Coming to terms with reality
Monday, December 11, 2017
I'm going to be totally honest, this past couple of weeks have not been the best. I found my first gray hair (I think, anyway.) I learned that I should start wearing reading glasses, and I started physical therapy on my knee. All that in quick succession was hard on my ego. We had our children at a young age, and I have never felt my age. Until the last year or so, I really have not experienced physical limitations other than issues created by carrying too many extra pounds. You know, huffing and puffing after climbing a lot of stairs.
I am the youngest in my family, and my siblings have been gray and wearing glasses for years. Somehow, I thought that I was immune. Life is laughing at me right now. Honestly my hair going gray is not a huge concern other than having to make the eventual decision of what, if anything, to do about it. But combined with my other issues, I feel like I am falling apart. My bum knee has attributed to my weight gain, and has made it more difficult to lose weight. I was trying to do the balancing act of doing enough, but not too much. Hopefully, the physical therapy will get me back on track. The thought of wearing reading glasses just makes me cringe. The idea of having to take them on and off and keeping track of them just fills me with dread. I constantly lose my phone, and that talks back to me at least occasionally. I don't know how I will keep track of glasses that I only need part of the time. However, soon I will be working on my computer 12 hours a day or more, and I just need to suck it up. My therapist suggested a stationary bike, and I did make that purchase. I think it will be fine, but it seems a little lame, to be honest. I have only used it once, and I know that I can increase speed and resistance, but I am still working on strengthening the knee so I didn't want to push too hard. I just didn't work up a sweat. I am used to exercising, and having to change my clothes afterwards. What is happening to me? I think that I have to admit that I am now middle-age. I just don't want to feel that way. I want to feel strong, not weak and limited. I realize that a lot of people have much more serious issues to deal with, and that all of this will seems ridiculous in time, but right now I having to come to terms with my new reality. And I don't like it.