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Borrowing Trouble

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Hi Sparkers!

I need to start a PoE (Plan of Eating) that fits into my life. It can not be too strict, or time focused. I truly don't know where to start. What is best for my body and my goals. Plans that are out there are more of a one-size-fits-all which is not realistic. I also, don't count calories as I find it very confusing I make most food myself, I get very frustrated and run in the opposite direction.

I have an email out to a dietician and will make some calls on Tuesday when I have off to others, to see about an appointment. This is not a decision I should make on my own as history shows me, I'm not qualified to develop a plan myself.

My fear is eating too much or too little, not eating the right amount at the right meals. I have fluxuate from way over-eating to dangerously under-eating. I don't know the right balances- I don't depend on my mind to tell me when I'm hungry (That would be 24/7- which I KNOW is a lie).

I also need to start exercising again. I'm breathless when I go up 2 flights of stairs. Walking a mile is hard again.

My fear is over-exercising or not using correct form and hurting myself. I was going to the gym last year and apparently was not using good form and ended up in a lot of pain for about 4 months. I have also over-exercised to the point of passing-out. Neither is good.

What I plan is to start with 30 mins cardio for the first week or two. Then add in weight training and cardio on alternate days. Working out will not exceed 1 hr. I have a weight training plan developed by a personal trainer so I will be using that.

I fear the changes both of these will have on me. I wonder who I will be if I'm no longer obsessing over food, or feeling guilty about what I eat. Who am I if I don't go home right after work and sit on the couch. This is who I have been my whole life. It scares me to know, or worse fail at eating truly healthy and getting stronger. Am I really a failure and this will be one more antidotal proof that I'm not worth taking care of.

I believe my Higher Power wants what is best for me and will guide me well. But, I'm having a hard time right now hushing that inner critic that lies and moving past the fear. I'm writing about it because there is freedom in speaking the fear and knowing I'm not alone in my fears.

I wish all the Sparkers a wonderful and blessed day!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I relate.

    Great job! emoticon
    44 days ago
    You can do this! I am working out to My Groove online. However, it is not free. $56 a year. I also exercise on a recumbent bike each day, almost every day.

    I know it seems so tiring and you have been through a long haul with the challenges. But look at how far you have come! This is the final stretch! Sometimes that is the hardest part.

    You can and will do this! I just know you can.
    45 days ago
    I don't use the SP food tracker because it requires you to put in quantities - I just keep track of what I eat, not necessarily how much except on a rough basis. About a cup or half a 9 inch plate, for example.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    46 days ago
  • MKB1962
    Maybe we can work on our food plans together. I’m pretty sure I need one so I know when I’m physically abstinent and when I’m not! Let me know what you think.
    46 days ago
    You can do this. Log your food and take things one day at a time.
    47 days ago
    You can do it
    47 days ago
    I have all the same fears and went to a dietitian and decided to just use spark because it didn't seem like I was going to get my money's worth. But keep blogging maybe it was just that dietian.
    47 days ago
    I lost 10 pounds a month following the old Canada Food Guide which spells out what to eat and how much, no calorie counts needed. I had a notebook and wrote down everything I ate and counted the servings of the various foods groups. Note grains include high carbs vegetables - potatoes, corn, sweet potatoes, brown beans, and peas.


    Let us know what the dietitian tells.
    47 days ago
    You use the word fear so often in your heartfelt blog. Maybe address that because nothing ventured = nothing gained. Get used to stayying as close to your plan as you can without besting yourself up. A dietician is a wonderful idea. Try the tracker
    47 days ago
  • CBASS30
    emoticon Hi emoticon
    47 days ago
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