1 The truth
Tuesday, February 18, 2020
I am writing this blog hopefully daily, for me. If anyone else reads it and gets something helpful or useful out of it that is great, but once again I am the one that has to pay for the way I have made myself. It will hopefully be a reminder to me of how, and got the way I am. I am a nearly 60 year old man that has been obsessively overweight for the entirety of my adult life. When I was 21 I was 6 foot tall, and weighed 225 pounds. I led a fairly active and physical lifestyle. As the years went by, little by little the weight increased, but I remained active.
I turned 30 years old and was at about 250-260, but still active, but not caring or paying any attention to the foods I was putting in my body (types, or amounts). Jump forward to 37 years old. My job had changed from the busy, active job (working on an ambulance for 12 years), to a sedentary job of statistics ( working at a desk behind a computer all day). My weight has blossomed up to 315, my activity level had decreased in my work life. Then comes the benefits of how I had been living, My first heart attack. The Doctors all told me I needed to change my diet, quit smoking, and change my activity level. I did, I quit smoking for 3 weeks, I ate by the American Heart Association Guidelines for a couple of months, and my activity level decreased. These were all choices that I willingly made. no excuses, no one else made them for me , they were my choices not to take charge and improve my lifestyle, to improve my health.
I noticed that after that I began to have a few other health issues pop up from time to time, but hey I was getting older, things like that happen right? I noticed that my weight increased a little quicker and a little easier. Once again I should have taken control and made the changes that were needed.
Age 40, 350 pounds, and have had a second angioplasty and placement of stents to open up the flow of blood to my heart. I have now tried about every different diet plan out there. Some worked short term if I followed the diet, but so many times I would find excuses why I couldn't stay on that diet, or why that diet didn't or wasn't working. The thing that was not working was me. I had become lazy about activity, about what I ate, about how I ate, about life. I had accepted the fat that I was a fat man, an unhealthy man, and that was what I had in store for me for the rest of my life.
Fast forward to age 42, five years after my first heart attack. Heart attack #2. This heart attack was much different from the first one. This one did some damage to my heart. The doctors told me that I had CAD, High BP, elevated cholesterol, a murmur of my heart, and morbid obesity. I had another angioplasty with more stents placed. The doctors put me on more maintenance prescriptions up to 7 at that time. They recommended all the same changes for me, activity, Heart smart diet and quit smoking. I did follow the heart smart diet for nearly a year with no real change in weight (down or up). My activity level increased as they put me in cardiac rehab for 3 months, after rehab ended I did get a membership at the local community center. I made use of the exercise equipment there for several months until I started have head neck and shoulder pain. The cause of the pain turned out to be 2 herniated discs in my neck. This gave me all the excuse I needed to stop exercising.
Fast forward to 2019 age 59. Bi yearly Cardiologist appointment, my weight now 505 pounds. Cardiologist says that the heart has some new issues and some of the existing issues have worsened. I now have CAD, AFib, CHF, severe dual valve regurgitation, Pre diabetic, and in need of surgical intervention (valve replacements, and coronary artery bypass graph times 4). She refers me to a cardiac surgeon, I go through 6 different tests, and scans. Surgeon agrees that these surgeries are needed, but that they can't be done until I lose 200 pounds. Now on 13 daily maintenance drugs, and short of breath all the time, no knees left (both bone on bone), I went on keto diet and lost almost 60 pounds in a 4 month time frame, then started having severe right sided abdominal pain, Doctor says fatty liver, off of keto.
Roll forward to today. I awoke this morning sick and tired of being sick and tired, hurting to get out of bed. Aches and pains as I got dressed for work. It hit me this morning. Everything that has not worked was a bunch of BS. The only reason all the different things I have tried or done have not worked all come down to the same thing. ME. The truth is I am the only thing, the only person, the only obstacle in my way. I have to get out of my own way and make this work. If I can't figure out how to stop being my own worst enemy, I will not be around much longer.
Starting today, the excuses leave, the blaming people, things, events, and medical issues for my what does and doesn't work are gone. Plain and simple: I fix it or I have let myself do me in. I my be old, I may be fat, I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am finally awoken to the fact that the only problem is me. I am going to fix that problem starting NOW!
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