Tuesday, November 26, 2019
In January I lost my mare, Fancy. It was something expected with her, since she was 34 years old, but it still hurt. In August my sweet little dog, Cassie, was diagnosed with lymphoma. We fought for her and prayed for her, but on Saturday I had to help her over the bridge. She wanted to be with me still, but didn't want to come in the house even though it was really cold outside. She refused to leave me, though, even though the lymphoma was taking its toll. My heart is totally broken and I have been having total times of crying, especially if I start thinking of her by my chair where she always lay next to Orzo and me. Or like this morning when I was thinking whether she was watching for me from her crate, then realized she wasn't there. I hate that she is gone. I hate the disease that took her. She was so healthy just a few months ago. Now she is gone.
I was watching "The Good Doctor" tonight and he was asked what he was afraid of. His answer was "being alone." He had a reason added on, but being alone is one of my main fears, too. Oh, I have friends, but at home I am alone. What happens if I get hurt and no one knows. What happens if I end up in a coma and nobody knows? I am alone and nobody would think to check on me.