Day 39 - positively charged
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
All is well for the time being and I am as hyped and energized as I was 40 days ago when I finally wrapped my head around it and said this is it.
I am down about 32.5lbs, stopped smoking 4 days ago, am sort of OK dealing with the stress at work and haven’t had a slip up on my food choices. Have brown bagged most every day, planned for and anticipated challenges and navigated the road well so far.
But, deep down is this little nagging feeling that although I am 100% committed to permanent changes, I may fail again. All the effort losing weight, only to gain it all back. All the focus on quitting smoking, only to start off again in the end.
So, I am doing everything to prepare myself and be ready for the eventual slip up, the plateaus that are sure to come, the cravings that eventually going to be louder than the voice that says....”don’t do it”... 😀 - its not about if, but when, and I am committed to be ready, get over and on with it.
I realize that I have let addictions pretty much rule my life - smoking, binge eating, drinking and gambling (the last two were only an early phase, done when I was 21, luckily), work (somewhat). I have never been one for moderation, either all in, or all out. One of the main focuses of my changes is to be mindful, think through things, plan ahead and be present.
Although I currently have some serious cravings for cigarettes, I am able to tell myself that I chose not to smoke, that I don’t need to smoke, and I actually don’t want to smoke. I am also in control of my eating, and chose not to eat the pizza in the office that was left over today. Typically I was often the “cleanup crew”, taking care of the pastries, bagels, pizza, rice and beans, etc. that were left, casually passing by the coffee break area several times picking over the leftovers, fixated on my next free carb hit.
The difference this time is that I am anticipating challenges, and mentally prepare, but will not accept failure, or giving up. I am reflecting on past challenges and what I could have done to pick myself up faster, and not let go and give up. I am manifesting my positive thinking into what the future will be.
So, overall I am positively supercharged and I look forward to celebrating the days I reach my future goals, and to celebrating the days I will slip, fall, but get up and move forward.
2019 is my year. I can do this, and I WILL do this. As @GPALMER2019 says - “WDD” - Willpower!! Dedication!! Determination!!
Day 39 - 32.6lbs down - only 167.4lbs or 561 days to go to 225 lbs
4 days smoke free