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Friday, April 06, 2018

I saw a saying today that really hit home with me. How you do anything, is how you do everything.

As you know from reading my previous blogs, my life was turned upside down, actually more than once over the past two years. I certainly don't want this to become a way of life. I would love to report that the issues have been resolved, but that is not so. However I have resolved my issues. I realize I have to accept what is, and move forward, without fear, bitterness, anger or resentment. I have to tell you that has not been easy! Your comments and prayers have been so appreciated. My faith will keep me going. I am praying my daughter finds the peace and solace she is seeking. I am grateful that she is alive, and that is a comfort. As she is rolling through other family members and disenfranchising them, I have been able to provide comfort and prayers for them. My youngest son at least talked with her, and she said she was tired of people manipulating her. She said she was backing away to get control of her life. There is only 12 months and two weeks difference in their ages and they have always been close. He has decided to let her be her and do as she wishes. Good choice- we will continue to hold her in our hearts and pray for her.

I look around my apartment, and see that the chaos and turmoil I have been experiencing is reflected in my home. How I do anything is how I do everythingII I have put myself on hold and am barely doing anything just to cope, let alone grow. This is not a comfortable place for me to be.

When I look back over the past year, I see that I had some successes. I have managed to maintain the 50 lbs weight loss. I have not moved forward from that, even though I had set the goal to lose another 50#'s this year. I got distracted and allowed excuses to override my drive train. Procrastination, which is something I have a tendency to do as a result of wanting to be perfect, once again came into my life as a visitor. I am kicking to the curb. Perfectionism is really a negative thing and the evil message is that you are not enough. No matter what others say, you never feel worthy. Perfectionism is going to the curb with Procrastination. I am enough whether my dishes are done or not. I am enough whether I eat pizza or salad. Who I am is enough. What I do- well no matter how much I do, there is always more isn't there.

I want to be better for me. Since this is Sparkpeople, and about supporting healthy lifestyles, I am refocusing on the things that support my success. Staying between the lines with my food plan, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, tracking my blood sugars, monitoring and continued improvement of my blood pressure, getting enough exercise and being grateful for everything I have. I will love myself.

The basics that serve me and my well being are not optional. How I do them is optional. I must take care of my health and finances and spiritual well being to be enough for me.

I have spent a few days with myself, and my God, praying for answers and genuinely listening. I realize it isn't about what I have done, but what I have left undone. And I have a lot to do! So much that it feels a bit overwhelming. So I have a plan- a little each day to improve my life and fill my spirit, so that I can fill others.

One of the first things I can do is clean my house. That is therapeutic for me. I don't have tons of disorganization, but there is enough that I will have to mindfully tackle it. I am relying on developing good routines and habits ( once again) and Flylady is my helper. I don't have to spend a lot of money on gadgets or cleaning products. I have a vacuum, a feather duster and elbow grease.

If your house is a disorganized mess, so then likely is your life. If your storage area is filled with boxes stuffed with your past, then you are probably also physically holding on to those emotions and wounds too.

Since I am "starting over", I want to make my apartment my sanctuary. You might say designing on a dime- LOL This month I purchased a coat rack, dog poop bags and a magnetic paper towel holder. Little things that make life so much easier!. I am looking on Craiglist and FB market place for good used small dining room table and chairs. In the meantime it is time to hang the pictures and things that mean I am home. I will never get rid of my stuff again. I am not going to live in the past, but the regret I have from getting rid of everything when I moved here stays with me. I should have just put everything into a storage unit. Hindsight is 20/20.

I bought the coat rack online because it said "Easy to Assemble no tools required". When I opened the package the first line was " You need to provide your own screwdriver"- that tickled my ironic button. For that reason, I am not going to give it 5 starts on the Amazon reviews - but I have to say it is a sturdy coat rack.

If you are ignoring financial obligations, playing the role of the ostrich in your reality, most likely you are shortchanging yourself from prosperity in more than just your bank account. One of my largest fears of aging is being homeless. I don't know where that comes from, but having a nice home and a full pantry are my security blankets. I live from pay check to pay check, and I have to be mindful of what I spend. I am blessed to have a regular income from Social Security. I don't always make great financial decisions. But I have learned to prioritize my wants versus my needs. This also applies to my food choices also. What do I need versus what I want.

I don't want to stay in Omaha, but don't have the resources to make a move. I did start a job with an RV dealership, part time, weekends. I am earmarking the money to go into a moving fund. I honestly don't know if I am going to be moving back to Tucson at some point in time, but it will be a move to a warmer climate.

If you consistently ignore the fundamental chores and repairs in your home, then you’re probably also not meeting your basic emotional needs. Just like the clogged bathroom sink you’ve avoided dealing with for a month, your emotions are likely starting to back up, and eventually, they too will flood. I can't control everything, but I can keep my habits and routines going so I can flex as needed.

Look around, see what’s in front of you, examine your household habits, then ask yourself— where else does that show up in my life?

I have never been one to pay too much attention to clothes and makeup- at least not since I retired. But I realize that the routines of dressing, including attention to hair and makeup aren't for the rest of the world, they are for me.

I went to breakfast yesterday with my Breakfast Bunch. It was a rather large crowd, and as I looked at the women in attendance I was most drawn to the ones who took care of themselves. I want to be one of those who take care of themselves. Again I don't need to spend a lot of money- I have everything I need, if the pull dates haven't expired!! Just need a routine so that I do it everyday instead of haphazardly. I don't want to be one of those women who won't leave their home without their face on, but I would like to have some polish to this rough old diamond.

If you are asking yourself these questions,I’ll bet you won’t be surprised by the answers, not really. I sure wasn’t. Humbled, certainly. Relieved, a bit, actually. Grateful to accept my reality so that I could begin to make changes in my world.

I am finally ready to hit the giant life restart button. I am tracking my food intake, again. I am grateful that in the past 16 weeks I have only had a two lb gain, but I am sad that I didn't make my goal of a 10 lb loss. I am not going to beat myself up, just restart and stay focused. The next BLC challenge starts May 2nd. I love the challenges and especially like the team I am one. The small teams give you a chance to know the people on a much more personal level. And the accountability that goes with being a team member helps too.

I decided to cancel my gym membership. In March I used it zero times. Instead, I am going to use what I have, exercise videos, tapes and God's great outdoors ( if it ever gets warm enough- LOL). I am still going to physical therapy for my shoulder, but there are many things I can do, so I will focus on those instead of what I can't do. The gym is quite a ways from here, and I find myself not using it because of the drive. The $55 savings a month will be useful in other ways.

Here are my FAB FOUR- these came to me from a Sparkmember and I have kept them for the last two years. Thank you Linda!




My prayer for this week. Forgive me, renew me, and lead me, so that I may delight in Your will and walk in Your ways to the glory of Your holy name. Amen

God Bless you all!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PICKIE98
    Letting go of things is sometimes as difficult as letting go of people. Let Go And Let God.
    Tackling just one small thing a day is rewarding to de-clutter,even if it is just shredding old bills or such. You are back on track!
    1044 days ago
    emoticon I just happened to come across this post and it Broke my heart. I'm not sure of your struggle with your daughter, but I can understand the pain you feel being cut out of her life. Mine divorced me almost 3 years ago. She has been in a downward spiral and I can only hope that she will allow me back into her life when she hits bottom. emoticon My thoughts and prayers are with you today. We will overcome this! God Bless you.
    emoticon from Deatsville Alabama
    1046 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/20/2018 9:18:14 AM
    I think you absolutely have a good handle on things. That shows a lot of deep thinking, maturity and practically. Good job!
    1053 days ago
    Hi Sunny--I am so happy that you are making your own life but hanging close, for when yer daughter falls again--I'm sure it will happen!-- And you will have your life established so you can help her then--- Poor you eh---- (but yu don't need a "pity party"----)---Maybe you will meet someone--LOL--l;ike who knows eh what is in store for us?-- --Volunteer----paint-do yoga---read to kids in school--- just keep busy-- it will work out--It just takes time-Hugs--Lynda
    1053 days ago
  • MAWMAW101
    Sending peace and joy! Hugs. emoticon
    1058 days ago
    Great uplifting blog mainly about one gal who is reaching for her potential.... and slowly getting there. BRAVO.
    1059 days ago
    I'm grateful on your behalf, that you are not just getting through this, but determining that you will live in joy. I admire your strength of character and your faith. I'm excited to see what happens. I will pray. 💝
    1059 days ago
    Sunny, this post filled my heart with joy. You have so much - friends that support you, a home that gives you peace, and the ability to do anything you want. You have taken a sad situation and turned it into a beautiful lesson that we all can learn: things don't always go the way we want, but they give us what we need. I was happy to read that your son had talked to your daughter and could report back to you that she was ok. I continue to pray for your happiness and safety and send you lots of love always. Big hugs!!!
    1059 days ago
    Well.. I am certainly glad I revisited your blog today. This post is very very good.

    And I'm telling you upfront.

    I'm gonna 'borrow' many things from it..

    Thanks for writing it.
    1059 days ago
    Well, I think your strength and determination are amazing, Sunny! You have actually looked at your situation and formulated plans very quickly. I hope the job with the RV company turns out to be fun and even leads to new friends.

    As for polishing up the diamond - a good goal but always remember that even a diamond in the rough can have great value!!!

    Take care of your health, mental and physical.
    Honor your worth - you know yourself well - build new routines, create a home that is your haven, don't ever give so much that you give yourself away.
    You will thoughtfully replace your belongings; somehow we amass things we need-if we are mindful we choose things we love.

    I love the "Darling" image you posted and I'm saving it because I need to read it too.

    Your daughter is dealing with something within herself. She will be okay. I'm sad for her that she is leaving other family members behind. Glad for you though, that you know the issue is NOT you.

    Take care, my friend! Wish I lived in Omaha. (Second thought:: no I don't, it is cold there)

    1059 days ago
  • EILEEN828
    You are taking really positive steps and have the right focus. Just follow your instincts. Even if you might think you made a mistake, I bet with more time going by you just might disagree with that and find out that it was actually the correct course of action. You’ll probably find that this change of direction ended up being the start of your life in a whole new, more fulfilling way. Great idea to check out craigslist, don’t forget to look under free stuff, I was recently looking for a specific item and I was really surprised to see so many perfectly good items (yes a lot of junk too). Your local goodwill or habitat for humanity resale store has good furniture too. Goodwill is great for stocking up a kitchen or filling out some home decor needs, they’re worth checking out. Hugs to you, I and the rest of this community support you and believe in you. emoticon
    1060 days ago
    I am glad to read your plan of action. I know that you will rebuild a good life for yourself; sometimes that is the way it is.

    When I left my first husband, I had three outfits and a pair of shoes. I went home to live with Mom and she could not afford to have me living with her. I borrowed money from her and bought clothes at yard sales and got a job, then paid back the money I owed to her and paid half of the utilities for the apartment. She lived in an apartment above a laundromat, but I washed my clothes in the bathtub after bathing. I didn't know from day to day, how I would make it, but by God's Grace, I did. You will too.

    1060 days ago
    Sunny, I'm moved by this blog. As I was reading it, I thought that your life would make a good movie. All you've been through (and I remember the stories from your childhood and young marriage), all you've felt--it's a moving story. And your tone here speaks to my heart. Out of your grief about the shattered relationship with your daughter and a period of prayer and reflection, your indomitable spirit shows. You are resourceful, making the best of what you have, rebuilding as full a life as you can after losing many of your necessary material possessions through no fault of your own--to the contrary out of your selflessness and desire to help your family! I feel your strength and strong will to live. I hope each passing day brings you fulfillment and that you get closer and closer to the life you were meant to have and the message you were meant to understand. I'm having trouble putting into words how your blog made me feel, but it's deep.

    I totally agree with all you've said about getting your house in order, and this is a particularly timely story for me, as next week we're having some renovations done, and to prepare for this construction, I have been going through closets and drawers and everywhere, finding so much stuff that we don't need, questioning why in the world I ever thought I needed all this to begin with. I am disposing of so much of my past. At first, it was scary to throw things away, but now it has started to make me feel clean. From now on, I swear I will seriously question my need to acquire a bunch of stuff that mostly just gathers dust. Bare is beautiful.
    1060 days ago
  • 1958TMC
    Sending you HUGS!!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon
    1060 days ago
  • LSIG14
    WOW!! I need to copy this blog and print it out so I can go back to it at least once a week and refresh my own goals. I have kind of been sliding lately and the slide is mostly backward. You always have such a positive spin and I admire you so much. The way you are able to bounce back from adversity is awesome and I need to take a page from your book!

    Beautiful attitude from a beautiful lady. Thank you for sharing!!
    1060 days ago
    The Fab Four are...Fab! Thanks for sharing. Wishing you the best on your restart. You won’t regret it.
    1060 days ago
    1060 days ago
    Glad to hear from you Sonny,sorry about the Daughter.
    All you can do is place it in Gods hands.Keep doing
    the things you have decided to do. emoticon
    and Prayers! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1060 days ago
    I just love your can do spirit. Thanks for posting and so glad you are moving forward. Hugs, Rhonda

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1060 days ago
    I've been thinking a lot about you! Know your in my prayers.

    My college kid has got into online auctions. Maybe your area has something like that. I had never heard of it before. He will go to thing huge warehouse today and look at everything. The bids start today at $4. It ends Monday at 8 PM. He has got some really nice stuff for his college house he is in with 4 others.
    1060 days ago
    I am happy that you're moving on and it surely can't be anywhere easy! I think you're doing very well. Keep it up. You have my continued prayers.
    1060 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon emoticon
    1060 days ago
  • no profile photo BONDMANUS2002
    Absolutely great
    1060 days ago
    My son who lives in Blair, not far from Omaha, said there is a site on the computer called something like Garage Sales in Blair, but I am sure there is probably a site for in Omaha. They have bought a couple of things for their house and yard from there. It might be something to look into. And it would probably be cheaper, and I know you have to watch the emoticon . Do take care of yourself, and the daughter is going to have to take care of her own life, you can't do it for her, just be there when ever she is ready and gets her thinking together,
    1060 days ago
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