Saturday, December 07, 2019
My mother died on November 19th. When I got home the house was decorated for Christmas, which it hadn’t been when I left. It was jarring, and I felt, insensitive. The world just keeps spinning. The days keep changing. It all feels so rushed. If I could just push pause for a few weeks so I could get caught up with the rest of the world. There’s just no time. No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get caught up to all of the things I should be doing. Slog on as I might, I just keep falling behind. Every time I stop to cry a little I fall more behind. Plus, I really need some comfort food, but I’m broke now, so I have to stick to pantry food. I can’t even afford to go on a long drive, which is my usual coping mechanism. There is no conclusion to this, I don’t have time to figure one out.