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Rough Week - heck rough 2020 at least so far

Monday, October 12, 2020

I gained 4 pounds back and have fallen off the healthy wagon again. The bleepity wagon need seat belts! When life gets rough I comfort myself with food. I am trying to develop good food habits and to find easy fav food substitutes that i can use for comfort that do not derail me.

I have given up on giving up comfort food. Yes i will eat it and i need it but if i can find something i love that fits in with my new life style that is a winner. Right now i am grabbing ocean halo maui onion nori chips as my salty crunchy go to. If you like sushi hand rolls this might be something to try. One bag of chips is 20 calories. Coco whip on fruit is my new dessert and boars head turkey pepperoni (whole bag) on tiny amount of lettuce is my new pizza sub.

I started eating out again with contactless delivery pizza and i love their chicken Francine on angel hair pasta. So i am up 4 pounds and i have found comfort food it is no comfort. It really depresses me now to eat vast quantities of unhealthy food. It isnt me kicking my self for eating “bad” food. It is me unhappy with myself for derailing my goals and dreams which i find is different. When i am eating healthy and doing well even if i am not losing weight (plateau), I feel vibrant and that i am pursuing my goal. Even slow i know eventually i will get there. Eating like bleep is just me messing with my life and i dont appreciate it.

This reminds me of me cheating and eating allergy foods. I stop, feel good, feel great, then think a little will not hurt, then massive pain-sick- swearing never again, stop, feel good, rinse and repeat. However the cheat cycle kept getting less and less as i got tired of the being sick part. That is what this feels like. I like the good feeling so much better than feeling sick that i just cant anymore. Also what may be driving this is that i discovered i am gluten sensitive and my fav comfort food have gluten so i gained 4 pounds and i do feel really trashed along with it.

So where is all this going.... well i am climbing back up on the wagon of health again feeling like bleep and swearing never again. I know this probably isnt the last time off the wagon but it is getting close as i am pretty fed up. I am tired of pain, mobility issues, feeling like bleep, not fitting into cute clothes, and being down. I need to make my own version of chicken francine and comfort myself in a good way minus the food hangover.

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