Ups and Downs
Tuesday, July 28, 2020
We've been in lockdown for 133 days. We recently were given the freedom to go for recreational walks for our health again but my foot won't allow me to walk these wild hills near our home.
I've gained weight. Too much weight. It is frustrating.
I'm going to list the reasons for my gain. These are not excuses but they will help me to understand what I need to do in order to set myself up to recover if I stumble like this again.
One of the reasons for the gain is that the only "fun" thing that we've been able to do is learn how to cook new foods. Next time I need to have a plan for something creative and fun that doesn't involve ALL the Calories.
Another reason is stress and information overload. It's hard to care about yourself when the world around you is falling apart. Living and serving in a third world country in the midst of a global pandemic is hard. So hard. We see starvation. We see blatant corruption. We see hospitals collapsing and there's not much hope for care for the most basic of needs. Babies have died for lack of oxygen. The world "back home" has been a mess to watch. Friends and family at each other's throats over masks and not so scientific reviews. No one trusts anyone. So much division. My heart is so burdened.
The last reason on my mind today is that I have become so very busy. It seems odd but the truth is that my life is harder and busier now in lockdown than it was before. I am baking bread because it's harder to find. We had to schedule shopping trips to coordinate with the days that we were allowed to leave the house. I have a very active and talkative eight year old who isn't allowed to leave the house so she's been my constant chatty companion. That can wear on an introvert mama after 130ish days. I don't have "Me" time like I used to. We are normally at home but now my time is work time. I need to prepare meals. I need to clean the house. I need to back bags of food to give to those in need. (Our house has packed four and a half tons of food in this season.) I need to do all the things. I need to remember to put myself on the to do list.
We're learning, we're improvising, we're finding our way in this chaos.
We all need so much more grace for ourselves and our friends and family than we ever dreamed we would need.
I am back to tracking and trying to care about me. I am back to being more intentional despite the rolling and crashing waves of uncertainty.
The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn his eyes toward you and give you peace.