Holding Your Mouth Right
Friday, March 15, 2019
In the annals of folksy, old-fashioned slang, right between calling someone a "good egg" and saying you'll be back "in a jiffy," there lies the delightful phrase, "hold your mouth right." It's something oldsters (myself included) say when something needs to be "just so" in order for it to work right. If you are fighting with a particularly tight lid on a jar, and the safety button suddenly pops, you might say, "I just had to hold my mouth right!" If you fail at this, but the person you ask to help gets it right away, you might say "Ah, I guess you were holding your mouth right." Although, you'd be more likely to chuckle, "Har har, I loosened it up for you!"
I ponder this phrase a lot with regard to weight loss. I was doing awesome until I got pregnant, did awesome again right after I had the baby, but have not yet been able to adjust my eating to no longer having calories leaking out of my chest uncontrollably. I go to bed each night with a meal plan that, if followed, will lead to glorious weight loss, not unlike those meal plans I made in what seemed like a previous life when I lost about 40 pounds. By the following evening, I'm slamming Cadbury Crème Eggs as if I were actually going to pump any of them out (Spoiler: I'm not).
As an irrelevant aside, I feel I should note that I had not succumbed to the song of the Cadbury Pig, Lion, Llama, or Cat (makow! makow!) for 35 years, and only in a fit of pregnancy-induced culinary adventurousness did I decide to give one a try, and they are DELICIOUS. Where have they been all my life? There's actually an easy, literal answer for that: On the grocery shelf, where they should have remained.
But I digress. It just seems like I haven't yet figured out how to hold my mouth right. The problem is not the plan. The plan is exactly what it was before, when it worked. I mean, what was the right code in my brain that kept me on track long enough to slim down? And how do I find it again, so that this terrible ascent will stop? Besides Cadbury eggs, there's another horrifying similarity between pregnant-me and now-me: My pants. Twice this week, I put on my maternity pants. Holy (too much) guacamole. Something's gotta give.
I need to figure out how to hold my mouth right. I wish it were as simple as holding it closed, which is really the right way to hold one's mouth when one is trying to lose weight.
I just have to discover the mindset I was using when I held my mouth right (shut) and avoided the maamoul being passed around (which I don't even like, anyway) or my buddy's roasted peanuts (which I also could take or leave, if I'm being honest).
Where is the thought process behind getting to the gym several days a week and holding my mouth right to breathe heavily? I know it's in there somewhere, because I had it before. I just don't know how to get it back.
I have to imagine there are some good eggs (folksy, old-fashioned ones, not delicious, fondant-y ones) here that will be able to tell me how to hold my mouth right in a jiffy. What do you do to help your actions align with your goals? How do you hold your mouth right?