So here I am back on SP. I know what you're thinking (I can read women's minds). You're thinking;
- "He can't really read minds can he?"
- "He's made like a million 'I'm back' blogs. What will be different this time!?"
- "Geeez, since he's back I should TOTALLY set him up with my eligible single female relative who's roughly his age!!!"
- "Wow, the dog getting barked at doesn't seem too scared!!!!!
But most likely what you're thinking, but are too afraid to admit is....
"Why now?" Fair question. Over the last 8 years, there have been two things made clear.
1) I go on for about a month or two and then disappear for 6-18 months (lather, rinse repeat)
2) When I'm on, I don't really seem to get this site.
Right now, I am cleaning up my life. The last 6 years have been rocky and I've felt like I've been swimming against a riptide with two cramped legs and a broken arm.
The last 2-3 years have involved making peace with a lot of things/people in my life that may or may not be helpful/toxic. Hands were ultimately metaphorically shaken whether they were followed by an embrace of re-engagement or well wishes for a future of paths likely never to cross again.
Best friends, relatives, affiliations, religion...you name it. I've made the best effort to make it work. This often with having to back up and ask basic questions of what and why. In 2010/2011, something/one in my life that was awkward and quirky was acceptable (even if I didn't understand why it/they was there). Some relationships/memberships/affi
liations/self-identifications made the cut as still being worth having. Others, not so much.
So what about SparkPeople? When I was most active in 2009-2011, I was making progress. I didn't really follow a lot of the structured advice (it was never really talked about by anyone). I tried, but never really got footing on that. When I was riding high and losing weight, I felt like I was making a difference. I felt encouraged. When not though...... I felt kind of lost.
Always have wondered if I'm missing a glaringly obvious point/precept.
When things aren't going well, are there questions I'm supposed to ask? What happens when I'm not losing weight? What is the support I am supposed to give or expect to receive? Just being honest here, it's been 10 years and I feel like the High School Senior who still hasn't found his first 10th grade classroom.
As with much else in my life, I'm looking for peace with SP and the community. Whether that's a re-engagement that leads to a fruitful and powerful support system that I can give to and/or receive from,,,,,
,,,,,or a final quiet departure with occasional check-ins on/with friends.
I really don't know. I really don't.
I'm trying something health related that I can blog about and try to engage others about. Is that what I'm supposed to do (or is there a path that I am supposed to follow here)? Is there something that I'm missing? Am I overthinking this?
What now? I don't know.
Advice is greatly appreciated. Will check both SparkMail and page/blog comments.
- TD Out!