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Putting it all out there - starting my own success story

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Day 215 - July 31st.

I noticed yesterday that I have just been chasing my own (fat) tail, going in circles (gaining and losing weight), for the last 214 days, which was the last time I re-committed myself to getting back on track for the umpteenth time (I have lost track of how many times I've hit the reset button).

I can say that I have "successfully" dropped 4.5 lbs this time. Successful, because at least I did not gain!

To be honest, it’s disappointing to see that I have been stalled for so long, and, since I'm being honest here, the stall has been A LOT longer than just 215 days - it's been more like YEARS.

I am seeing a whole bunch of Spark success stories in the community feed, and every time I see them, a few things happen:

• I feel joy for the people who have been so successful, since I know that it's not an easy thing.

• I feel ashamed of myself for not being one of these successful people... after all, I've been at this for years, and am still right here, pretty close to where I started. (Remember, I'm being honest here.)

• I commit (once again) to do what I know I have to do to become one of these successful people.

I do well for a few weeks, and then I lose my spark. I use any excuse that I can find to justify my failed attempt, too.

Although, this time, I did have a nasty fall in mid-February that caused a serious injury to my already injured knee. Walking caused extreme pain. Then I bumped the same knee again, and again. It was actually the dog who kept bumping me from behind my knee, twisting it, and knocking it out from under me – she’s a cross between a Mastiff and a Corso, so she is strong, and she is young and always in a hurry, and is at exactly the right height to shoulder me there. Then the arthritis in my other knee flared up.

I recall sitting on the couch in my living room one night a couple of months ago, feeling sorry for myself, tears running down my face. I was angry with my body for failing on me. I was angry with myself because I knew that I could have taken better care of myself – the extra weight, the lack of movement, all contributed to this body breaking down and protesting because I have been neglecting it.

Healing has been painful and slow.

So here I am, day 215 of my last reset. I can finally walk without (much) pain and I am still cautious when I walk, since my injured knee will buckle unexpectedly. Running, jumping are definitely not possible at this time.

A month ago, I decided that I would get a membership for the pool at the hotel near my workplace. Bought myself two new swimsuits, was all excited about getting started, but haven’t actually gone in to buy the membership.

After thinking it through, I decided (excuse) that I didn’t have time to go after work because of the dogs (excuse). Plus, I have a membership at the gym that I haven’t used, so why pay for two memberships that I’m not using (excuse). But I did manage to stop making excuses, and I came up with a plan.

What does all this mean?

Another reset, starting on day 215 of my last reset. Day 215.

Today, I brought my running shoes to work – and will be getting myself to the gym at lunchtime to do some walking on the treadmill. Starting slow, since I do not want to hurt myself again. I plan to use my existing gym membership until the end of the contract, and then I have to decide if I want to keep using the gym downstairs at work, or if I am going to join the gym where the pool is, literally, a five minute walk from my office (and 16 minute walk home).

One day at time, one workout at a time, one glass of water at a time, and one meal at a time. I have to make everything that I do count.

Now I am going seriously start to work towards creating my own success story.

I'll need post a "before" photo to mark the beginning of my story.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FRANKIE2019
    Wish you all the best on making it to the gym. Hope your knee holds up. It's no fun feeling like your knee will give way. Glad you know when you need a reset. Just always need to keep trying and not give up on ourselves.
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    490 days ago
  • NOCALORIES
    Thank you for your honesty. The first step put your running shoes by the door and don't leave home without them. Then take them into your office in the morning so you are reminded come lunch time go to the gym. You are worth the effort so now make it happen.
    492 days ago
  • DAWNWATERWOMAN
    Thank you for being so brutally honest. It's hard to lay yourself open on here. We are all here for you. Loving & supporting you along the way. We've all been there... or we ARE right there... but you are right, One day at a time.. we will get where we are going. It's not a matter of IF.... but WHEN !!!!
    492 days ago
  • HANNAHTHEGR8
    You are very important. You deserve all the success you'll find along the way. Happy trails!
    492 days ago
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