a few pictures from that time period and noticing I bet any moment I would have started seeing the inches and numbers fall, because I looked so good.
Of course, 50 plus pounds and my muscles atrophying and fat taking over the surface and the deep, the pictures just depressed me.
Why couldn't I see it? Why did no one support me? Encourage me? Tell me?
2009-2017. The past few years I have been trying to claw myself out of the depression I sunk.
I spent the past four days in an emotional tailspin. This morning I was watching the movie, The Christmas Train based on the book by David Baldacci.
Something sweet about it touched me.
"Hope begins when you stand in the dark looking out at the light." - John Kelly, Christmas Train