SP Premium


Another Five Year Stint

Friday, November 02, 2007

So, after over five years of being in a relationship, I've broken up with the love of my life. I'll be moving back to California (from London) for now and what the future holds, who knows.

Nothing has happened -- no cheating/betrayal, no major personal crisis on either of our ends, but that's the thing -- nothing has happened. Things have grown stagnant, and despite my efforts to change things, change takes a desire on both ends and it's just not a priority for him anymore.

Obviously, weight loss is still not my top priority, but as folks on this site have been so lovely and supportive, I felt I wanted to tell folks what's going on with me. Plus, I guess the more people I tell, the more real it is, and though it hurts like hell, it's what I need to do.

I think the thing that hurts the most is the sense of loss. I lost my mom to cancer when I was five and it makes me a bit sick to think that this is another loss after five years. I know it's just a coincidence, since I've realised it, I can't get it out of my head.

I'm doing okay considering. I'm keeping myself busy and sometimes distract myself to the point where I deny it's all happening. It's horrible when I "wake up" and remember that we're splitting up, but I must remember that I've not been truly happy for a very long time and if we're to be together in any sort of healthy way, a lot of change needs to take place and the only chance of that change happening is by taking some time apart.

Though I'd completely stopped eating for a few days (just felt sick), my appetite has returned to some degree and I can see old habits of comfort eating kicking in. I'm trying to remain aware of how I'm feeling and when I need comfort, am trying to turn to friends rather than cake. In some ways, it seems a bit harsh to try to work on this issue now, but in other ways, it's the perfect time.

So watch this space. It may be some time before I write regularly again, but in time I will. I know this community has really helped me and this move is all about rebuilding myself. If anyone has gone through something similar, please be in touch. I need to hear from as many people as I can that things will be okay.

xx Chrissie
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, I'm so sorry about your breakup. That is so difficult, especially making a move because of it. You seem to be doing really well though, and I just know that many bright things are in your future. Maybe you could take this time to focus on yourself for awhile. When I'm going through a difficult time, it sometimes helps to focus my mind elsewhere on something really positive (like exercise!). I broke up with my guy a year ago (also 5 years), and my life has improved dramatically... I dropped 5 pounds almost instantaneously! HA! My thoughts are with you in this hard time. Good luck!
    4843 days ago
    Thinking of you in this time of change :)
    4852 days ago
    Hey Chrissie, just thought I'd check in on you and read your sad news. :( Yes it is a loss, but it is also a new beginning for you... you can go to California and have the opportunity to create for yourself any kind of life you want. Okay that sounds totally cheesy, I'm sorry, I suck at these things. I am very sorry to hear your bad news. Good for you for blogging about it...writing out my feelings always seems to help.
    4864 days ago
    Of course things will be okay! I know that we don't actually know each other very well, but from talking to you as much as I have, I realize what a strong and soulful person you are, and I know you wouldn't let yourself end up in a bad place. I have complete faith in you that, while the pain may be there for a while, your scars will heal. You're a good person, and it would go against everything I believe in the universe if things did not turn out right for you. You have to let me know when you get to Cali so I can drive out to visit you. And I'll always be here, on SP or Gmail, for whatever you need. I know it's rough, sweetie, but just remember that you've intervened into a sh!tty future because that's not the life you want for yourself. You've made the right decision. Much love and blessings. XOXOXOX - Liz
    4866 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.