Okay, so this may have just happened :
(It's hard to see, but on the right it shows I've logged into Spark People for only one day. The days on the left was yesterday - 350 days
Yep. I've been checking in to Spark People for nearly a year. A YEAR! without missing. I was really excited about that hitting that year.
I have faltered this year. I have stumbled. I have gotten into bad ways of thinking. I have made unhealthy choice after unhealthy choice. I have wrung my hands as the weight and fat continued to build.
At the very least, I checked in. I made SparkPeople my lifeline. It was my Touchstone. Just check in. At least check in and somehow you will get back on track.
I awoke at 3 am KNOWING I hadn't checked in yesterday. I work a long day and then the gym afterwards on Mondays and I had moved my computer into my office because Al's puppy loves to chew things...out of sight, out of mind.
So now is the down side of a streak. Because while it's happening you believe anything is possible. You may not be doing everything you want, but you are doing this one thing.
And now it's gone...Nearly a year down the drain.
I've been in a dark place for a while. Everything has seemed overwhelming and throwing up my hands and throwing in the towel has been SO tempting...
But there's this streak.
Except now there isn't.
I feel like I am "where the rivers change direction" as Kate Wolf sang. I am at the divergence of Frost's roads. I AM the fool. I stand at this precipice and the thing I hate most in all the world is laid out before me:
Do you know what lyric has been going through my head this entire week? It's from John Denver's Love is the Master :
"Let the rain wash away all my sorrow
Today is the day that my life starts all over again."
I guess I have my answer.