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A Goal I Dream About
Sunday, September 13, 2020      6 comments

I have a dream. I want to kayak all around the world. Right now, I can't. I don't fit well in them with being nearly 300 lbs. My brother and his family have started kayaking as a family, and I would love to join them someday. I'm also job... Read more
2020 Fall 5% Challenge - Wanting More in Life
Sunday, September 13, 2020      2 comments

I weigh 271 lbs today. It isn't my highest, but it isn't an achievement. I hit 286 lbs before I contracted COVID back in March. I also did intermittent fasting out of necessity during the past few months, because I'm unemployed and getting unemp... Read more
Climb That Mountain
Tuesday, September 08, 2020      5 comments

Being bipolar 1 and struggling with generalized anxiety disorder is a steep mountain to climb daily. However, I don't allow myself to be defined by my illness or the struggles that it puts in my path. I have learned that pigeonholing peopl... Read more
I'm BACK! And what a year so far!
Saturday, September 05, 2020      7 comments

I'm back! But not with a vengeance. More of a determination and resolve. The past few years have been hard on me, and filled with loss. First, I lost my home exactly one year ago, so I am now in an apartment. Luckily, I was able to sell it for a... Read more
Getting Into My Head
Tuesday, August 27, 2019      8 comments

Today I talked to my therapist about my decision to have the Lap Band surgery. We went over the good, the bad, and the ugly. We also talked about how it will affect my mental health. He didn't feel like my mental health is really the issue at ha... Read more
The Surgeon Asked For My Why
Thursday, August 22, 2019      5 comments

Whenever you make a drastic decision to make a big change, there has to be a "why", whether it be a move or job change. The same comes with bariatric surgery. One of the first things the surgeon asked me yesterday is "what is your why", "w... Read more
Lap-Band: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Thursday, August 22, 2019      2 comments

No, I'm not talking about the Clint Eastwood/Charles Bronson spaghetti western. I'm talking about my upcoming Lap-Band surgery and my continued research into it. I must give this caveat: I'm not going into it blindly. My best friend from hi... Read more
Step 2 Complete
Wednesday, August 21, 2019      9 comments

Well, step 2 is complete. I saw the bariatric surgeon this afternoon to discuss my options for weight-loss surgery. Well, let me just say that my surgery will be happening at the end of October. Between now and then, I need to start making chang... Read more
Step 1 Complete
Monday, August 19, 2019      5 comments

Today I took the first step toward weight loss surgery by attending the seminar and completing my initial paperwork. And yes, it has already been turned in. I'm scared and excited all at the same time. I don't know what to think at the moment, b... Read more
Drowning in Anxiety
Sunday, August 18, 2019      11 comments

I'm struggling today. I mean REALLY struggling. The kind of struggling where you feel frozen and unable to breath or move. Where the whole world seems like it is spinning out of control and you have no way to stop it. It's the type of struggling... Read more
Why Did I Stop?
Thursday, August 15, 2019      8 comments

When I joined SP 11 years ago, I tried to get on the elliptical machine and I could not get past 5 minutes without feeling like I was going to collapse. 4 years ago, I joined a fitness group where the instructor pushed me each day to push throug... Read more
11 Years: Has It Really Been That Long?
Wednesday, August 14, 2019      5 comments

emoticon It isn't quite my sparkversary just yet, but I thought I'd take a quick peak to see how long I've been on ... Read more
Starting Off Slow
Tuesday, August 13, 2019      6 comments

Don't let the title fool you. Yes, I'm starting off slow, but I'm starting off right. I'm taking things slow, but one step at a time. I'm making this a change at a time, in order to work on my habits and not making wholesale changes all at once.... Read more
Depression, Suicide, and Seeking Help
Saturday, August 10, 2019      10 comments

It has been 108 days since I last logged in. It was toward the beginning of May, around May 8th to be exact, since I last made my presence known on here. Shortly after that, I sank into a deep depression. One that actually caught me off guard. ... Read more
Is it possible to get a replacement?
Thursday, May 02, 2019      9 comments

I hate my back. I really do. And my weight isn't helping. For the last two weeks, I've not been sleeping, and it is all due to my lower back and legs. The pain is horrendous, and I'm at a loss for what to do? I know I need to increase my fitness... Read more

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