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First Blog

Friday, May 31, 2019

I restarted Sparking 81 days ago today. I haven't really done much as far as being an active member. Mostly reading emails and spinning the wheel with the occasional tracking of food and water. Exercise has been sporadic at best for the last 2 to 3 months mostly due to the fact I just have not been feeling up to taking care of myself. There has been way to much stress going on in my life to even be able to focus on "me" time and what I need to do to make me feel like a happy person again. Even while feeling crappy most of the time I have managed to lose 10.3 lbs in those 81 days for a total of 24.6 lbs since November.

While continuing to work on myself emotionally it has been suggested to me that I return to doing the things that I enjoyed the most in the past. I loved Sparking and having all the Sparkfriends I had in the past when I first joined in 2007. I loved blogging and writing letting my creativity flow through my words. I had stopped for many years thinking that I had lost my muse only to come and realize that it was myself that stopped me. I let the opinions of others influence my choices and decisions about who I wanted to be and that is what stopped me. Stopped me from enjoying, stopped me from caring and stopped me from wanting to follow seemingly impossible dreams.

I would love to be a writer, short stories, prose and poetry mostly. I love to cook so maybe a cookbook would be among the writing, mostly cooking when you have to deal with physical or mental limitations.
Blogging again is among the writings that I need to get back to as well, I enjoyed sharing my thoughts, struggles, joys, milestones and achievements with others....along with setbacks and detours.

A bit more detail about me:

1. Married: June 21st will be 22 years

2. Children: 2.....DD20 (June 7th), DS18 (Feb 20th)

3. Age: will be 43 (July 5)

4. Pets: 2 dogs, Shorty a West Highland Terrier (13yrs old), Bella a Chihuahua (think 7 or 8 yrs old....adopted)

5. Jobs: US Army, Department of Defense Federal Employee, Stay at Home wife/mom

6. Weight loss journey: Seriously started 2007 lost 50lbs in a year 182lbs to 135lbs. 2008-2010 gained 30 back, 2011 P90X lost 15lbs to 155 but had gained muscle so much smaller. 2012-2015 gained BIG TIME from medications and life in general to 257lbs. 2016 lost 58 lbs and got to onederland. Steadily gained back to 251 lbs in November 2018. Been SLOWLY losing since.

7. Mental status: been in therapy for 7 years in October. Been steadily improving facing one issue at a time. Currently on what is stopping me from losing weight mentally, not physically.

8. Health detours: I live with Fibromyalgia, Manic depression and severe anxiety. On top of that I cope with restless leg syndrome, edema, hypothyroidism and severe insomnia. I try very hard not to let these define who I am.

9. I prefer to be defined by my creativity not my mental or health status. I love to cook....most recently with my instant pot. I taught myself how to cross stitch, crochet, knit and enjoy making things. I love mental coloring, playing World of Warcraft and zentangle doodling as a stress revilers.

I believe that I am now ready for the next step in my Spark journey by starting to add in challenges, blogging and socializing with teams. I may be slow going at the start but my goal is to be much more social and active mentally and then increase to more active physically.

My summer goals are not going to necessarily be focused on how many pounds lost but more along the lines of things I enjoy. June--July---August---Septembe
1. proof read through old poems, short stories and prose, rewrite as I see fit and share with others because I WANT to share and learn to not have to please while sharing.
2. write new poems/stories/prose as ideas flow through and not stop to think about what others will think about them.....enjoy writing!
3. Attempt to blog twice a week for the summer and increase as I feel more social
4. Expand my Sparkfriend circle from 1 to 10(or more)but at minimum of 5.
5. Participate in challenges to the best of my ability and not let emotions get the better of me.....keep going no matter what happens.

I am borrowing the acronym of CARE from someone else however my meanings are going to be a bit different....to fit me.

C. Commit to completing small goals
A. Attempt to be Social
R. Receive Compliments and Criticism focusing on self improvement
E. ENJOY Life!!!

These may change as I change!
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