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Another Five Year Stint

Friday, November 02, 2007

So, after over five years of being in a relationship, I've broken up with the love of my life. I'll be moving back to California (from London) for now and what the future holds, who knows.

Nothing has happened -- no cheating/betrayal, no major personal crisis on either of our ends, but that's the thing -- nothing has happened. Things have grown stagnant, and despite my efforts to change things, change takes a desire on both ends and it's just not a priority for him anymore.

Obviously, weight loss is still not my top priority, but as folks on this site have been so lovely and supportive, I felt I wanted to tell folks what's going on with me. Plus, I guess the more people I tell, the more real it is, and though it hurts like hell, it's what I need to do.

I think the thing that hurts the most is the sense of loss. I lost my mom to cancer when I was five and it makes me a bit sick to think that this is another loss after five years. I know it's just a coincidence, since I've realised it, I can't get it out of my head.

I'm doing okay considering. I'm keeping myself busy and sometimes distract myself to the point where I deny it's all happening. It's horrible when I "wake up" and remember that we're splitting up, but I must remember that I've not been truly happy for a very long time and if we're to be together in any sort of healthy way, a lot of change needs to take place and the only chance of that change happening is by taking some time apart.

Though I'd completely stopped eating for a few days (just felt sick), my appetite has returned to some degree and I can see old habits of comfort eating kicking in. I'm trying to remain aware of how I'm feeling and when I need comfort, am trying to turn to friends rather than cake. In some ways, it seems a bit harsh to try to work on this issue now, but in other ways, it's the perfect time.

So watch this space. It may be some time before I write regularly again, but in time I will. I know this community has really helped me and this move is all about rebuilding myself. If anyone has gone through something similar, please be in touch. I need to hear from as many people as I can that things will be okay.

xx Chrissie
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CAKE~OR~DEATH
    Wow, I'm so sorry about your breakup. That is so difficult, especially making a move because of it. You seem to be doing really well though, and I just know that many bright things are in your future. Maybe you could take this time to focus on yourself for awhile. When I'm going through a difficult time, it sometimes helps to focus my mind elsewhere on something really positive (like exercise!). I broke up with my guy a year ago (also 5 years), and my life has improved dramatically... I dropped 5 pounds almost instantaneously! HA! My thoughts are with you in this hard time. Good luck!
    4843 days ago
  • MAMA23BEANS
    Thinking of you in this time of change :)
    4852 days ago
  • SEPPIESUSAN
    Hey Chrissie, just thought I'd check in on you and read your sad news. :( Yes it is a loss, but it is also a new beginning for you... you can go to California and have the opportunity to create for yourself any kind of life you want. Okay that sounds totally cheesy, I'm sorry, I suck at these things. I am very sorry to hear your bad news. Good for you for blogging about it...writing out my feelings always seems to help.
    4864 days ago
  • BRANOWEN
    Of course things will be okay! I know that we don't actually know each other very well, but from talking to you as much as I have, I realize what a strong and soulful person you are, and I know you wouldn't let yourself end up in a bad place. I have complete faith in you that, while the pain may be there for a while, your scars will heal. You're a good person, and it would go against everything I believe in the universe if things did not turn out right for you. You have to let me know when you get to Cali so I can drive out to visit you. And I'll always be here, on SP or Gmail, for whatever you need. I know it's rough, sweetie, but just remember that you've intervened into a sh!tty future because that's not the life you want for yourself. You've made the right decision. Much love and blessings. XOXOXOX - Liz
    4866 days ago
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