Monday, December 09, 2019
i put my Christmas tree up yesterday.. it is the the first time in 7 years i have put one up... the first one since my daughter moved out...
i really don't like Christmas for a variety of reasons .. it is not happy.. it is not jolly.. it is filled with sadness and loss
but i am trying to move on.. and in the spirit of moving on i decided to decorate for xmas and try remembering the jolly , happy side of it all
i have a not the size of sussex in my belly and a vague sick feeling.. and i feel on the verge of tears.. i am guessing anxiety has kicked in i just don't know why ... well i mean i know it is to do with xmas but i don't know why it is making me so anxious
in other news i can ask why now i am not just blindly listening to the negative things in my head .. i am questioning them and arguing my point