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When your world crumbles around you...

Friday, February 15, 2019

Ever since I was a little girl I would struggle with my weight. I was often the chubby kid who never felt comfortable in her own skin. The more stress around me the more weight I'd pack on. This is how I've come to learn I was an emotional eater.

Well, I've finally hit the worst part of my life and I am at the WORST weight I've ever been in also in the worst shape I've ever been in.

My husband of 21 years and I separated August 2018 2 days before my youngest daughter turned 11. It was the most gut wrenching horrible feeling I have ever been through. Here the man I thought I'd be with for forever let me down in the most horrific way.

I spent the last couple of years thinking something was wrong with me... that I battled co-dependent issues. That my anxiety was too intense. That my weight was an issue. That I wasn't attractive enough.

NO! What I learned was my ex-husband was a narcissist who I would never ever please no matter what changes I made to myself. He'd always find an excuse to make me feel worse than I was.

Although I know this now... and I know none of this was ever about me.... I can't help but feel great sadness and anguish over the loss. So, how do I cope? With an amazing amount of poor eating habits. I don't cook anymore... I eat out all the time. I can't even remember what vegetables look like. Soda consumption is at an all time high and I feel sluggish, gross, and disgusting.

I want like crazy to make a change... but, I go for a few days and give up and then repeat the cycle which only depresses me even more.

It breaks my heart knowing my girls are watching this and they see me basically beating myself up with food. My 16 year old has yelled at me a couple of times that I need to quit the soda and eating out... she's sick of it and wants a real home cooked meal again... but, I can't do it. I go in spurts where I feel like I'm invincible and able to do everything in the world... and then It's several days in a row where I just can barely make it out of bed let alone make meals for my kids and I.

I need help setting up a plan - how to get through these struggles and learn how to better cope with my emotional eating disorder. I want to one day get back into the dating scene and want to be able to give the better version of myself away not this shell of a woman who I don't even care for.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yep, like YOGINILISA said, you have to get to a point where you love yourself, where you can set a good example for your girls and how they will take care of themselves emotionally and physically before you can think of being with anyone. I learned this painful lesson and don't wish that road on anyone!

    Contact your doctor, get a full physical, ask for therapist recommendations, you need it. it doesn't make you weak. If you break an arm or you get a horrible upper respiratory infection, you go get treatment. Your mental health is just as important. It affects all aspects of your life.

    I'm pulling for you! You deserve to be healthy!

    704 days ago
    I agree self love must come first.. I battle with this daily but we must continue.. sometimes the only way to get over is through
    712 days ago
    Your daughters are old enough to help you. Let them! Take them grocery shopping to get the food you and they need and want. Cook together. They will learn how and be able to make choices and experiment. Make it a fun thing, not a "have to". They are also old enough to exercise with you and you can encourage each other. The best way to get revenge is to take care of yourself and look your best. He will then see what he tossed away.
    712 days ago
  • no profile photo YOGINILISA
    Continuing-- be thankful that you are free from that selfish "man". Start taking a short walk every day, gradually increasing the time. Make small changes to your meals-- more veggies, etc. Get on SP every day! You can do this--- for you!
    712 days ago
  • no profile photo YOGINILISA
    First-- LOVE YOURSELF! I know that sounds easier said than done but that single thought is the basis of lifestyle change! Talk to a trusted doctor and maybe see about getting an anti-depressant. Get up every day & be thankful that you are free!
    712 days ago
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