No One is Promised Tomorrow

11 weeks ago, I found my husband unconscious. I tried to revive him by doing chest compressions to "Staying Alive" until paramedics arrived. They worked on him for 40 minutes, but were unable to get a rhythm in order to use the paddles.

It was the saddest day of my life.

I felt I had failed in my efforts to save him. Then after the autopsy (which was done because he ate healthy, didn't smoke, drink, and exercised everyday, and he had a great BMI and was not overweight), the coroner explained to me that there was no way I could have saved him. He had a small hole in his heart where the tissue had died due to undiagnosed high blood pressure and 500cc's of blood leaked into pericardium around his heart. His doctor said he had white coat syndrome where his BP was high when he went in to he office, but always was normal when they took it a second time later in his visit.

So you can do all the right things - don't smoke, don't drink, exercise every day, do strength training, eat healthy, avoid red meat, etc, but no one is promised tomorrow.

We were married for 50 years and were high school sweethearts so we actually had 57 blessed years together for which I am grateful. I also am grateful for our 4 wonderful children and their spouses (and those 7 grand babies!) who have rallied together to support me and hold me up in my most difficult time of my life.

I am trying to exercise everyday like we did together, but going to the weight room without him has been too hard - so I have been going to yoga classes instead. I still jog and will run a 5K next month. I have lost 10 lbs as I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat. And I try to keep sparking, but sometimes even that is overwhelming to me.

So sorry this has been such a depressing blog, but by sharing my sorrow with my Spark Friends might help me move forward in my life. Thanks for listening. Sandra