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1 The truth

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

I am writing this blog hopefully daily, for me. If anyone else reads it and gets something helpful or useful out of it that is great, but once again I am the one that has to pay for the way I have made myself. It will hopefully be a reminder to me of how, and got the way I am. I am a nearly 60 year old man that has been obsessively overweight for the entirety of my adult life. When I was 21 I was 6 foot tall, and weighed 225 pounds. I led a fairly active and physical lifestyle. As the years went by, little by little the weight increased, but I remained active.
I turned 30 years old and was at about 250-260, but still active, but not caring or paying any attention to the foods I was putting in my body (types, or amounts). Jump forward to 37 years old. My job had changed from the busy, active job (working on an ambulance for 12 years), to a sedentary job of statistics ( working at a desk behind a computer all day). My weight has blossomed up to 315, my activity level had decreased in my work life. Then comes the benefits of how I had been living, My first heart attack. The Doctors all told me I needed to change my diet, quit smoking, and change my activity level. I did, I quit smoking for 3 weeks, I ate by the American Heart Association Guidelines for a couple of months, and my activity level decreased. These were all choices that I willingly made. no excuses, no one else made them for me , they were my choices not to take charge and improve my lifestyle, to improve my health.
I noticed that after that I began to have a few other health issues pop up from time to time, but hey I was getting older, things like that happen right? I noticed that my weight increased a little quicker and a little easier. Once again I should have taken control and made the changes that were needed.
Age 40, 350 pounds, and have had a second angioplasty and placement of stents to open up the flow of blood to my heart. I have now tried about every different diet plan out there. Some worked short term if I followed the diet, but so many times I would find excuses why I couldn't stay on that diet, or why that diet didn't or wasn't working. The thing that was not working was me. I had become lazy about activity, about what I ate, about how I ate, about life. I had accepted the fat that I was a fat man, an unhealthy man, and that was what I had in store for me for the rest of my life.
Fast forward to age 42, five years after my first heart attack. Heart attack #2. This heart attack was much different from the first one. This one did some damage to my heart. The doctors told me that I had CAD, High BP, elevated cholesterol, a murmur of my heart, and morbid obesity. I had another angioplasty with more stents placed. The doctors put me on more maintenance prescriptions up to 7 at that time. They recommended all the same changes for me, activity, Heart smart diet and quit smoking. I did follow the heart smart diet for nearly a year with no real change in weight (down or up). My activity level increased as they put me in cardiac rehab for 3 months, after rehab ended I did get a membership at the local community center. I made use of the exercise equipment there for several months until I started have head neck and shoulder pain. The cause of the pain turned out to be 2 herniated discs in my neck. This gave me all the excuse I needed to stop exercising.
Fast forward to 2019 age 59. Bi yearly Cardiologist appointment, my weight now 505 pounds. Cardiologist says that the heart has some new issues and some of the existing issues have worsened. I now have CAD, AFib, CHF, severe dual valve regurgitation, Pre diabetic, and in need of surgical intervention (valve replacements, and coronary artery bypass graph times 4). She refers me to a cardiac surgeon, I go through 6 different tests, and scans. Surgeon agrees that these surgeries are needed, but that they can't be done until I lose 200 pounds. Now on 13 daily maintenance drugs, and short of breath all the time, no knees left (both bone on bone), I went on keto diet and lost almost 60 pounds in a 4 month time frame, then started having severe right sided abdominal pain, Doctor says fatty liver, off of keto.
Roll forward to today. I awoke this morning sick and tired of being sick and tired, hurting to get out of bed. Aches and pains as I got dressed for work. It hit me this morning. Everything that has not worked was a bunch of BS. The only reason all the different things I have tried or done have not worked all come down to the same thing. ME. The truth is I am the only thing, the only person, the only obstacle in my way. I have to get out of my own way and make this work. If I can't figure out how to stop being my own worst enemy, I will not be around much longer.
Starting today, the excuses leave, the blaming people, things, events, and medical issues for my what does and doesn't work are gone. Plain and simple: I fix it or I have let myself do me in. I my be old, I may be fat, I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am finally awoken to the fact that the only problem is me. I am going to fix that problem starting NOW!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • OOLALA53
    Rough but true. I have seen so many people here on Spark, myself included, waffle for years saying they were "trying." Those of us who finally turned things around know what that usually means. (Doesn't mean everyone can get skinny, though.) Then they will really get scared or whatever, and they suddenly start doing things they said were too hard before. Or they stumble on a program that fits.

    Sorry you had to give up something that seemed to be working. I'm am not a low carb fan, but a lot of people have good results and enjoy it. Intermittent fasting can have very similar effects, getting the body to draw fat and use ketones some hours of the day but eating starchy foods (IMHO, best if they are whole, unrefined versions, so not bread or baked goods). I am not a master faster, but know some about it and recently took over a fasting team here on Spark, Fasting for Fat Loss. I am not trying to lose weight, but fasting has so many other longevity benefits. But I also run a No S Diet team here that might be an easier start. Please reach out if you'd like more particulars.

    There is also a Spark team for Dr. Jason Fung. He partnered with a low carb doc so there is that influence, but you don't have to be low carb to appreciate his work or follow his other recommendations. He now specializes in reversing diabetes, but also obesity, I'm not on that; too much low carb stuff and I am on so many other teams. Seven years maintenance. I"m on your side!

    I really think fasting is not going to be a fad. It has too many positives going for it.
    176 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    196 days ago
    just do it... I've lost 209 pounds on Sparkpeople... with a lot of support & motivation here on the site. I'll be here for you & others too!
    212 days ago
  • 10XPERLB
    oh, and I added you as my sparkfriend and have your page in my top 6 people! emoticon
    212 days ago
  • 10XPERLB
    the best part about making small goals is it's doable... 8 cups water, eat something veggie daily, or my favorite: use food scale at every meal and jot down accurately- no matter if it's over or way over what I was supposed to be should be eating.

    I hope you accept an invitation I'm mailing you into your sparkmail box. emoticon
    212 days ago
  • RAVEN145
    Thanks for sharing
    213 days ago
  • JUNETTA2002
    Thanks for sharing.
    213 days ago
    I am 42 and have always been healthy, this year I can't say that. Triglycerides are sky high and good and bad cholesterol are bad. I am now being tested for diabetes! Huge wake up call. Your post inspired me stick with it and make a new future!
    213 days ago
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