I saw a saying today that really hit home with me. How you do anything, is how you do everything.
As you know from reading my previous blogs, my life was turned upside down, actually more than once over the past two years. I certainly don't want this to become a way of life. I would love to report that the issues have been resolved, but that is not so. However I have resolved my issues. I realize I have to accept what is, and move forward, without fear, bitterness, anger or resentment. I have to tell you that has not been easy! Your comments and prayers have been so appreciated. My faith will keep me going. I am praying my daughter finds the peace and solace she is seeking. I am grateful that she is alive, and that is a comfort. As she is rolling through other family members and disenfranchising them, I have been able to provide comfort and prayers for them. My youngest son at least talked with her, and she said she was tired of people manipulating her. She said she was backing away to get control of her life. There is only 12 months and two weeks difference in their ages and they have always been close. He has decided to let her be her and do as she wishes. Good choice- we will continue to hold her in our hearts and pray for her.
I look around my apartment, and see that the chaos and turmoil I have been experiencing is reflected in my home. How I do anything is how I do everythingII I have put myself on hold and am barely doing anything just to cope, let alone grow. This is not a comfortable place for me to be.
When I look back over the past year, I see that I had some successes. I have managed to maintain the 50 lbs weight loss. I have not moved forward from that, even though I had set the goal to lose another 50#'s this year. I got distracted and allowed excuses to override my drive train. Procrastination, which is something I have a tendency to do as a result of wanting to be perfect, once again came into my life as a visitor. I am kicking to the curb. Perfectionism is really a negative thing and the evil message is that you are not enough. No matter what others say, you never feel worthy. Perfectionism is going to the curb with Procrastination. I am enough whether my dishes are done or not. I am enough whether I eat pizza or salad. Who I am is enough. What I do- well no matter how much I do, there is always more isn't there.
I want to be better for me. Since this is Sparkpeople, and about supporting healthy lifestyles, I am refocusing on the things that support my success. Staying between the lines with my food plan, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, tracking my blood sugars, monitoring and continued improvement of my blood pressure, getting enough exercise and being grateful for everything I have. I will love myself.
The basics that serve me and my well being are not optional. How I do them is optional. I must take care of my health and finances and spiritual well being to be enough for me.
I have spent a few days with myself, and my God, praying for answers and genuinely listening. I realize it isn't about what I have done, but what I have left undone. And I have a lot to do! So much that it feels a bit overwhelming. So I have a plan- a little each day to improve my life and fill my spirit, so that I can fill others.
One of the first things I can do is clean my house. That is therapeutic for me. I don't have tons of disorganization, but there is enough that I will have to mindfully tackle it. I am relying on developing good routines and habits ( once again) and Flylady is my helper. I don't have to spend a lot of money on gadgets or cleaning products. I have a vacuum, a feather duster and elbow grease.
If your house is a disorganized mess, so then likely is your life. If your storage area is filled with boxes stuffed with your past, then you are probably also physically holding on to those emotions and wounds too.
Since I am "starting over", I want to make my apartment my sanctuary. You might say designing on a dime- LOL This month I purchased a coat rack, dog poop bags and a magnetic paper towel holder. Little things that make life so much easier!. I am looking on Craiglist and FB market place for good used small dining room table and chairs. In the meantime it is time to hang the pictures and things that mean I am home. I will never get rid of my stuff again. I am not going to live in the past, but the regret I have from getting rid of everything when I moved here stays with me. I should have just put everything into a storage unit. Hindsight is 20/20.
I bought the coat rack online because it said "Easy to Assemble no tools required". When I opened the package the first line was " You need to provide your own screwdriver"- that tickled my ironic button. For that reason, I am not going to give it 5 starts on the Amazon reviews - but I have to say it is a sturdy coat rack.
If you are ignoring financial obligations, playing the role of the ostrich in your reality, most likely you are shortchanging yourself from prosperity in more than just your bank account. One of my largest fears of aging is being homeless. I don't know where that comes from, but having a nice home and a full pantry are my security blankets. I live from pay check to pay check, and I have to be mindful of what I spend. I am blessed to have a regular income from Social Security. I don't always make great financial decisions. But I have learned to prioritize my wants versus my needs. This also applies to my food choices also. What do I need versus what I want.
I don't want to stay in Omaha, but don't have the resources to make a move. I did start a job with an RV dealership, part time, weekends. I am earmarking the money to go into a moving fund. I honestly don't know if I am going to be moving back to Tucson at some point in time, but it will be a move to a warmer climate.
If you consistently ignore the fundamental chores and repairs in your home, then you’re probably also not meeting your basic emotional needs. Just like the clogged bathroom sink you’ve avoided dealing with for a month, your emotions are likely starting to back up, and eventually, they too will flood. I can't control everything, but I can keep my habits and routines going so I can flex as needed.
Look around, see what’s in front of you, examine your household habits, then ask yourself— where else does that show up in my life?
I have never been one to pay too much attention to clothes and makeup- at least not since I retired. But I realize that the routines of dressing, including attention to hair and makeup aren't for the rest of the world, they are for me.
I went to breakfast yesterday with my Breakfast Bunch. It was a rather large crowd, and as I looked at the women in attendance I was most drawn to the ones who took care of themselves. I want to be one of those who take care of themselves. Again I don't need to spend a lot of money- I have everything I need, if the pull dates haven't expired!! Just need a routine so that I do it everyday instead of haphazardly. I don't want to be one of those women who won't leave their home without their face on, but I would like to have some polish to this rough old diamond.
If you are asking yourself these questions,I’ll bet you won’t be surprised by the answers, not really. I sure wasn’t. Humbled, certainly. Relieved, a bit, actually. Grateful to accept my reality so that I could begin to make changes in my world.
I am finally ready to hit the giant life restart button. I am tracking my food intake, again. I am grateful that in the past 16 weeks I have only had a two lb gain, but I am sad that I didn't make my goal of a 10 lb loss. I am not going to beat myself up, just restart and stay focused. The next BLC challenge starts May 2nd. I love the challenges and especially like the team I am one. The small teams give you a chance to know the people on a much more personal level. And the accountability that goes with being a team member helps too.
I decided to cancel my gym membership. In March I used it zero times. Instead, I am going to use what I have, exercise videos, tapes and God's great outdoors ( if it ever gets warm enough- LOL). I am still going to physical therapy for my shoulder, but there are many things I can do, so I will focus on those instead of what I can't do. The gym is quite a ways from here, and I find myself not using it because of the drive. The $55 savings a month will be useful in other ways.
Here are my FAB FOUR- these came to me from a Sparkmember and I have kept them for the last two years. Thank you Linda!
WHAT IS THE ONE THING I NEED TO ACHIEVE TODAY
WHAT IS THE ONE THING I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH THIS WEEK
WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME TODAY
WHAT CAN I DO TO REMAIN CALM
My prayer for this week. Forgive me, renew me, and lead me, so that I may delight in Your will and walk in Your ways to the glory of Your holy name. Amen
God Bless you all!