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hurtful judgments

Sunday, September 22, 2019

I'm super sick, i was fiverish yesterday.. no wonder i had a crappy week! I'm getting a little better but not without the help of otc medication. Pff. I've been feeling weak and tired and bloated for most of last week.. hopefully it'll get better once this virus dies.

I wanted to share something with you.. As you know, i battled with depression for the last 2 years and in the last bit, i gained quite a bit of weight rather quickly. I don't have a lot of money and i couldnt really upgrade my wardrobe, i think i was a bit in denial as well.. but there, 6 months, +25 lbs, so my clothes are a little tight.

I am noticing, rather frequently, people staring at my belly. They would start by eye contact and just go all the way down as a head to toe look, but i SEE them stopping and looking at my belly. At first i too looked at my belly, to see what was wrong! lol. Most often it's thin people, people who give the impression they are obsessed with their own weight maybe? But i see them do it, and it's from colleagues, bosses! strangers at the store.. i find it a bit hurtful. Is it judgment? is it because my belly doesn't match my face? Do all people with showy bellies have to live this situation? It makes me sad and mad and self-conscious.

Like yea, i get it, i have a belly! Are these people trying to make me feel like i should be ashamed, like i don't have my place in the world? Like they pitty me? I don't know what to do with the feelings it left me when they're no longer in my visual field, it lasted 2 seconds for them, but it lasts many more for me.

Anyway, thanks for reading, i just had to let it out. I'll go back to my kleenex!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 2020ISTHEYEAR
    I've been noticing my belly sticking out lately too! You're self conscious of it, so you probably feel like they are looking at it. I think people are usually thinking about their own issues or problems. But just remember you are working on it. So if you keep or start drinking more water, eating well and exercising, that belly is going to start going down. And boy is that going to feel good! emoticon emoticon
    350 days ago
  • KALISWALKER
    It is how you see yourself that counts. You are a work in progress to make your body healthier and happier.
    361 days ago
  • DEBSGETNHEALTHY
    Sometimes our clothing can attract unnecessary attention to parts of our body that we don't mean to. I try to wear clothing that minimizes those parts I don't like (the whole lower half..lol). There are many plus size youtubers that are really good at camouflaging and minimizing and I learn from them. A long cardigan, blazer, top works wonders for my belly. Thrift stores can be treasure havens.

    I hope you feel better soon. Hugs!
    362 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/22/2019 3:55:21 PM
  • NANCYPAT1
    Ignore the judgmental looks and recognize the efforts you are making. If your belly shows because you don't have clothes that cover it, stop at a second-hand store, a Dollar store or Wal-Mart and pick up a few inexpensive tops to help you cover it up. I have gotten sale items at Wal-Mart for as little as a dollar. If you aren't exposed, just ignore the looks. You have to love ALL of you, even if imperfect because you are beautiful and don't have to please anyone but YOU!
    362 days ago
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