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Getting A Doctor That Cares/ Firing One That Doesn’t

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Monday, November 11, 2019

I’ve been so put out by doctors before that I’ve cried. I’ve not gone when I needed to. I’ve gone to the ER and paid more instead. Why? They blame me being fat or are literally cruel to me about my weight. I had one doctor grab my stomach and say “What is this thing?” I cried. I’ve had doctors tell me I’m lazy or that I’ll never lose weight without surgery. Why? I said I was in pain and couldn’t move due to the pain. They thought I was lazy and needed diet and exercise, but did they X-ray me? MRI? Diagnose? NO! That is when you fire your doctor.

If your doctor degrades you, does not diagnose you, acts like it’s all in your head and you’re the one who is lazy- ask them why they are being lazy and not doing tests to diagnose. They can’t see your insides. They don’t know your blood values by looking at you. They do not necessarily understand chronic pain! And degrading is not acceptable in today’s society. Report them to the Attorney General or on Health Grades.

I weighed 200 plus pounds. I slowed down more and more each year from pain until I weighed 460. I ate and ate for comfort. I begged the docs for help and got nothing but eye rolls and cruel remarks, suggested diets... The problem was pain. I decided to get rid of those doctors.

I looked up doctors who dealt with obese patients. I grilled these doctors’ offices on the phone as to how the doctors treat people of size. Then I made choices. I found an internist who diagnosed me finally. Herniated disks all through my back and neck, pinched nerves, degenerative joint disease, bad knees, osteo arthritis, fibromyalgia and the list gets longer.

Her recommendation was to start in home physical therapy and get a walker, that I named “Freedom.” I was frustrated at first lifting shampoo bottles in bed and twisting my feet off the side of the bed. “What is this going to help?” “Every little move prepares you for the next bigger move.” Said the therapist. I just wanted to walk and be skinny now.

Later, I was walking with the walker, then a cane, then on my own. I now weigh 238. I lost 222 pounds.

It is rough keeping going at times, but coaching others and making my life about helping others in similar situations has helped me too. It is motivating. It helps me focus.

It really is a long journey, but a fun one. I’ve discovered so much about myself! It is not a diet!
It really is a health journey of discovery.

Join my team! The ~Indygirl Journey
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Beth Donovan
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TRIMNUP
    emoticon emoticon Not all doctors are what they should be. Sorry, you've experienced such disappointment and scorn. That is not right!
    21 days ago
  • BLBOOPSIE2
    I wish they would grade doctors on bedside manner. I've had to fire many doctors because of their bluntness. Heck, I know I'm fat, obese etc. I have lost a great deal on Weight Watchers and got down to 140# and was able to have my babies. Of course, I'm an emotional eater and gained it back with more. Add all the wonderful diseases I now have and I can't seem to get under 300#.; But I have a great doctor who is about the same age as my grown up children and we keep working on the problems and the weight. Thanks for your stories and help. I won't give up but I know it will take years now to drop this excess off.
    25 days ago
  • RENAHF
    Your experiences sound very difficult. Even though I have never experienced a doctor treating me badly due to my weight, I have met horrendous doctors who did not listen to their patients. You were so right to fire any doctor who doesn't listen and doesn't seem to care about you - studies have shown that physician responsiveness can make the difference between life and death sometimes.
    25 days ago
  • 4EVERDIETER
    Being comfortable with your doctor is so important. And very rare. Nice blog.
    26 days ago
  • 2BDYNAMIC
    Doctors are not God. They are people--and not to be put on pedestals. In my twenties, I had severe sciatica--undiagnosed that went untreated for over nine years. Will not go into all the awful details, but saw many doctors, and the last orthopedist I saw told me, "You have what I call frustrated housewife syndrome." ...... emoticon .... This genius came up with that snide remark after NO studies. Later found a neurosurgeon who ordered a myelogram (that was 1969--before Mri's etc. It found a ruptured disc; had surgery a few days later. Never saw that quack again.


    26 days ago
  • 2DAWN4
    Thank you for sharing your story! You are truly a rock star!
    26 days ago
  • JILLINOIS1
    I've been treated like that. My oncologist lit into me after chemo ended (I got the fat chemo for maintenance) and I'd cry for days before appointments. Also lost my doc of 8 years when she left town, and now, I'm just a paper with lab numbers on it- not a real person. Going to 4rh fam practice MD next week- the 3rd took 2 wks to respond to a request for a different insulin (copay issue) , and got down to 3 days worth before he responded. As a disabled RN, I have so many "ER from hell" stories (blog post with that on my WordPress blog). Got to where I'd put an NG down my nose for fluids when I had gallbladder issues, and nobody cared that my kidney function was getting worse because of dehydration from nausea.

    I hear you. Remember, they work for you.
    26 days ago
  • BARB4HEALTH
    I, too, can not move the way I would like to because of sciatica due to damage in my lower spine. I am walking mostly, but there are some things going on with my knees, too. If I stand too long, my thigh goes numb. So glad you found a Doctor to work with and you are doing such a great job!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    26 days ago
  • BLUEEYESCANADA
    Beth, you are an amazing woman and you have come so far.
    26 days ago
  • KAYDE53
    Great advice!
    26 days ago
  • BLPRETTYGIRL1
    emoticon emoticon in getting yourself hep !
    26 days ago
  • GRAMMY065
    Yes, I too have experienced this. I had one doctor (who himself was overweight mind you!) that said that “he couldn’t imagine having to carry around my amount of weight”. Fortunately my husband heard this as well-he was too stunned to say anything at the time also, but we immediately decided not too go back to this man. .However his comments stung and stuck with me and affected me for quite some time. I have since had doctors who have treated me with more thoughtfulness and understanding. I now have a chronic pain specialist who listens to me and cares. But I still hate to go to the doctor because I am afraid it will happen again. Isn’t it amazing how much one negative comment can influence your life and all of the other good comments?
    27 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/13/2019 12:26:49 PM
  • 97MONTY
    So well said, doctors can be cruel.
    27 days ago
  • BTRFLYDOG
    emoticon I had a doctor that only wanted to right prescriptions. When I first started showing showing high numbers for my blood pressure and cholesterol he immediately put me on pills. I asked about controlling them with diet and exercise - his exact words to me where " you won't be able to do it". Well I quit taking the pills and did it. He actually sounded disappointed when he gave me my good numbers. I stopped going to the doctor for 3-4 years. Then I got sick over the summer. I made an appointment with my fiancé's Dr instead. What a difference it is to have someone actually listen to you about your concerns.
    27 days ago
  • KOHINOOR2
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    27 days ago
  • no profile photo LAH1222
    Thank you for sharing. I have had good doctors, for the most part, the past 35 years. When my doctor that I had for 35 years retired last fall, I was wondering what my new doctor would be like. I have found that he takes time to listen to my questions and he referred me to a nutritionist when I asked him about getting one. The former doctor was much more conservative and wasn't as willing to give me a referred when I asked for one.
    27 days ago
  • KATE4FITNESS
    I really needed this today. My doc had some guy I've never met call me at 5:00 last Friday and say "your Triglycerides are 2600 so if you have any chest pain go right to the ER." Scared the heck out of me and I had no one to ask a question. FIRED!
    27 days ago
  • TERRIJ7
    Great advice.
    27 days ago
  • SPEDED2
    You are so brave! Thank you for sharing.
    27 days ago
  • GETULLY
    We forget we are in control at the doctor office. Thanks for writing.
    27 days ago
  • MARKSMOM3
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    27 days ago
  • VICKYLYLES
    Thank you for posting. My previous doctor was such a jerk. Didn't take me seriously. Glad he left and a new doctor came in. Love her!
    27 days ago
  • AZROSEZ
    emoticon I fired quite a few Dr.'s always got it is in your head speech. I finally have found a good Dr. he really listened to what I was saying. It took him only a month to find out what was wrong with me for many years the other Dr.'s I felt just didn't care to investigate. my new Dr. saved my life had the health condition not have been discovered when it was I would have died in a few months time.
    27 days ago
  • SIMPLYME47
    emoticon emoticon
    27 days ago
  • HEALTHYANDFIT27
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    27 days ago
  • MARILYNS481
    I think a lot of doctors just don't get it - I have a great one but at the beginning all he would say is - you are on the wrong road to health you need to make changes. Then a couple of years ago he realized he needed to lose weight - 35 pounds - and he told me he was sure he could do it in a couple of months - it took him 1 year - and he now says he understands how hard it is. Just say him 8 days ago to have him write in my journal 7 different numbers re blood work - as he was doing this he asked 'why' and I said 'yesterday I went no sugar or flour and was on my 2nd day - he looked up at me smiled and put 2 thumbs up - and said = you got it girl, take it one day making sure just today is no sugar and no flour and you will success. 8 Days ago I started this journey and I have lost 9.6 pounds. I no it works - am just taking it one day at a time - all I have to do to be success in changing my life re food it to get through today according to my food plan for the day

    You are an inspiration - love your bloggs
    27 days ago
  • DEE797
    Good advice, I'm so glad you found someone that is working with you instead of blaming you...
    27 days ago
  • KERRYG155
    Yes, I brought up an issue and the doctor slammed his folder shut while walking out the door while muttering "I can't understand why women can't learn to control their bodies. The office couldn't understand why I never went back.
    27 days ago
  • CMCHWK
    Thank you!
    27 days ago
  • GRANNYJACKIE2
    Thank you for the advice.
    27 days ago
  • JANCELEE51
    I cried when I read your blog. What insensitive Dr's. I have been blessed by good Dr's but because of my weight have avoided some. Not a good idea. Thx for sharing♥️
    28 days ago
  • DRAGONPRYF
    I just changed Drs today. She took the time during my physical. She asked questions about what previous Drs had put in the file. Asked me why I was still on birth control at 48. ( pain & period regulation ) Explained what Hasimoto's actually is and explained why my numbers are improving after 25 years. She listened to everything, check my ears, nose, gave me an EKG, even checked my feet. She mentioned they are flat and I said I needed to go back to the podiatrist for inserts. She said not to waste the money and get over the counter, they are just as good! I am now waiting for my fresh blood work. I am so happy I found a Dr who listens and who knows I get a very rare side effect from my Asthma Meds when antibiotics are introduced. I'm so happy I have a Dr who gets me, only took 30 years.
    28 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Patience and focus are so difficult, but can be done. Thank you.
    28 days ago
  • THINCPL2004
    Good advice on finding a good doctor!
    28 days ago
  • SHAKERATTLEROLL
    Beth you are such an inspiration. You continue to make improvements in your own health and the lives of others you truly have a caring and loving heart. Glad to know who you are
    28 days ago
  • MARYJOANNA
    You were smart to change doctors. I did, not because of my weight, but because this bozo never asked questions and was only concerned whether or not I was breathing! I have a doctor who asks questions and listens! What a difference!
    28 days ago
  • AQUAGIRL08
    I hear you. I've fired about six doctors since 2008. It's tough and sometimes humiliating.
    28 days ago
  • SPARKER-LADY
    Like the doctor advice
    28 days ago
  • JOYCEB444
    You are inspirational and Awesome; I recall when I was slightly overweight I had a doctor who acted like lose weight is the answer for any pain or even cold I had; I fired her and now have a doctor who cares about me!
    Thank you for sharing! emoticon
    28 days ago
  • CHERYLHURT
    Amazing
    28 days ago
  • TISTYEN
    My doctor kept telling me I needed to lose weight and offering suggestions, but I simply couldn't manage to do it on my own. This year, she referred me to a weight loss specialist that's in-network for my insurance, and I've lost 40 pounds since April, mostly by adjusting my intake. I've added more walking to my routine, including walking to get my lunch and bring it back to the staff lounge to eat and getting up periodically to walk around the building. I'm not always perfect, but this time, I have accountability, so when I go off the rails, I make it a conscious decision to do so in a specific way and get right back on track.
    28 days ago
  • JUDITHANNIE
    Beth you're an inspiration to all. I'm privileged to call you my friend. Love you emoticon emoticon
    28 days ago
  • MARTHA324
    emoticon
    You show that with perseverance it can be done and you are doing it!

    28 days ago
  • LIFESTYLE12
    Your determination and connection with your inner self truly has directed you to where you are today - love this team and all the honesty. emoticon
    28 days ago
  • RUTHIEBEAR
    I agree. I have switched doctors many times. I need people on my team that listen and help.
    28 days ago
  • NEWMOM20121
    Well said. Thank you for sharing.
    28 days ago
  • TAV1957
    Indy, I too had a Dr. that always told me I was fat. He would not listen to me so I asked for a different Dr. I found a Dr. who cared about me and supported me. He let me be involved with my care plan. I was considering Bariatric Surgery. We talked and talked about it. One day, I told him I wanted to try one more time to lose weight on my own. That's when I discovered SparkPeople. My heaviest weight was 233 lbs, and that was because I self medicated with food when my mother passed away with cancer. I immediately lost 10 lbs the first month. I started walking from one end of our apartment complex to the other. I didn't notice it myself but a friend saw me and told me how great I looked and she wanted to take a picture of me, that's when I saw it! I am so grateful for SparkPeople and to the Dr. that supported and encouraged me. That Dr. has now moved on to a different job but I loved him as a person and Dr.

    Thank you Dr. S for all of the encouragement you gave me.
    28 days ago
  • TAV1957
    Indy, I too had a Dr. that always told me I was fat. He would not listen to me so I asked for a different Dr. I found a Dr. who cared about me and supported me. He let me be involved with my care plan. I was considering Bariatric Surgery. We talked and talked about it. One day, I told him I wanted to try one more time to lose weight on my own. That's when I discovered SparkPeople. My heaviest weight was 233 lbs, and that was because I self medicated with food when my mother passed away with cancer. I immediately lost 10 lbs the first month. I started walking from one end of our apartment complex to the other. I didn't notice it myself but a friend saw me and told me how great I looked and she wanted to take a picture of me, that's when I saw it! I am so grateful for SparkPeople and to the Dr. that supported and encouraged me. That Dr. has now moved on to a different job but I loved him as a person and Dr.

    Thank you Dr. S for all of the encouragement you gave me.
    28 days ago
  • GWYNANNE1
    I am so sorry to hear about your experiences with doctors. I have never ever had a doctor shame me about my weight
    28 days ago
  • 1DAY-ATA-TIME
    Great advice Beth. I've rejected doctors based on how they interacted with me or my kids.
    28 days ago
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