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Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Eating healthy and working out does so much for the brain. It allows us to think so much clearer, it's the best NSV that I constantly celebrate. I've been running again for weeks, started with 5KM a week, broken over 3 runs. (A start is a start I kept telling myself) Now I'm back up to running 20KM a week and this week I'll be closer to 30KM. My meals and snacks are back to clean eating and doing it without any hesitation. I planted a new herb garden. I choose foods that fuel my body so I can be stronger, that's a great feeling. At the start I really didn't think I'd get back to 10KM a week let alone 20.

Today I ran 8KM on the trails. I got there early enough to have it all to myself and I like to run with no music and just let my mind wander. I started to think about the real moment things went sideways and finally it I could admit it. November 30, 2014. Six years I've been struggling to get back to who I was. That was the day my daughter opened her front door to the police standing there to say they were sorry. She was three months pregnant with her twins when she widowed.

For the next few months I trained for a Spartan race. This gave me something to focus on, I got stronger but I stopped losing weight and eating started to slide. After the race there was that natural, now what?

Over the years I would occasionally get back on track for a couple of weeks but I had developed a lump in my neck pressing on my windpipe and it prevented me being able to fill my lungs while I ran. I still however continued to eat like I was going to be able to run. I was fortunate to have the surgery in February right before the world imploded.

I spent a great deal of time in denial. I was fine, I was fine, I was fine. I would take it off, just not now. Soon. Soon. Soonish?

So what changed? I've lost 12 pounds this month, I can't stand going more than a day without at least a short run or hike. I've running virtual races, my house is filled with fresh produce and healthy snacks.

This happened.

My daughter met a wonderful man. The twins fell in love with him immediately and they are his world. They moved in together in February. They are now expecting a baby girl in November, ironically enough. The twins call him daddy, they decided this on their own and it's adorable. My daughter smiles ALL.THE.TIME.

I never really let it sink in how much what happened to her affected me.

Jeff (my husband) are going on weekly dates again, we are back to being adventurous empty nesters who spoil their grandchildren and plan group sleepovers. We are looking for fun ways to be active while social distancing which means a lot of very early morning runs and hikes.

I'm happy.

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