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Never wanted a change so badly....

Friday, February 22, 2019

Have you ever just woken up one day and wanted to chuck your entire life and start over? That is where I am at right now.
Had I started out on a different foot I may already have finished school vs. trying to do it now at 42!
I would have established a good career by now.
I would have chosen a different partner to be with and saw the signs of narcissism in the one I chose.
I would have taken better care of my body - eaten better and learned earlier how to curve my soda addiction.
I would have learned more about myself and the things that interest me and taken advantage of the opportunities to explore them more.
I would have been better with my money and taken trips to places I've always wanted to go.

BUT, because I can't go back and I can't do over any of that I can only create these things NOW.... here is my game plan.

1. I'm back at school now - although I am struggling - I am doing it!
2. I'm trying to create a better career for myself with the basic tools / knowledge I currently have. - So far so good.
3. I cannot choose the partner I had - but, I can choose the partner I get in the future. I now know the signs of narcissism and will be able to dodge that in the future.
4. I am TRYING this most of all. I am trying to learn how to eat better, how to kick my soda addiction that became so much worse than it ever was in the last 2 years. I am currently at an embarrassing level. I'm looking for anyone's tips and tricks geared towards ways they've given up soda. I KNOW it is the root of all my evils.
5. I've discovered my love of painting and tarot. Not hand in hand... but, as interests go... those are what excite me. I am exploring more of these avenues in the hopes of becoming better.
6. I'm taking steps in the right direction for taking trips etc.... I bought my first ever passport. Now, I need to save money to go somewhere. Baby steps. I'll get there.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    704 days ago
    I have tears reading this. I have had many of those thoughts. When I rejoined SparkPeople the 2nd time, I saw a quote by Karen Lamb, "This time next year you'll wish you had started TODAY." I printed it and posted it on my desk at work so I see it all day.

    As far as the soda habit, I started by keeping a cup or bottle of water nearby and sip water in between sips of soda. It didn't happen over night but it worked for me. Now, I cannot finish a can of soda, I get to bloated. Just looking at a bottle of soda in a vending machine reminds me of that bloated ache!

    Find your strength and power through!

    704 days ago
    Frequently when we don't make choices, they get made for us. I think they define us either way. I see the Magician Card in dominance of your future but I am going to assume that old interpretation was written by a misogynist. You don't need a man to make something new out of your life. You are already doing that. Stay single and relish it.

    705 days ago
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