Another Five Year Stint
Friday, November 02, 2007
So, after over five years of being in a relationship, I've broken up with the love of my life. I'll be moving back to California (from London) for now and what the future holds, who knows.
Nothing has happened -- no cheating/betrayal, no major personal crisis on either of our ends, but that's the thing -- nothing has happened. Things have grown stagnant, and despite my efforts to change things, change takes a desire on both ends and it's just not a priority for him anymore.
Obviously, weight loss is still not my top priority, but as folks on this site have been so lovely and supportive, I felt I wanted to tell folks what's going on with me. Plus, I guess the more people I tell, the more real it is, and though it hurts like hell, it's what I need to do.
I think the thing that hurts the most is the sense of loss. I lost my mom to cancer when I was five and it makes me a bit sick to think that this is another loss after five years. I know it's just a coincidence, since I've realised it, I can't get it out of my head.
I'm doing okay considering. I'm keeping myself busy and sometimes distract myself to the point where I deny it's all happening. It's horrible when I "wake up" and remember that we're splitting up, but I must remember that I've not been truly happy for a very long time and if we're to be together in any sort of healthy way, a lot of change needs to take place and the only chance of that change happening is by taking some time apart.
Though I'd completely stopped eating for a few days (just felt sick), my appetite has returned to some degree and I can see old habits of comfort eating kicking in. I'm trying to remain aware of how I'm feeling and when I need comfort, am trying to turn to friends rather than cake. In some ways, it seems a bit harsh to try to work on this issue now, but in other ways, it's the perfect time.
So watch this space. It may be some time before I write regularly again, but in time I will. I know this community has really helped me and this move is all about rebuilding myself. If anyone has gone through something similar, please be in touch. I need to hear from as many people as I can that things will be okay.