Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Well, November is here, and I will be turning yet another year older. As if that wasn't bad enough in itself, it's the day before Thanksgiving, so I'll have all the opportunity in the world to eat my depression away!
I've had a horrible week this past week. Not that I was over-doing it by leaps and bounds, but I didn't really have a lot of computer time this week, and I just feel like when I don't track my nutrition everyday, I somehow overeat. I don't know if it's all in my imagination, or if it's just because it's hard to keep track of everything mentally, and so if I don't track it on SP, I automatically feel like I blew it. And sometimes, if I know I'm not going to have time on the computer, I have a few extra bites here and a few extra bites there, because I think they'll just disappear if I don't have to write them down. NOT GOOD!!
I'm having a mid-life crisis right now, too. My birthday is the day before Thanksgiving, and besides turning another year older, which I HATE, I have to face Thanksgiving right after that! I called a cousin of mine last night, and her husband told me she was in Canada on a business trip. It's funny because when we were growing up, she always looked up to me and wanted to do everything I did. Well now here she is, this mighty career woman with an exciting life and more money than she knows what to do with.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband and kids and would NOT trade them for anything, but it's just this mid-life crisis thing. Sometimes I just feel like this fat, soccer-mom-wannabe who sits back and wonders what the heck she's going to do with her life before it slips away! I never thought I'd be one to be bothered by aging, but I AM!!! IN A BIG WAY!! I want to write my novel, I want to establish an exciting career, I want to go to Disney World before my kids are too old to care. There's just so much I want to do, and I feel like I'm having less and less time to do it. I'll be 34 this month, then 35 next year. Once I hit 35, I'm, like, on the other side of the hill and approaching 40!!!!!
With my birthday and Thanksgiving back-to-back, I'm scared!! I've already had a rotten week, and November just started!!! How can I get myself out of this funk? A friend of mine once told me that you can have "seasonal depression" and I think this is mine. What can I do to change my train of thought from "Oh God! Another year has slipped away!" to "I'm so thankful I've lived another year!"