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dont want sympathy but dont want the condescention either

Sunday, November 24, 2019

my dh and i dont have kids. we have had issues with infertility and early term miscarriages. we dont talk about it because it is personal and we dont want sympathy. however we would like my relatives to stop acting like condescneding asses about it to us. they have kids but they get antsy when offer to babysit the little nieces/nephews or think we cant get them to nap. we are of course not experts but we are able to do it. i was almost 15 when my youngest sister was born and i did plenty of babysitting . i dont know a good response when they say "well, you dont have kids". my dh gets so pissed he just walks away and when they ask me about it i do not know how to respond without getting emotional or simply cussing them out.
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  • IRISHGAL46
    Very frustrating.
    54 days ago
  • DESKJOCKEY925

    emoticon Why are people so frustrating at times??!?!!?

    As for a response, to "you don't have kids" here's a few thoughts ....

    If you're feeling sassy ... I like the response "Well, if I DID, I'd be talking to YOU about babysitting MINE. Let's focus here."

    If you're just wanting to stop someone dead in their tracks ... a deadpan response like this is bound to put an end to the discussion and likely not have it raised again. "We wanted to have kids, but weren't physically able to." ((I remember when someone asked me a year or so about whether I was pregnant - and I was not -- I just responded....'No, I'm just fat.' Soo, that kind of response.))

    If you're feeling like you want to make it a couples response :-) You could day something like ...
    "i disagree! I have a husband and I understand he's likely to be the most difficult and perpetual kid I will ever have." Ask DH what kinda of response he wants to layer on top of that one !!


    56 days ago
  • ONEBLUEMOON
    Rowdy Rebel hugs! I hope attitudes don’t spoil holiday get-togethers. emoticon
    56 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/24/2019 4:23:20 PM
  • GARDENCHRIS
    I'm so sorry they are such jerks!
    57 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    YOu know what. People who are so insensitive as to say such things deserve NO explanation or answer what-so-ever. I'd walk away.

    Went thru infertility and ended up adopting. That was right for us. That's not a sol'n for everyone!

    All I can say is, there ARE NO PERFECT PARENTS. Period.

    I like the reply CHERIRIDDELL gave (if I was fed up enough to give a totally appropriate sarcastic answer). I think it fits!
    57 days ago
  • RASPBERRY56
    emoticon
    57 days ago
  • SCHECK5
    HUGS to you...it's their loss of a great person.
    57 days ago
  • MARYJOANNA
    Have you thought of adopting? Our two are adopted and we couldn't be happier!
    57 days ago
  • LESLIELENORE
    It’s sad that they have so little empathy. It says more about them and their attitudes than it ever could about you...
    57 days ago
  • CHERIRIDDELL
    I have one daughter she was born at 7 months I had 5 miscarriages before she was born.I think I can sympathize better than most with you.I guess I have a sarcastic streak I said "Fine you are happy to leave them with a teenage babysitter who does not have kids but you worry about leaving them with a family member just cause they don't have kids "(I was 27 when my daughter was born !) Noone ever questioned my ability after that.Now my daughter is older and the little neighbour still comes to me for art lessons and just to visit.I love children even though I only had one.
    57 days ago
  • KOALA_BEAR
    That should be "dh" not dog, darn spell ck.
    57 days ago
  • KOALA_BEAR
    I would offer once such as my dog & I love kids & would be happy to watch yours any time you need us. Then drop it. Maybe their expectations are different than yours, or they are afraid if something bad did happen, it would ruin the family dynamic
    57 days ago
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