I am sitting here listening to the sweet buzz of the heating system (thank you for a warm home, God) and having some solitude while hubby sleeps (thank you for him, Lord) and a cup of coffee..well, my third cup of coffee. I'm debating about new year's resolutions, and I have decided... I'm not going to do that.
For decades I had the same resolutions: Lose Weight, and become more organized. Each year I fell fabulously short on my goals. It almost became a joke to me, those same two darn resolutions that I wouldn't make... RESOLVE!
2019 has brought its stress, but also I have done some good work. Some good weight maintenance thanks to Weight Watchers (blue), and also, I have become more organized! I still have way too many papers. But I have come a long way, and I am glad about that.
I think that when we tackle something with a heart of love rather than a hard heart that is mad that we "just can't get it right", something sort of magical happens. We begin to stop looking at things as black or white. There is no "always" or "never". Which leaves space for so much growth, because there is so much less condemnation.
For 2020? I would like to get my body more in shape, re-lose the pounds that will put me back at goal weight and monitor to see if 145 pounds IS attainable and sustainable for me. And if it's not... that's fine! I am more than a number on the scale. That doesn't mean I have given up and need to hate myself. It just means I am not willing to restrict the rest of my life's eating to stay a number.
I am also thinking that I will stop drinking coffee and diet soda. But for my own emotional health and self love, I'm not making it a directive. If I can cut down on the coffee and soda, that will still be a big win. I don't have to say I will "NEVER" drink them again.
I used to think that it had to be NEVER. That if it wasn't NEVER, then I was a loser.
And if I was a loser.. why not just "do whatever I want!" because feeling like a loser brings out a lot of rebelliousness in me.
2020? The only thing I am resolving is to treat myself with more kindness. I have not lost ONE POUND by hating myself !!! NOT ONE!!!! I went an entire year without eating chocolate... and lost no weight. All I did was be cruel to myself with my all or nothings.
Have goals, YES! And of course, take those goals seriously so that you can see results.
But be very kind to yourself. Half as kind as you would be to a stranger would be an enormous amount, I am betting!
Go to the store and buy colorful fruits and vegetables not because you have to, but because you GET TO. Buy a measuring tape so that you don't want to give up if the scale isn't your friend for a week or a month. Journal and/or pray because your feelings matter and without the cover of food those feelings become raw. Be vulnerable, reach out, be YOU.
You are enough.