Thursday, March 21, 2019
Monday I jumped my car and took it to the mechanic. He said the alternator he put in seems to be failing. The part's under warranty but the labor isn't. Mom's finally ready to sell or trade it in. There's a guy that needs a car that might take it, despite the age and the issues (the power window controls, mainly). If he does I'm going to have to go car shopping. Car shopping is stressful. She brought a little crossover home last year that was about 10,000 miles and the right price but I was thinking eh, it's too high off the ground. I shouldn't have snubbed it so quickly. Maybe something like it will turn up or there will be a sale. I don't know why I was hesitant. I was driving a boat anyway it's a low to the ground car.
If there's a new car in the house I can drive further to look for a job. At the very least I can go to the state parks and clear my head with a good hike every once in a while. Around the same time last year I was stuck in the house with no wheels, but I had my web dev course to keep me busy. It's hard for me to create that kind of deadline pressure by myself. I'm trying but I'm not particularly raring to go. It might be the medication.
I went to therapy Tuesday. The person that initially did my intake interview has disappeared and won't return calls, so the therapist (the other lady's boss) had to do it again. She's my therapist now. She's the older motherly type, where the first woman was closer to my age. I don't mind, I'm just wondering what happened. They were both supposed to work on my case since the younger social worker was new. It's odd when that stuff happens because you expect those people to be stable but you forget that stuff happens to them too. Hopefully she's okay.
We talked about how you can't own what other people say or think about you. This is supposed to help when mom decides to be snippy. I'm trying to put this into practice. I still feel like hell I get my feelings hurt but I'm trying harder to move past it and not internalize things, because look where that got me.
We also talked about how most people on social media are faking it for likes and not to expect much from them. I brought it up because I have people on Twitter that follow me, I tried to be open and not weird, but I found I was always starting the conversation, and I got mad about putting more into it than they are.
Lately I've been checking Twitter less and less and muted those people for a while because they seem to know each other. Seeing their conversation threads feels like a slap in the face. That's when I say "f**k em" and put the mute back on.It's not worth my energy anymore. They don't seem to notice so I'm not going to notice them either when they're having a low point. They have other people to boost them if that's all they want.
Still waiting to hit the therapeutic lexapro dose. I've got another week or so before that happens. I've got to figure this out.
I lost a little bit of weight. My pants aren't as tight as they were but the belly is still a problem. I'm in that in between size still. I haven't busted a seam, so there's that. It could be the cut of these pants since the other size 16 stuff still fits ok. I don't know! I don't have anywhere to go for a while so I can be sweatpants fabulous and not worry about it for a bit.