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MUCH less Spark – Dr’s orders

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Ok, here is the blog I promised a couple of weeks ago when all this drama with my mother-in-law started. But first, the latest news.

My eye doctor says the severe eye pain I am having is a complication of my arthritis! Arthritis!? Who knew that could affect your eyes! He says to limit anything that causes pain. We discussed computer use and reading. Both hurt really bad, he said to limit both to only what is necessary. This means a severe drop in my Sparking ability. I will probably still drop by each day and get the quick easy points to try to keep up my points and motivation. I am going to have to drop out of the 5% challenge. I will have to quit visiting the teams I belong to, with one exception. I will check on the team I am co-leader on, the Class of 2006. I will not be removing myself from any team (with the exception of the 5% challenge) as I may be able to return in the future as my Dr has put me on some medicine, that he says might make a difference in a couple of months. We will see if I can return full force at that point. I will miss interacting with everyone and reading blogs etc., but it just causes me real physical pain right now.

Ok, now for mother-in-law. On or about September 24th, she spilled hot bean soup on her foot. Said she didn’t even realize it till she looked down and noticed the soup on her sock. She pulled the sock off and it brought skin with it (we did not learn this till the 30th). She told her neighbor and they brought her some antibiotic ointment. She did not tell us this happened until the 26th. We asked if we need to get her to the hospital and she said no, it wasn’t bad enough for that! Hubby went over to look at it on the 27th and it looked bad. He tried to get her to go to the hospital and she refused. We tried multiple times over the next 2 days, still she refused. We went over again on the 30th and told her she didn’t have a choice, she was going to the hospital if she ever expected us to do anything for her ever again. She said ok after that, but still said she didn’t see the point – that it didn’t hurt and didn’t look that bad to her.

Ok, get to the hospital around 9 am the best I remember, (the ambulance crew had to turn their heads when they saw her foot, I thought the woman was going to vomit) Doctor takes a look, says second degree burn, says she should have come in the moment it happened and that she would be lucky if she didn’t lose her foot over this. He checked her foot and was surprised to find that it still had a pulse. This was good news! After many many many hours, they get permission to admit her (the ER doc whispered to me that he was afraid she would not take care of it if he let her out of the hospital.) It was nearly 9 pm when we left the hospital that day. I still have not recovered from that day.

Next day surgeon comes by and say the foot must be debrided, she refuses. Says it does not need that and that she will not allow them to put her to sleep for any reason. Refuses to answer other health questions and says that nothing else is any of their business that she is there for her foot only and since it does not hurt she wants to leave. Anything they ask her, she says they are just being nosy and trying to get into her business. Refuses to wear oxygen, says she does not need it. Refuses insulin shots (her sugar was through the roof and was even worse because you have to go off of metformin when you are in the hospital. Even refuses to bathe, says she is not dirty.

Ok, doctors and the nurses realize something is not quite right, order an evaluation. That doctor comes in and realizes she is simply no longer competent. Orders that she must have 24 hour care the rest of her life due to dementia. Tells us to get court order and paperwork necessary to take over guardianship and be her conservator. That was a nightmare, but we got it done. After the judge signed the temporary emergency orders (the final hearing is in November but we have been told this is simply a formality) we settled into how to tell her!

Now, we have to go tell her, this was not fun. She exploded with anger said we never liked her and just wanted her stuff and should be ashamed of ourselves for putting her in a nursing home. Said she was fine but even if she did need help we should let her live with us and take care of her. So, we had to explain (she didn’t believe) that we did NOT cause her to be put in a home, that she did, by being hateful and not complying with the doctors. Told her that she doesn’t HAVE anything for us to take! (we owned all the furniture in her apt except a 7 year old couch and cheap chair.) That we would not get her money that the nursing home gets all but $50 and that goes into a fund for her to use at the nursing home. Then explained to her that we are not well, and are not physically capable of taking care of her. ( I seriously doubt we would even if we could because she has always been hateful and mean to me and her son. Even when she was well)

Ok, so now she hates us even more. Lovely. It has taken, I think, two weeks to get her apartment empty. Thank GOD for our friends Beth and Jerry. If not for them we still would not be finished. Hubby’s sister was no help and expected us to wait for her to go through everything before we sorted it. Still wants to look at what we want to give to the church for their yard sale. We told her she has till Monday and then everything was leaving, we do not have the room to store this mess.

Will take a week to go through the couple of totes of stuff I set aside for us, mostly practical things, like pens, paper, envelopes, unopened shampoos, etc. and the unopened food from the apartment. (will take that long because I am physically exhausted and in a great deal of pain from the stupid Prilosec the doctor HAD me on to try to heal my stomach! ( I can’t win for losing)

Boy this is a long blog, if you got this far, congratulations! She is not happy at the nursing home, won’t comply with anything and probably never will. I’m so over this and so is my hubby.

And yes, for the record, my eyes are killing me from writing this, I am going to rest them now. Will be around some, but not as much as before. Maybe I can come back full force in a few months.

Hugs and God’s blessings to all. (and if you don’t believe in God, that’s ok, you don’t have to for ME to ask Him to bless you. All that is need for that is for me to believe. You can just consider it my best wishes to you!)

Wildkat781 aka - Kathy

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Kathy you and your family are in my prayers for health and patience. Just take one day at a time and you will get through it. God bless!
    47 days ago
    Wildkat - I will be praying for you and for your family.. It truly is sad that your mother in law has dementia , they really do not realized what is going on - so the best thing you can do is to keep loving her and praying for her.. Love really does take care of a lot of things.. and the more you ask Jesus to give you that love, then the more He gives .. I have always thought someday that might be me.. and I hope people will not quit loving me because I have an problem..

    I will also be praying for your health.. if you can only use your eyes in a limited way, then maybe you can listen to the Bible in an audio version.. Don't let the enemy rob you of getting God's Word into your heart .. That is so important and vital for us to live each day as we should..

    We truly will miss you, but you will always be a part of us and we are looking forward for a speedy healing in your body so you can come back soon …

    We hope all things work out in a good way for your family .. Keep on Trusting , Praying and Giving Praise to the Lord for all things because He is working out things for you and your family !!!

    Hugs and Prayers, emoticon emoticon emoticon

    48 days ago
    Oh, Kathy, that sounds so frustrating! I saw some of the issues my friends had when a parent had Alzheimer's. It wasn't pretty. :( I pray your new meds help your eyes and that you feel better soon! ❤
    48 days ago
    So sorry you're having to go thru all this. Prayers being said for you and your family. emoticon
    49 days ago
    Kathy I am praying you and your family through this ordeal and I will pray for healing
    50 days ago
    Dementia is incredibly sad for everyone under the best of circumstances. Prayers for you and your family.
    Take care of you. emoticon emoticon
    50 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. That's a lot to carry. We will be thinking of you. Make sure to give your eyes enough rest. Big hug from me
    51 days ago
    51 days ago
    *sad face* Take care of yourself, but I will miss you ...
    Oh my ... I deal with mom's memory problems and tyrants, but I dont know what I would do with dementia ... that is such a scarey disease .... sending prayers and thoughts of strength your way ... Huggghhs my friend!!! emoticon
    51 days ago
    take care of yourself. prayers for you for healing and your MIL that things get better. you have taken care of her even when your health is not so good for you. i'm sure the stress with your MIL is also a factor in some of your problems. (((HUGS))) and PRAYERS coming your way.
    51 days ago
    Hang in there. I will be praying for your recovery. We will miss you in the WV Team page, but completely understand that your eyes need rest. Blessings to you!
    51 days ago
    So sorry to hear of your troubles with your MIL. You and your DH are the best to take care of all this. Hope you will now take it easy, relax. God bless both of you.
    51 days ago
    God bless the 2 of you too. emoticon
    Hugs ,and check in when you can. emoticon
    51 days ago
    52 days ago
  • INSH8P
    No other explanation(s) needed. This says it all. Sincere regrets for everything that you have been through, with hope for a brighter future "with healing in [her] wings" for you and yours. emoticon
    52 days ago
  • DSJB9999
    Oh Kathy you have been through a really challenging time, take care of yourself and be patient! We sorted my Mum in Law's house recently and I know it's hard work! She clearly needed the care home but didn't realise it, least you know she is safe now. Take care of yourself!
    52 days ago
    I know this time is difficult for you all...I will be praying that God will give you both the strength through this trial. Remember ‘this too shall pass’ we just don’t know when. God bless you!
    52 days ago
  • JAMER123
    Kathy, I feel for you. I have a mom that does similar things and a stubborn, mulish attitude. At 93 she is refusing to give up driving and refuses anything I suggest that would make life easier for her. I understand. And God bless you for hanging in there as long as you and your hubby have. My hubby is able to cajole my mom a little but it's a fight most the time.

    Take care of yourself. Rest as you can. And then come back when you are doing better.
    emoticon emoticon
    52 days ago
    Will miss you but you need to take care of yourself now. Try and rest and recuperate from the ordeal. My mom had dementia but she never fought with us. Sorry that you are going through the wringer now.
    emoticon emoticon
    52 days ago
  • LINDA!
    Do what you have to do to stay healthy. emoticon
    52 days ago
    So sorry you have had such stress, dealt with some of this with FIL. Praying for you!
    52 days ago
    emoticon you had to go through this. I know it's in my very near future. Gets harder and harder to deal with elderly parents who are not quite right anymore. And that petulant child routine gets old really fast.

    Hope you get healthy soon and that you don't have any permanent damage to your eyes. Take care of yourself!
    52 days ago
  • LIZZIE138
    Big emoticon For you. I will keep you & your family in my prayers. You did the right thing regarding your MIL. Take care of yourself & keep us informed as to how everything is going.
    52 days ago
    What a nightmare. Your MIL is a mess and she is where she needs to be. Thank goodness you are not going to try to deal with her at home. I hope you have some time to rest and get better. Hugs.
    52 days ago
    i have uveyitus and can understand your eye pain no fun sorry about your mother in law take care of you
    52 days ago
  • MOMMA48
    emoticon So sorry to hear of everything you have and are going through! Blessings to you and your hubby for being strong and doing what is best for your MIL and you! Hope your pain subsides and you feel better soon. Take care, hun, and you and yours are in my prayers.
    52 days ago
    Kathy, you have been through so much. I hope you are feeling better soon and are pain-free. Take care.

    52 days ago
    No wonder you have been so exhausted and your health has suffered. Having to handle all that with your MIL had to be so stressful.

    While you will be missed here, your health has to come first. Take care of yourself and we will be here when you are able to return.

    emoticon emoticon
    52 days ago
    Praying for your arthritis and your eyes. We will miss you at Women Weight Warriors of God, but I understand you need to take a break. We'll be here when you get back! emoticon

    I'm sorry you have been through such a trial with your MIL. It would be a terrible mistake for you to take her in and try to care for her. I'm glad she has a home for that!
    52 days ago
    So sorry to hear all you and your hubby have been thru with MIL, and all the pain you're having besides. God bless you both. emoticon I'll have you in my prayers. Take care of yourself! Hope you'll be back and feeling better soon.
    52 days ago
    52 days ago
    emoticon I understand how hard it was to go through that with your mother in law. My mom did not have dementia however all of the getting her help, taking her meds, following doctors orders sounds so familar. More hugs for you emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Hope to see you again soon on my feed
    52 days ago
    52 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Congratulations for standing your ground, doing what needed to be done and complying with your own doctor for your health's benefit.
    Will be praying for you to get better all the way around. emoticon
    52 days ago
  • 417-EXERCISE30
    52 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    I will miss you! I wish you complete healing and sooner than expected. Sending love and prayers for you and hubby and bushels of patience for your MIL's caregivers (my best friend's mother is so similar...!)
    Take care of yourself and I HOPE to hear from you again soon with awesome news!
    52 days ago
    Hugs & all the best to both of you. Hope you feel better soon.
    52 days ago
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