Every day counts (in a good way!)
Wednesday, November 13, 2019
I love math. Math is awesome because numbers don't lie. The only problem with math is numbers are concrete and life is not. For years I have used math to map out my gameplan and anticipate where I would be at X stage or month or year if I did so much of X and lost X consistently. My calculations never accounted for days that don't go as planned, illness (physical as well as mental), the weight stall on the scale when muscle replaces fat, water retention, relationships, sleep, and well, basically, life.
I have been mentally calculating my goal weight for a long time. My first memory is when I was 13. I bought a pair of pants that were a size too small on purpose and then wrapped them up in a box that I was to open after so many workouts accomplished over a month or two. I never did fit in them properly. When I was 18 I put a tiny slip of paper at the bottom of a vitamin container (300 tablets) that said, "You did it! Goal weight!". I would have a vitamin after every workout and figured after 300 workouts I would have definitely reached my goal. I worked out multiple times a day sometimes and kept adding more requirements for what an acceptable workout was, I never got to the bottom of the bottle. When I was 26 the math became more mental and I would calculate pounds per week multiplied by months until...(insert next big event). I used to walk the industrial blocks around my job in Irvine every day for lunch and can remember trying to get to a certain weight by my cousin's wedding. I never met the weight goal and I missed my cousin's wedding something I still deeply regret. I continued this thinking for the next almost 20 years.
In every case, I NEVER met my goal. Here I am over 30 years later and I still stand in the shower and "map" out a game plan for Easter if its Fall, Christmas in July, the 4th of July in January etc... the time frames usually get longer as now I have so much more weight to lose and I want to be "realistic" right?
I have decided today that I will no longer use math to set myself up for failure. The further I am from my healthy weight range the bigger the math has to be and it gets so far into the future. Add to that a struggle with "all or nothing" type thinking and one scoop of ice cream easily turns into two because I can "start tomorrow" there are still 249 days left to meet this goal (this will happen repeatedly because of course I need every day to be perfect), then halfway through, I can adjust the math and hopefully lose 2 pounds/week for the next 10 weeks....okay make that 10 pounds/week for 4 weeks...Heck, I'll lose 20 pounds next week and still be on track!
I have already had to shut down the dialogue multiple times in the last two days because I started exercising again and during a great workout the little voice comes back that says, "If you keep this up times X times per week, over X amount of months you can be at X". It steals the joy of my workout in progress because all of a sudden it becomes only one of thousands I will need to accomplish my set goal instead of the victory it is for today. I got up and exercised, that is huge right now! That mentality minimizes and belittles all of my "today" efforts in exchange for a lofty future achievement. No More. I also realize that I don't do mini workouts because that mental dialogue has always said, "If you don't have time for at LEAST 45 minutes, there is no point." Lies....
I am going to make an effort every day but I only have TODAY to work with. That's it. It's really wonderful too, I get to make the best of this great day and I get to choose or correct or rest or do whatever depending on how I slept, what interruptions come my way, how I am feeling, what things are most important etc...
Thanks for reading:)