Back To Square 1
Thursday, September 03, 2020
Today on the scale I saw the number 261. I started this year at 242, I got as low as about 232 right before the Rona started getting out of control LOL. It is definitely a good thing I lost those 10 pounds before I started my downhill spiral, or else I would be 1 pound away from my all time high weight. My highest weight ever was to 272 but when I started my journey and lost 90 pounds I started at 262 pounds in March 2012.
I get torn on how to think about things... Sometimes I think you just have to let the past go and not look back, but then I also know I learned a lot of valuable lessons in that time. I feel like it is proof that when I put my mind to it and become disciplined I can lose 90 pounds because I’ve done it before. But then sometimes the feelings associated with looking back just get you down and remind you of how well you did only to completely ruin it over the course of a couple years. No one likes to feel like a failure but in this case I was a success before I was a failure. So I go back and forth on everything. Luckily I don’t think the solution needs to be all or nothing. I need to learn to look back and pull out all the important things I’ve learned so I can do this dang thing again. I need to do that without getting down on myself for regaining all of this weight. It is a delicate balance and going to take some work but I hope I can do it!