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Swimming that River in Egypt...

Saturday, December 05, 2020

Also known as DE-Nile emoticon

So in July I got a new scale...the number that popped up was a disappointing, but not surprising, 332. That was enough to motivate me to get moving, tracking again more than not, actively TRYING to get back into some healthier habits. The number moved in the right direction, I was making good progress. Posted a pic around Labor Day (US) of what I thought was me @ 325.

Wrong. After I had weighed in one morning a couple weeks ago, my daughter hopped on the scale because she likes to watch the number flash up on the screen. Instead of just letting her play, I watched it this time and when an entirely unrealistic number came up for her...I ran a second test. When my 10 lb dumbbell came up at 7 lbs I knew I needed to calibrate the device.

Now, I had had my suspicions that something might have been wrong. Clothes that had fit the last time I had seen 313 weren't fitting. The tape measure confirmed that little had changed. The scale at my doctor's office didn't seem to be even close in number. None of it computed though, because I was busy swimming.

I stopped swimming in denial, calibrated the scale and got back on it...and absolutely crumbled. 337 blinked back at me in bright red LED light. I had gotten through my rough patches in spring and summer by telling myself at least I hadn't gained every single pound back (former record high was 334). Unfortunately I'm also very good at math so I instantly knew that adding 19 to 337 = 356.

This has admittedly been not a great year for me, but some things started to make an eerie kind of sense. OF COURSE walking just 2 miles was harder than ever...OF COURSE my back was going to hurt more...OF COURSE I was having difficulty sleeping comfortably...because I was bigger than I had ever been.

I have always been upfront about my mental state when it's not good. And depression did claim me for a little while again, but you see I'm also incredibly stubborn. Past experience has taught me well so I knew I had to be ridiculously strict with myself. I stared back at the VERY basics:

Get up when the alarm rings.
Make the bed.
Get dressed.
Comb my hair.
...Every single day, even if I don't feel like it.

Adding in some more advanced moves:

Taking time for proper skin care in my morning and bedtime routines.
Filling my day with little things that HAD to be accomplished before I could rest.
Keeping my gym appointments even if I physically felt drained.
Making sure I drink water and not just a steady stream of coffee/tea.

For now, this blog is my last step. Posting not only as an apology/update to my friends here that have noticed an absence/erratic presence but as a reference for myself later on.

A reminder that I felt like this before and got through it.
A promise that the clouds DO have silver linings.
A chance to look for the rainbows that are impossible to see without the rain.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • -POOKIE-
    It sounds like you are resigned to the truth, because what else can you do?

    50 days ago
    Nessa it sounds like you are taking charge and have a plan. The river DE-Nile is a river we all paddle sometimes. Be gentle with yourself. It's been a tough year but you will get to your destination. "One choice at a time."
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    88 days ago
    Oh, Nessa, I'm so sorry to hear all this! Since I don't want you to be miserable, I won't provide company for you there, BUT...I also have gained back allll my weight this year. I'm about 1 pound away from my record high recorded weight. (I could possibly have weighed a bit more, but I weigh myself less often when I don't like the numbers. LOL) SO I will just provide some encouragement, support, and friendship and be in the same boat with you. ❤ But let's row it out of Egypt, okay? 😁 It sounds like you are doing everything you need to do to endure and break through this bout of depression. I need to start doing a better job with some of the things on your list! I am praying for you, Friend.
    92 days ago
    92 days ago
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