Sunday, January 12, 2020
I need to start a PoE (Plan of Eating) that fits into my life. It can not be too strict, or time focused. I truly don't know where to start. What is best for my body and my goals. Plans that are out there are more of a one-size-fits-all which is not realistic. I also, don't count calories as I find it very confusing I make most food myself, I get very frustrated and run in the opposite direction.
I have an email out to a dietician and will make some calls on Tuesday when I have off to others, to see about an appointment. This is not a decision I should make on my own as history shows me, I'm not qualified to develop a plan myself.
My fear is eating too much or too little, not eating the right amount at the right meals. I have fluxuate from way over-eating to dangerously under-eating. I don't know the right balances- I don't depend on my mind to tell me when I'm hungry (That would be 24/7- which I KNOW is a lie).
I also need to start exercising again. I'm breathless when I go up 2 flights of stairs. Walking a mile is hard again.
My fear is over-exercising or not using correct form and hurting myself. I was going to the gym last year and apparently was not using good form and ended up in a lot of pain for about 4 months. I have also over-exercised to the point of passing-out. Neither is good.
What I plan is to start with 30 mins cardio for the first week or two. Then add in weight training and cardio on alternate days. Working out will not exceed 1 hr. I have a weight training plan developed by a personal trainer so I will be using that.
I fear the changes both of these will have on me. I wonder who I will be if I'm no longer obsessing over food, or feeling guilty about what I eat. Who am I if I don't go home right after work and sit on the couch. This is who I have been my whole life. It scares me to know, or worse fail at eating truly healthy and getting stronger. Am I really a failure and this will be one more antidotal proof that I'm not worth taking care of.
I believe my Higher Power wants what is best for me and will guide me well. But, I'm having a hard time right now hushing that inner critic that lies and moving past the fear. I'm writing about it because there is freedom in speaking the fear and knowing I'm not alone in my fears.
I wish all the Sparkers a wonderful and blessed day!