I just had a look at your photos on your SparkPage. Looking at the one taken about July, I don't see that you have anything at all to worry about. You certainly don't look overweight, especially not 20lb overweight.
I wonder if you have a form of Body Dysmorphia which is where we tend to see ourselves in a way that isn't actual real. Some people with beautiful noses get nose jobs because they feel insecure about their 'horrible' nose - the same with tummy tucks and other procedures.
The fact that you refuse to dress as you did will add to your discomfort about your looks. It is amazing how a properly dressed person, in correctly fitting clothes, can look absolutely F-A-N-Y-T-A-S-T-C-I-C but in other clothes look like a big-time slob.
I suggest that you talk with your Dr and be guided by him/her where it comes to your weight. You might also befit from a referral to a Therapist who deals with those insecurities that you have.
20 lbs by March is a hugely aggressive goal if 20 lbs is all you have to lose. At a healthy weight, and 20 lbs to lose is well within that, you may also need to gain weight if you are going to maintain a certain physique, shape or level of fitness. It really depends on you and how you do it, but the scale may not be the best measurement of what you want. The other thing about 20 lbs is that it's not uncomfortable. There is a point where excess weight becomes a problem, but 20 lbs is a slightly larger number on the tags of some of your clothes and more of an in your head problem than something truly threatening to your health or way of life. Those 20 lbs are not a light a fire under you sort of motivation. They are kind of like the interest on a savings account at a regular bank. Sure it's nice to earn .01% interest, but that rate is not so great that you want to sock your retirement savings away there.
There are certain transition periods in your life and it takes time to build around the big changes. When I switched from my last job (sales,high amount of travel, somewhat flexible hours with a partial work from home component) to my current job (earlier hours, one place all day) it took me about a year to really work out a functional schedule. I used to be able to do laundry while catching up on my paperwork one afternoon and swing by whatever store I needed to in the course of my travels. I couldn't do laundry at home from my new job and my grocery shopping is the same distance from my house as work, but in the opposite direction. You have to build up a whole new schedule and it's hard to do that, especially the more you try to cram in as must dos. Try sitting down and really blocking out your schedule. Start with work, your commute and sleep. Then make a list of all of the other things that you need and want to do. Plug in the needs next, things like grocery shopping and laundry, and do not forget things like commute times, traffic and pad the time it actually takes you to do something. Having a spare ten minutes free is much better than overbooking yourself and feeling even more overwhelmed. Then put your wants in order of most to least and start booking in from the top down. Keep in mind that you may want to start with an after dinner walk around the block once a week and one gym session. You can always build up and adjust and you always will be building up and adjusting. Cooking one batch of something on Sunday afternoon and making dinner once a week are reasonable places to start. You need to plan to have some down time in there too.
I'd also say that just starting isn't a SMART goal. I would like to go to the gym four times by January 31st is a SMART goal. I would like to make one set of freezer meals by December 31st. I would like to get properly dressed up one time next week is a SMART goal. I would like to find 2 grab and go options at a grocery store/restaurant that is nearby and I would like to have 2 under ten minute meal/snack options by January 15th is another SMART goal. I would like to make 2 dates to work out with a friend or group by January 31st to happen sometime before March 1st is a SMART goal. Try bullet journaling, get a piece of paper or a calendar and color in or make a mark to keep track of your progress. Don't focus on everything, focus on one or two small things and go from there as those become normal and no longer require as much effort to accomplish.
You have to make it a priority. We all make time in our lives for the things that matter most to us.
Can you start by weighing/measuring and logging all you eat every day for a week?
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." ~ Randy Pausch
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." ~ Art Turock
"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good." ~ 7 Years in T
I was doing SO GREAT in May, June and July. I had a personal trainer, was eating right, felt AWESOME and was losing the weight while become strong as HECK.
I left my position as Operations Manager at the gym for a position with another company, and in doing so lost my ability to train frequently.
I have purchased a gym membership, I have tons of food prep supplies, great groceries, everything I could possibly need. I look myself in the mirror every morning and every night saying "Good lord, you need to start- JUST START."
And then, I don't.
I am depressed about the way I look. I look slobby and I accentuate that by refusing to dress myself up because I feel so poorly about how I look. I'm upset that all of the strength and toning I worked 3x a week for is just gone. I'm upset that I let life get in the way and I just kept telling myself "oh, next week, next week." Then I soothe the wounds with more garbage food.
I reset my sparkgoals and if I stick to it, I could lose all the weight I want and feel so much better by March.
SO - What do you do to get motivated? I've been throwing myself a pity-party over here and that is not working... lol. Help!