Week 1 of 25
Saturday, January 27, 2018
OK, so it's time to check in. I don't have a lot of energy, and typing is difficult, so I won't say too much.
But, I had successes and I had failures this week, like I probably will every week in this 25-week experiment. I need to be patient, which is something I struggle with in general. I need to recognize that life is not a smooth line, that journeys are not linear, and that with whatever bad that may come, there is also good and I need to just put my head down and stick with it anyway. Not get discouraged and give up because it's not the pretty picture I was hoping for. It's never going to be the pretty, easy thing that I want it to be, where suddenly everything works out. I have to learn how to accept and be ok with that, and not let it totally demoralize and burn me out.
I went from doing no yoga at all, to doing it a whopping 3 times this week. I hope to keep that up because, yes it was excruciatingly painful the first time, but I stuck to it, and now my inflammation is lower as a result. So if I can, I'm going to try to do it at least 4 times this coming week. It's just gentle stretching and deep breathing/meditation at this point, nothing terribly athletic. It's just that this disease makes it so painful, usually I do it once and then give up and don't do it again for another 6 months or a year at a time. So this time, I am going to keep going, despite the pain, and just try to take it easier and do it for shorter periods, until my blood starts circulating enough for the inflammation to be less and it starts feeling good like normal - or at least tolerable! My life is better this week than it was last week because I did the yoga a few times, and if I can get up the energy I'll do it again today.
I also managed to go kayaking once - much easier for me most of the time than walking, because I don't have to push my heart so hard when I'm sitting. That was very good for my sanity that I did that, because I never get to do anything remotely enjoyable lately. I was only out on the water for about 30 minutes, but I caught a gorgeous sunset, and some very cool wildlife. Which reminded me that I am still alive, even if it doesn't feel like it a lot, and I did choose to live here for a reason, even if I can't enjoy the local scenery often.
And then I hula hooped for 20 min, which is less than my max but a little easier, so hopefully I can do it more times per week in the future. I also managed to do 5 pushups, 4 different days this week. I hope by the end of the 25 weeks to have worked back up to 25 at least once a week, since I used to do 25 every day in the old days before I became ill.
I also moved furniture in my office, which I'm now living in, as I rent out the other rooms in my house. My new roommates didn't kill me (yet?), which is always a good sign I think!, and I managed to clean out a 2nd room in the house. My hope is by the end of the 25 weeks I will have a 3rd room cleaned out and consolidate my entire life in this one room, and either rent that 3rd room out, or at least have it ready to. I also want my office/bedroom to be organized and livable, so I know what the hell I'm doing from one minute to the next, and don't have to expend so much energy finding things. And so I will be ready to move out of this room completely and rent it out also if needed.
For me, this was a ton to do since I've been mostly bedridden these last 4 months or so. I don't know if I can keep up with it. I will need sleep, at the least! It was super disappointing then to have tried so hard and gained yet another lb this week. I know this is just medical, that I can't control the disease and my body's response, and if I'm lucky maybe it was muscle gained. But if not, the best I can do is try again next week. And try not to give up in frustration. Life is still better now that my office is a little more manageable, and hopefully I'll get to go kayaking again or do something else that isn't only work. I'm going to continue with the 5 pushups without increasing because that's still really hard for me with the heart issues, and I'll see if I can manage the hula for 20 min. twice this week instead of once.
God, just typing this feels like a marathon, and I'm breathing fast... going to need to rest a bunch tonight.