When I've been away from SP for a while, one of the first things I do is read back over my old blog posts. I don't really know why...maybe just to reflect over my journey...maybe to give myself a bit of laugh...I do crack myself up.
I didn't do that this time. I'm not sure why. Today's reflecting feels a little different...a little sad or melancholy. (I like that word..."melancholy." Is that weird?)
I first joined SP on July 30, 2010. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could say that I'd been rocking this thing for almost 9 years...that I'd lost the weight I wanted to lose...that I was healthier (and possibly happier...even though I don't associate my happiness or lack thereof with my weight)? Wouldn't it be cool if I could say that SP changed my life for the better and now I find myself motivating others on this journey?
It would be.
But that's not the case. Not so far, anyway.
I've been off and on SP, back and forth with my weight and my health, for nearly 9 years. On the one hand, that is disheartening...So much time, so little to show for it. On the other hand, I suppose it shows a bit of tenacity...I'm still here. I keep coming back.
I was just looking over my Spark Page and looking at some of the SparkFriends I've made over the years. I reminisced...remembering names and faces; remembering funny blog posts; remembering some of the difficulties we've all faced...and how many of us would be there in an instant to encourage and cheer one another on. I noticed the SparkFriends who aren't here anymore...at least one who passed away; several others with deactivated accounts. I feel like I'm on the periphery of SP...not really engaged like I used to be.
It makes me a little sad.
Sorry if I'm bumming you out.
I'll pull myself together. I'll become more involved. I'll make more SparkFriends...and maybe some of my old ones will do like I did and jump back into the fray after long absences...Maybe.
Maybe I will be more consistent on SP...maybe I will lose all the weight and get healthier...maybe I will become a motivation for someone else on this journey...someone who's been back and forth and off and on like me...someone who is determined to be healthy...and happy...(even though my happiness or the lack thereof has nothing to do with my weight
Maybe...just maybe...I'm feeling tired, worn out, and generally BLAH because I haven't been sleeping well. Who knows. Oh, well...
"If you feel like you're nearing the end of your rope, don't slide off...tie a knot. Keep hanging...Remember, ain't nobody bad like you!"--The Electrifying Mojo, Radio DJ