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No One is Promised Tomorrow

Thursday, May 23, 2019

11 weeks ago, I found my husband unconscious. I tried to revive him by doing chest compressions to "Staying Alive" until paramedics arrived. They worked on him for 40 minutes, but were unable to get a rhythm in order to use the paddles.

It was the saddest day of my life.

I felt I had failed in my efforts to save him. Then after the autopsy (which was done because he ate healthy, didn't smoke, drink, and exercised everyday, and he had a great BMI and was not overweight), the coroner explained to me that there was no way I could have saved him. He had a small hole in his heart where the tissue had died due to undiagnosed high blood pressure and 500cc's of blood leaked into pericardium around his heart. His doctor said he had white coat syndrome where his BP was high when he went in to he office, but always was normal when they took it a second time later in his visit.

So you can do all the right things - don't smoke, don't drink, exercise every day, do strength training, eat healthy, avoid red meat, etc, but no one is promised tomorrow.

We were married for 50 years and were high school sweethearts so we actually had 57 blessed years together for which I am grateful. I also am grateful for our 4 wonderful children and their spouses (and those 7 grand babies!) who have rallied together to support me and hold me up in my most difficult time of my life.

I am trying to exercise everyday like we did together, but going to the weight room without him has been too hard - so I have been going to yoga classes instead. I still jog and will run a 5K next month. I have lost 10 lbs as I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat. And I try to keep sparking, but sometimes even that is overwhelming to me.

So sorry this has been such a depressing blog, but by sharing my sorrow with my Spark Friends might help me move forward in my life. Thanks for listening. Sandra
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is not a depressing blog, rather it’s a blog filled with loving memories. Thank you for sharing your heart & your love. You put things in perspective.
    180 days ago
    I want to let yu know that I admire yu so much!--- Your Himself is with my SIL and so many others--- and he has left yu STRONG---- just to get to everyday--- yu truly are amazing--and yu are doing this!--- It must be hard---- Don't cry-----
    I try to tell myself that saying,--"Don't cry for me--I am in the trees--the wind, the flowers--- "--If only we could see them eh?
    I hope yu do feel his presence sometimes-- I believe he is with you---- but--there are so many times I question everything and I want to scream---
    Yu are my hero-----
    Hugs, Lynda
    621 days ago
    I read yer comments on my blog and I always wonder how on earth yu are doing!--- coping????
    The generators really are a Godsend arent they?--Lynda
    662 days ago
  • NUKH1990
    So sorry to hear of this impossible loss in your life. I worry about this day happening to me -I am 62 and have been married 41 years. So hard to wrap our heads around death and so hard to understand life ends this way. I ran across this blog via your comments on a string about wine-as I am trying to moderate food/alchohol and its hard having just entered retirement and full time freedom. I wish you strength and simple blessings via your large family of blessings. Kathy
    687 days ago
    I hope its a good curve--Yu certainly deserve that!--Hugs, Lynda
    705 days ago
    I just read your blog and want to offer my deepest sympathy to you and your family. A friend of ours who was 67 years old and in excellent health passed away very suddenly in his home in March of a heart attack. It was totally unexpected as well. You are so right when you say no one is promised tomorrow. Please don't think you could have done anything to change things. Cherish the years you had together and the wonderful memories you shared.
    723 days ago
    We aren't promised anything. We are grateful for what we receive. I hope this finds you well and contiued faith in what comes next.
    743 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    I'm sorry your husband passed. We were married Oct. '68 and my husband is 72. I know several girls from my Class of '67 who are widows now. Lynnette was our Homecoming Queen/Valedictorian who had gone with Jerry since our Freshman yr. They married in '71 after college, and he died from a heart attack last July. He seemed so healthy. I'm going next month to get a heart scan for calcium.
    754 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11945874
    My heart pours out to you; and no, we are not promised tomorrow, but I wish you could have had manh
    more w/ the man of your dreams. Blessings to you ...
    763 days ago
    Oh I do love the pictures on yer page! How are yu doing anyway?--- I do think about yu a lot when I see yu have put a comment on my blog! --Sandra, it must be difficult! I admire your courage----because "YOU" are doing it! ---Hugs ----- The good Lord must be taking care of you--holding yu for now--- Lotza prayers, Lynda
    771 days ago
    I so identify with you as I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack. You were blessed to have 57 years to-gether. Our marriage was only for 32 years; I am so thankful for the time we shared. I still miss him everyday; he passed away in 2003. I am glad you have family to support and encourage you. Blessings to you and I am glad you are here at Sparkpeople. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    776 days ago
    So sorry for your loss.
    791 days ago
    791 days ago
  • GINA180847
    Sometimes I feel people insist if you are sick you must have done something to cause it. But I fell on the ice in winter and all the blood in my body took a hike. Not visibly. It is hard to explain and even I am not too sure what it meant but I have aplastic anemia and for good measure I had to get a new heart valve and then have my tongue scraped of the two tumors on it. And no one was more healthy than I till all this came down the tube. Days are long and exhaustion and dizziness are my closest buddys. I feel for your loss though the only thing worse than losing someone is when you lose yourself. Take care!!! emoticon
    791 days ago
    Hugs. Be kind to yourself.
    791 days ago
    Sorry for your loss and especially glad you have a lovely family showing support. Keep doing what you can to pass through this grief!
    791 days ago
  • CAROLJ35
    Sounds like what I heard recently when our good friend died suddenly and unexpectedly. The Bible states that our days on earth are numbered and when our time is up, we are called home.
    So glad you have supportive family to keep you going. And also a supportive Spark Family.
    God Bless!
    791 days ago
    Day by day, step by step, lean on your family...hugs
    792 days ago
    So very sorry for your loss praying for your family
    792 days ago
    Very sorry for your loss. Sending many prayers to help you get stronger every day.
    792 days ago
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