by Mid August my adjustment was just 10 lbs
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
A medication was the cause of my incessant eating for many months but I did not know how I came to be so out of control. I was unable to hold back a constant need to "feed my face" and the anxiety the behavior caused was like being inside something that overtook control of my body and behavior.
The relief to stop the medication and know I could regain my brain function was huge but slow. Gradually I replaced compulsive grazing with the return of long range commitment. Because it is so gradual, I use the word "just" to happily claim my 10 lb loss achievement.
Going out of control is like living in a dream state you can't wake up from. No relief. No anchors. I tried though! In December I decided to join Weight Watchers and added Overeaters Anonymous just a few weeks later. While both organizations have excellent support and education components, they were not cracking the hard nut of my compulsive drive. I was not cracking through.
So finally I went to the internist to show him my panic situation. At first he made a comment that minimized the gain. I said, NO, this compulsion has full control of me and I AM fighting back with constructive extras on top of my long standing connection to SparkPeople.
That's when he said, well, you were having lots of trouble sleeping and now sleep very well. The pill you have been taking can spur increased appetite, which I told you. Really? I'm told of other meds over the years that might increase weight gain but never had this huge consequence. I told him I stopped the pill a week earlier instinctively, since the possibility of timing my sleep issue and my food issue "could" have a connection.
The lesson here is not about the drug I needed. And I did. I can't sleep well anymore; at least not for now. (I am more agitated.) But the lesson I got reinforced once again is to NEVER GIVE UP on myself. When I need help, never give up. Just because I don't understand the how or the why of things does not mean I can't. It just means that I have NOT, UP UNTIL NOW. (My mantra!!)
In the next moment things can change. And rather than live with the belief that when I'm anxious, that I must fear for when the other shoe will fall off, that in the next moment I can discover things better than before. Even when things are great, up until now means I am open to MORE GOOD. Not fearing the loss of what is good. Just sayin'......
Honor the passionate tiger in you Dale