Week 4 of 25
Saturday, February 17, 2018
OK, so 1 month down of roughly 6.
This week was incredibly hard. I had to wait all day to even find the energy to type this - but thankfully, I'm feeling a little better at the moment.
It's hard to measure success in a situation like this. I work sooooo hard. All the time, every day. I am so meticulous and exact with my food, because medically I have to be. So it's not like I can really cut calories anywhere, or eat better than I already do. And I am in constant pain, all over my body, nearly every minute of every day. And I am so exhausted. So pushing myself to work out harder, is rough, and really takes a toll on my body. Like last night, I was in so much pain from it that I didn't fall asleep until 4AM - which is not very healthy. Even so, I am committed if nothing else, so I improved in multiple areas this week. But still, I didn't lose a single lb. So in a full month of what feels like practically killing myself, I only lost 1lb total.
BUT, I can last a little longer doing some things, and I CAN see better muscle definition this week. I am the same size, but I look in a little better shape than I did before. I can only hope if I keep it up, eventually I will actually get smaller, and lose some actual weight.
I kayaked 3 times this week, versus 0 times last week. It was tough, because I felt terrible, but it was good to get out on the water and get some air, and watch the sunset. I really never want to go a week after this without being on the water at least once a week, for mental health if nothing else. So, that's progress.
I also managed to do yoga 3 times this week, versus only once last week. That definitely helped my circulation and pain levels, so I want to keep doing it. My goal is to do at least 4 times this coming week, and I hope to maintain that hereafter. I have to try to make it a priority, even when I can't do other things.
I maintained doing 10 pushups, but I only did it once this week versus 3 times last week. But that was because I had a serious heart problem this week and it was dangerous for me to lean upside-down. So I was glad at least to not lose the number I could do, even though I couldn't really work on those muscles.
I did 2 hrs of really hard weeding in the yard one day. That's versus twice a previous week, but again, with the heart problem, I really just couldn't do anymore. So that's ok. At least I did some. And that was a lot, considering (I really shouldn't have, but I was just frustrated that so little yardwork was getting done).
I managed to hula hoop for 20 min. twice this week, which was the same as last week. It was tough to do, and I just managed to squeeze it in at the end of the week after the heart problem got a little better. But it really does seem to do a great job of defining muscles, and still causes me to sweat and have to use aerobic work also, so that seems like a good length to keep working at for now. It's very similar really to jogging, which in the old days when I was healthy was basically the only thing that ever worked to make me lose weight - so since I still can't jog because of a calf injury and my inability to walk safely without falling over, this is a great substitute for me. So glad (and rather surprised) I can do it, and so the goal in the coming week is to do it at least 3 times a week. I want to work up to 30 min, 5 times a week, which I'm guessing will finally help me lose weight if nothing else does up to that point. But my body just can't take that much yet. So for now, I have to be content to work myself up in tolerance week by week.
I also increased my anaerobic activity, which I'm proud of, because it is really tough for me, but it does produce way better results for the effort than most other things. So I did 5 lunges on each side again once, and then increased to 10 lunges another day. That was really hard, because the pain in my hips was almost unbearable, but the yoga is helping to circulate all that lactic acid and junk out of my joints finally - so if I stick to the yoga, the more times a week I do it, the more times a week it seems like I can do anaerobic exercises. And the more intense the yoga sessions (which are essentially physical therapy for me), the more reps I can manage of the anaerobic exercises. I'm hoping to work up to 15 or even 20 lunges this coming week, if I can increase the yoga to help with the joint pain from my disease. But lunges are always amazing, because they always show dramatic results in how my butt looks with only a few times a week. They are always worth putting in the effort to increase. I also added, for the first time in prob 8 months, doing 30 thigh squats. I did not bother working up, but just jumped to 30, which is the bare minimum I used to do when I was in shape. That wasn't really strategy - that was just lack of patience. I figured doing the yoga the next day would help with the pain caused by doing extra, so I figured I'd rather just knock everything out all at once, and then rest for a few days if I had to. Hopefully I'll stay at 30, but maybe do it 2 or 3 times in the coming week instead of just once like this week.
So the goal of this 25 week program was to improve my quality of life. And, even if I'm not at all on track to lose the 25lbs I have to lose (at this rate, I'd only lose about 6, which would be kind of devastating for the amount of energy and pain I'm putting in - and considering I feel like I've been at this every day for 2 years already and really should be there already!), I guess it seems like I am at least improving in what I can do. I know with this illness there are a lot of setbacks, and I can do all that work and end up with a serious problem that puts me back to being bedridden for months and I can lose all that work and have to start over from scratch again. So I know that's a big possibility, and it's happened before. But the stronger I am, the more I can do in the meantime, and the stronger I'll be to survive whatever the next setback might be. So that's the best I can do.
I'm not 100% sure what I'd be satisfied with at this point. But, I really do want to be able to put whatever clothes on that I want to, and run out the door on a day that I feel well enough without having to worry at all how I look, if they're flattering, etc. I just want to be able to wear what's comfortable, or what I like that style of... and it has been sooooo long since I could choose clothes based on those criteria, and not on what hides the things I don't like the best, or on what fits my ever-changing body this particular week without hanging off or being too tight. I would love to just feel healthy.
It's so annoying that everybody always says how much losing weight and being healthy causes you to feel "so much more energy" - and yet after losing 46lbs, I did not feel even a tiny bit more energy than I did before I lost it all. But that is a disease issue, and not typical of the vast majority of people I guess. Still, for all the work, I really would have liked this to be the tiniest bit damn easier by now. But, I AM really grateful to have been able to lose the weight at all, which I did not think would be possible because I had been trying for years since I got this disease. I'd WAY rather be ill and be the size I am now, which is basically average if a bit curvy, than the 40 lbs and 4-6 sizes larger that I was before while being ill - especially since I live in a hot place.
So in the first month, that's some progress, if not the amount I wanted. Let's see how much I improve in Month 2!