The Same, But Different
Thursday, February 27, 2020
There is a stretch of our lane that runs along side a forest and faces west, abutting onto a field. It catches afternoon sunshine. It's about 1/10th of a mile long and over the years I have planted daffodils along the edge. I plant a mixture of them so I get a long period of bloom and it's fun to see which ones open up first every year - because - each year it's different. Some years the Ice Follies open up first. Some years the old King Alfred shows his face early. There are some old naturalized daffodils that I've gathered from abandoned houses - often they are the first to wake up.
They are always daffodils. They always open in the late winter. Each year it's the same. But each year it's different.
This is how I feel about my relationship with WW and weight creep and weight loss. Over the past 20 years, the years when I was just about at my heaviest and the years when I have been at my happy weight and all the years in between - the issues have been pretty much the same - in general but different in specifics. And the solution has been ... pretty much the same in general but different in specifics.
I come from a very heavy family. As a girl I thought my immediate family was the only chunky branch of our tree but I see now that most, though not all, of my cousins are also in the chunky category - if not down right fat. So being heavy is ... was .. my normal. Not my happy but my normal. I had a decade of heavy from about 93 to 03 and I hated it. Through effort and planning and actions, I changed the outside of me, but the inside is still wondering if that old heavy normal is waiting for her chance again.
Well - I am all that I am - even if what I am is just the story I'm telling myself. I am trying to rewrite my story about me starting with a new definition. But I'm glad I learned some skills these past 20 years. Even though I'm working within a much smaller weight range, I can go back to those tools and use them again. They're still the same skills - but the feel is different. This time it is pre-tracking. Another year it was Eating the Rainbow. Another year it was watching the fats.
Each time - they're the same tools - I just use different ones.