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All good things must come to an end...

Monday, November 25, 2019

...or every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

Forgive the cliches, but here I am. Spark Motivator, huge success story, lost 50 pounds and maintained it for NINE years. Almost a decade. Maintained it through job changes, life changes, a big move. Look at me! Maybe my clothes didn't fit *quite* as well, maybe I didn't make the *best* choices, but heck, I was still pretty slim.

Enter November 2018. On November 28, 2018 my father fell and broke his leg badly. To make a long story short, lots of bad things ensued...surgeries, kidney failure, sepsis, dialysis, a stroke and...ultimately...he passed away on July 22, 2019.

I ate my feelings. I.ATE.MY.FEELINGS. It started slowly...the holidays after watching him almost die in the hospital on Christmas Eve. Then it was the traveling back and forth from my house to their place every weekend and visiting my dad in hospitals...rehabs...rinse, repeat. I would grab convenience food on the go, my mom would host me for sleepovers and cook me decadent meals where i would eat mine, half of hers and anything leftover. Then he died and I thought "I deserve this" while eating a bag of chips or grabbing that medium shake that previously would have been a small.

My cat died a month and a half later and she was like another daughter to me so I continued to eat my feelings. And then time to go back to work and CRAP my clothes do not fit...this is bad.

No big deal, I've got this! Been there, done that. I curbed the eating a decent amount and stepped up the activity but the scale is frozen and my shrink sends me for bloodwork to rule out a medical reason for the weight gain and there is none BUT now I have put myself in a position where my cholesterol is 251 and although I may have only gained 30ish pounds back my health is actually WORSE than it was 50 pounds higher. And I'm scared.

So back to Sparkpeople, with my head hung in shame, trying to do better so I don't die young. So my kids don't have to do this whole bereavement thing while they're still kids.

So I am no longer your motivator...it is time for you to be mine.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SMALLTOWNMOMMY
    A motivator you still are! Motivating people still stumble, fall and fail in their eyes. Motivating people also get back up, brush themselves off and keep going, eye on the prize.

    Life is not a cake walk (I’d be WAY happier if there was free cake), so success is failing and getting back up. Success is constantly learning and adapting. Success is a positive attitude and a benevolent spirit. Success is you.
    377 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    I'm 70 and fell and broke my femur 3 yrs ago, so I know how serious it is. They put a rod with pins in from my hip joint to my knee and as my regular doctor said "Your body thinks you HIP is broke, which can lead to death." So, I'm sure that is what happened to your father. I spent 34 days in rehab. Long process.

    Hugs.
    378 days ago
  • ANNIESADVENTURE
    Please don't feel so bad. Life happens. I now weigh more than when I started Spark, and I am a "motivator," too. I was caregiver for my parents and have walked a little in your shoes. Add in my own health issues (major surgeries and illnesses, including cancer) as well as grieving. Then this year I got a nasty scare in my blood work, too. Funny what we can do when we are scared. I was already on a losing path this year, but that made me get really serious about a major overhaul of my plan. It is working.
    We can do this. You are not alone.
    Sending you a big hug.
    emoticon

    448 days ago
  • GAZUNTITE
    Welcome back, I am a returnee as well, at least you've done the most important thing, and you are putting your health first. You have got this.
    462 days ago
  • -RESAMARIE
    What an ordeal...Stress can make out bidies freak out. Try some relaxation techniques. Getting calm helps. I have some issues I'm working on too. Stay strong and get well.
    462 days ago
  • LMCSMILES
    You can do it. I had a few upsets in my life last year. I couldn't walk without a walker for four months. Did alot of sitting snd I gained 24 lbs. Determined to get back at 165. Kerp going...you'll Do it.
    462 days ago
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