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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/31/19 11:53 A

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Comparison is the thief of joy.

My friend who is about to begin a new chapter in her life.

I could be super jealous of her. With wailing and gnashing of teeth. Or I could be happy for her.

I choose to be happy. Jealousy won't bring my future any closer. I think it would keep it at bay.

I know of no trust fund babies. Everyone I know literally worked their butt cheeks off to get where they are and what they have.
It didn't just fall into their lap.




SP_COACH_DENISE's Photo SP_COACH_DENISE Posts: 43,593
1/30/19 3:13 P

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As others have stated their concern for you, I have to also agree that speaking with a counselor/therapist/or other qualified health professional would be a good idea. You have made numerous posts with similar regrets or body image issues. Have you talked with a counselor or someone similar yet? If not, please do consider doing so. You are going down a very unhealthy path and I really want to encourage you to make some steps towards a healthier life. There are also some online resources that you may benefit from if you aren't comfortable doing sessions in person. Please do consider speaking to a health professional either in person or find one online, even if it is in a group type session.

Coach Denise

"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." - Michael Jordan

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LADYSTARWIND's Photo LADYSTARWIND Posts: 5,690
1/30/19 1:43 P

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"But it's partly my my sister's fault. She didn't help me. She didn't even email me outfit ideas. Selfish!"

OMG--please go see a counselor. Your perspective is way out of the norm for an adult. You are responsible for your Life Choices now that you are an adult. Stop looking to compare yourself to others, blame others, etc....

You only get to "blame" your sister if she had really --intentionally --misled you. Something like telling you to wearing holey blue jeans because it was a "come as you are barn wedding"...while knowing full well that it was semi-formal church affair.

Its a wedding--dress nicely, but not extravagantly--and let it go!! Come as Who you are, At whatever weight you currently are, and Be Yourself. If they didn't want you there, you wouldn't have been invited. I agree 100% with Mandieterrier---the wedding is for about the Bride and Groom!
patti

Edited by: LADYSTARWIND at: 1/30/2019 (13:47)
Patti
"The only thing we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/30/19 1:38 P

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I remind you that a wedding is all about the Bride and Groom.

The attention of the day goes to the Bride and Groom.

Guests will only be paying attention to the Bride and Groom.

I don't see many wedding albums with pictures of guests. Unless they are in the wedding party or immediate family. I saw one photograph. People were standing in a circle. Watching the Bride and Groom in their first dance. All the guests were blurred out. So that all one could see. Was the.......Bride and Groom

So again, everyone will be paying attention to the Bride and Groom. They won't be paying attention to the guests

My friend is on the very cusp of engagement. If I get to attend her wedding. I will tone down my style considerably. My style is usually very extra. I 'don't' want any attention to be taken from the bride. So I will wear something very plain. Probably in medium blue. With very plain heals. Then after the wedding. I can accesorize and make it extra.

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 1/30/2019 (15:19)

MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/30/19 1:31 P

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I think that women who can quit their job to plan their wedding. I bet their parents are paying for their wedding. Must be nice



MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/30/19 1:25 P

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I wouldn't mind having a bit of the good life. I won't lie.

Until then, I will be grateful for what I have. What is that? A roof over my head. A comfy alternative down blanket. $20 dresses from Amazon and Burlington. I've never missed a meal. Never been hungry. I always have more than enough.

So maybe I already have "The Good Life"
No I do. I do have "The Good Life"

I simply don't care to emulate the fake life of fashion bloggers. I am happy being a beautiful mess.

The more you try to to prove to me that your life is perfect. The more I won't believe you and think you're hiding something.

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 1/30/2019 (15:20)

LACOYTA Posts: 679
1/30/19 10:12 A

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My sitting gut was at least twice as big as those women's.
My cousins' engagements brought back bad memories of me trying to be my best and failing.
Bloggers have great bodies, beautiful homes, cute outfits and their lives sound wonderful from their positive posts. I realize it's edited ("get the laundry basket out of the shot, the maid is coming later") but who wouldn't want those things in their lives? If you know how to get more like that, please share.

ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (222,710)
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1/30/19 9:28 A



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LACOTYA,

Do you think Anna Victoria is fat ? She's one of your instagram sensations. She must be fat. She has a belly roll when she sits !



Lady Gaga must be fat too. Look at her belly roll.



How about Iskra Lawrence ? Fat ?




PS - Shoes : size 10 flippers here !

Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 1/30/2019 (09:34)
MLAN613 Posts: 23,095
1/30/19 6:34 A

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You realize, right, that everyone, no matter how thin, has a belly roll when they sit? Please, please, please look into counseling. The fact that you are still obsessing about YOUR SISTER'S (not yours) wedding 3 years ago is a red flag to me.

Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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LACOYTA Posts: 679
1/30/19 1:33 A

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"Some women quit work because weddings take up so much time and energy "

Sounds like the wedding has gotten out of hand in that case. If you quit your job, how will you pay for the wedding?

"Even though I recommended a shift dress. Cardigan or shawl in case it gets chilly. Plain shoes of your desired height. Items that are available in all price points. I can't do that "

I bought a dress online but after I could return it I sat in it and all of my stomach fat lay in my lap and it was nasty! No foundation garment would've fixed it! Eventually the dress was too big (yay!) I always have a hard time finding shoes, no matter the occasion because of my feet being wide and my refusal to wear uncomfortable shoes. I wandered around a big mall out of town looking for shoes (even going into Torrid and Lane Bryant) I still couldn't find anything so I had to try to make do with what I had. It was so cold at the wedding I was glad I wore pants.



MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/29/19 4:02 P

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Honestly no one woke up like that. It just doesn't happen. You have to let that notion go.

You say, my sister wouldn't help me with my outfit. She wouldn't even email me ideas. Well in her defense she was busy planning her wedding. Some women quit work because weddings take up so much time and energy

She wouldn't even email me ideas. I remember you asked us and all we got back was, I can't do that. I can't do that. Oh that? Can't do it.

Even though I recommended a shift dress. Cardigan or shawl in case it gets chilly. Plain shoes of your desired height. Items that are available in all price points. I can't do that


Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 1/29/2019 (16:02)

SMITTY934's Photo SMITTY934 Posts: 517
1/29/19 3:07 P

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Erin

-Smitty-


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CLMART3's Photo CLMART3 SparkPoints: (52,407)
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1/29/19 2:05 P

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Not avoiding diabetes



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ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (222,710)
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1/29/19 10:58 A



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"I'd be happy if I could at least look skinny in every photo"

Then what you need is a photo shop tutorial. Because that's exactly what those instagram models do to look so perfect. If they want to post of picture of themselves with flawless skin or maybe whittle down their waist, no need for a waist trainer. Just edit the photos. Here's are examples of how images are manipulated.

It really is all about the smoke and mirrors.



or




And I LOVED this one. It made me LOLLLLLL





Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 1/29/2019 (11:02)
LACOYTA Posts: 679
1/29/19 10:29 A

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"And no, I don't expect to look good in EVERY. SINGLE. PHOTO."

I'd be happy if I could at least look skinny in every photo emoticon


"People with the really nice Instagram accounts.Hire photographers and take hundreds if not thousands of pictures. We see maybe five of them."

I know that even more than one picture of Doug the Pug has to be taken before something useable is available

"No one woke up like that."

If only I could. I put more work into skincare than makeup because you don't wake up with your makeup on.

"Thinking that you ruined your sister's wedding photos because you didn't look stunning is really sad"

Let's face it, the photos would've been nicer if I'd looked better.. But it's partly my my sister's fault. She didn't help me. She didn't even email me outfit ideas. Selfish!



LWLAR7 Posts: 15,387
1/29/19 4:02 A

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SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 18,117
1/28/19 7:03 P

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I truly believe that when people look at wedding pictures they remember the people they cherish, who helped them celebrate the day....


Sheryl, New Jersey EST, 5% Challenge-TEDDY BEARS


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MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/28/19 6:48 P

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The funny thing.

People hire a wedding photographer and spend thousands of dollars. Then never look at their pictures. I have never met anyone who spent time looking at pictures.

On the subject of fashion bloggers. They get their clothes free and they are tailored to fit just right. Along with hair, makeup and lighting. The clothing makers want their products shown in the best possible light.

It's another thing about the internet that is smoke and mirrors.



ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (222,710)
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1/28/19 2:50 P



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How you do you know you ruined your sister's wedding photos ? Did she insist that you be photo shopped out ? It seems to me that if she believes the photos were ruined, it should be easy enough for the photographer to edit you from the picture. Has she done that ?

seriously for a moment.

Is your relationship with your sister so bad that she'd even think that you ruined her wedding photos just because you didn't look like an instagram model ?

I have to agree with others who've replied. You have serious self esteem issues that should be discussed with a therapist.

Thinking that you ruined your sister's wedding photos because you didn't look stunning is really sad.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 1/28/2019 (14:52)
MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/28/19 12:08 P

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Mlan613 one of my favorite pictures is after I finished a 5k. Hair slicked back in a pony tail and no makeup. It had started to drizzle.





MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/28/19 12:04 P

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People with the really nice Instagram accounts.

Hire photographers and take hundreds if not thousands of pictures. We see maybe five of them.

They also have professional hair and makeup people. Being a social media influence is their job.

That is why they look good in every picture. It is their job to promote some unrealistic fantasy.

No one woke up like that.





MLAN613 Posts: 23,095
1/28/19 6:32 A

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Ditto to what Ethel said. I encourage you to seek out some help. I think it would work wonders.

And no, I don't expect to look good in EVERY. SINGLE. PHOTO. If anything, some of my best photos are taken during or after races. I am working hard and smell awful but I think I look great because it's one of the times I am truly loaded with joy.

Edited by: MLAN613 at: 1/28/2019 (06:44)
Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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ETHELMERZ's Photo ETHELMERZ Posts: 28,178
1/28/19 2:00 A

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Real regrets would be that after all this time on here, you have not found any counseling service to help you, with low self esteem issues......I’m sorry you are still unable to get help...

MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,953
1/28/19 12:07 A

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I would like to look good in pictures, but I'm not photogenic. So that isn't happening. Plus I am thick. So I always will look thick. I have come to accept and love myself. I am what I am.

I don't think you could have wrecked your sister's pictures. If you showed up to the wedding wearing white. That would have wrecked her pictures.

Otherwise everyone is paying attention to the bride and not the bridal party. I have seen hundreds of wedding photographs. My attention always goes to the bride and groom. I attended a 'live streamed Facebook wedding' paid attention to the bride and groom.

Regrets burn no calories





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1/27/19 10:48 P

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I know exactly how you feel! At my first two sons weddings I was the fat mom. What I wore to both their weddings were close that I had gotten last minute at Walmart because I couldn't afford anything else. I don't even want to see my sons wedding pictures for fear of seeing what I looked like. The weddings were five and six years ago. And unfortunately I think I weigh more now. I MUST loose weight and get healthy so that by the time my eighteen year old gets married I wont be the "fat" mom anymore.

LACOYTA Posts: 679
1/27/19 10:14 P

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I still regret not looking fabulous at my sister's wedding almost three years ago. I ruined her wedding pictures! I was fat (compared to how I wanted to look) and wore the wrong thing. I'd wanted to look like a beautiful fashion blogger in part so that she could look back on her wedding happily ("My wedding was awesome and my family looked great")

Well, now I just found out three of my cousins are engaged. I don't know what weddings I'll be attending. I don't think my sister will attend any because she thinks she's superior to them.

I'm thinner than I was at my sister's wedding, fitting into pants that I couldn't fit before. I know I might end up on social media and I want to make up for wrecking my sister's photos by looking fantastic! I'm trying to come up with outfit ideas so I don't have to buy anything.

Before you say anything: don't you always want to look great in photos?



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