Past the Breakers
Sunday, September 08, 2019
I finally made it past the breakers. I've been scared of the Pacific Ocean. The Caribbean was warm and gentle. This ocean is colder and more intimidating. Every time I've waded out into the water, I couldn't summon the courage to go in past my knees and suffered the pounding of the waves and thought, "This is not pleasant." This week I broke through my anxiety and fear and there's no going back. I've done it twice now and it was very pleasant, very pleasant indeed.
Another breakthrough this week. After my blood sugars being out of control for the last couple years, I've finally got them in tight control. With normal numbers.
Thanks to a lovely endocrinologist who dedicated and worked with me to regulate the precise dosages and timing of my meds, I'm in a better place. It has been its own journey and I am amazed to discover the interplay between my blood sugars, hunger levels, energy levels and mood. I feel like a version of myself I haven't had the pleasure of knowing for quite some time.
And I'm sparking again! I really love the new "plan my day," feature. I find it super empowering. I look forward to checking off those boxes and adding tasks that aren't strictly related to diet and fitness. It's helping me tremendously.
The saboteur that lives within mocks me with the knowledge that I've done this before and didn't follow through. What's different about THIS time?
But you know what? I must've gone out into that ocean a dozen times before I was ready to cast off my insecurities and dive right in. It wasn't until I asked for support, had somebody hold my hand and help guide me in that I was able to feel brave enough to do it on my own, So whats different about this time is that I'm ready to work past the breakers.