That Was A Compliment, But
Friday, February 16, 2018
I recently ran into a colleague that I had worked with for about a year before I transferred to another clinic. He is a great guy, but doesn't have a filter so he just says what comes into his mind. I hadn't seen him in almost a year when we ran into each other at our main clinic. Our conversation went like this:
Bruce: "Look at you! Congratulations you look so great!"
Bruce: "You used to be so big, but look at you!"
The thing is, I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds for the last few years. I may be 10 pounds lighter than the last time I saw him, but there isn't a visible difference. I realized that in his mind I was huge. It made me sad to think that this is the way I am remembered. I am the fat girl. It brought back all of the insecurities and self-loathing that I have felt for years.
This conversation took me to a place that I have tried so hard to escape. A dark place full of self-hatred and depression. I am pulling myself out of it and focusing on my own goals. I want to be health, active and full of energy. Right now the weight is melting off and I am down a little over two pounds this week. I am finally making progress again and feeling good about myself, but this conversation haunts me. Sometimes a compliment is not so great.