Healing work is hard but well worth it!
Friday, November 15, 2019
Going through memory work is not fun, but on the other side it is so healing and freeing. Still going through bouts of crying but almost there. I know this all had been the root of my weight issue. Praying it is the end of it now. Its so hard but so well worth it.
I pray before each session that I can take a step forward on my healing path. and give permission for my angels and guides to help me see the truth no matter how much it hurts or how much fear I have.
Even 50 years later, I am still having memories come out. I sure hope this is the last one, at least the last big one. It hurts so much, but I know it is helping me in the long run. With each one, I hope it is the last. When the body is ready to heal and show something to you, it comes out.
I have been cramming food in for so long to hide this part of me. To hide the hurt and pain of my childhood. I have lost 100 pounds a few times only to gain it back again. And I am at the top of my weight once again. So ashamed of myself, of my weight but now maybe I can let the past go, accept the real me without my abusive parents telling me how horrible and worthless I am. Without abusing my sweet innocent body for 23 years. Still working on forgiving myself and my beautiful body but it is a process. They taught me to hate myself, for how can you hate the people who you love and are supposed to love you. Any normal child would blame themselves, your parents are god right? What they say and tell you must be the truth. If they are good than I must be the bad one.
Well, this last memory, I had to face that they were wrong, they were evil, they were both horrendous so called parents. My daddy whom I thought loved me and felt that if I knew he was an abuser who slept with me every night did not truly love me and it was abuse not love, that i would die. Yes, it hurts but I am still here, letting myself cry and feel and heal.
This still hurts so much, crying as i write this. HEY WORLD, MY MAMA AND DADDY HURT ME AND WERE BAD BUT I AM NOT BAD, I AM NOT THEM, I AM NOT DARK AND EVIL LIKE THEM. I AM LIGHT, I AM LOVE AND I AM TRUTH!
DO YOU HEAR ME MAMA AND DADDY????? (thankfully they are both gone)
Now, maybe I can finally get this excess weight off for good, don't have to hide anymore.