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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/22/18 7:34 P

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I took the risk of texting D before I left work, and he texted back and we met for a few minutes at the bus station. He was driving a different one to the one I get, but no-one else was on his bus, so we had a chat. He's coming over tomorrow before he starts work (on a late shift). I asked if he'd like to share a pizza with me, but he said no, he was dieting. I am not going to interfere but I've got my eye on it (his eating/not eating). He seems slim and fit to me - perhaps he is worried he isn't slim enough?

Anyway, I am glad I followed my intuition and texted him.

My news has leaked out at work. The men I work with (it's mostly men) have been really sweet and are really quite excited and happy for me. One of them has an older girlfriend, and when I said "he's quite a bit younger" he said "that doesn't matter!". Another one said he knew who it was (from the buses) and said " he's a good looking bloke."

I didn't intend for it to be leaked, but I'd had a conversation with one of them about the challenges of having a relationship with little money - ie can't afford to go out much. And I shared that I had started going out with a chap who was a bus driver and we've gone for walks and had coffees! I didn't think he'd grasp that info and spread it around. He even said he went home and told his partner, and they both thought it was nice. Just goes to show, work colleagues do notice and wonder why I hadn't got a boyfriend!

Next thing will be that someone says to D that they know me.........the cat is right out of the bag!

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/22/2018 (19:35)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/22/18 4:39 P

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I'm glad you had the time to run and still have a relaxing morning. Good job with the sleeping bit!
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Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/22/18 5:56 A

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I went to bed early last night - and didn't do yoga. I did do some hula-hooping. I slept from about 9pm to 7am, so I was tired. I was aware of coughing in the night, but not aware enough to wake up!

I got up and had 15 mins coffee on the doorstep before going out for my run. Came back and did Darebee stretches. Made porridge and Sparked.

I just made a second coffee - which feels very decadent (it's 10am).

Nothing much to say today - I have a little list of things that must be done before I leave for work at 2.15pm - home at 11pm tonight.

Day off tomorrow.

I got a 15hr eating break.

A colleague lent me his library book: a new one from John Green 'Turtles all the way down' (young adult book).



Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/22/2018 (05:57)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/21/18 2:13 P

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Yes, I suppose everything about a person contributes to the relationship.

One step at a time, eh!?

I saw Darin driving a bus on my way home - he was going in the opposite direction. It was nice to 'spot' him at work. From what I know of him so far - I like him.

I came straight home and did Day 17 of 30 DoC. It doesn't feel like enough - so I think I'll be doing another yoga workout, and maybe some hula-hooping later.

I ate straight after Darebee - it's only 6pm. I was vaguely looking for something crunchy to eat after my soup, bread, fruit - but don't have anything. So nothing is what I'm having!


Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/21/2018 (16:03)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/21/18 11:09 A

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I felt age is a more then 'just' a number, because someones age is an important part of who they are, experiences ... that sort of thing. Age difference does come up in a relationship the same way say, being more an introvert then your partner. It becomes part of your relationship story. It can cause external angst, like your concerns that Darin would lose interest if he knew your age.

Our brains are designed to fill in any gaps in a story to make it logical to us. As you said, it's hardwired. We can't stop ourselves. What we must do is stay open to changing the narrative that is running in our head as new information is given. Mindful relationship.

I'm not surprised you created a 'contact calendar'. ;) I'm glad it helped. From my memory and view, your feeling that Darin didn't contact you enough was more the time delay in getting a response then the frequency of messages. He left you waiting at times you expected a faster reply. Times when it left you hanging. I would caution that you can't build closeness through text message. For one thing it leaves too much time for the brain to fill in the gap before Darin is even on break. You took care of this to an extent when you switched to the phone call. At the time, you needed more information then the mediated text conversation could give you. How does he respond when put on the spot. What is his tone of voice. That sort of thing. (yes, texting is cumbersome especially on keypad phones).

I'm glad your feelings have turned positive.

Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/21/18 2:12 A

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Yes. I was 10 yrs older than my last 'long-term' relationship partner. And I was 10 yrs younger than my first partner! Age is, indeed, just a number!

Last night I clicked onto the Detox/Flush yoga, then saw the word 'CALM' on another one - so I plumped for that one.

I also did another letter-writing activity to explore my emotions. They were all positive this time - which was actually harder to talk about/express!

Anyway, I slept well, and was up with the alarm at 5am. Coffee over Spark (not in the dark on the doorstep). And I have to be off to work on the 7am bus, home about 5pm today.

I am going to buy a packet of plain potato chips on my way to work - to have with my lunch today. I think this is about the feelings of being at work. It's OK to have them with my lunch - it's planned - it doesn't happen very often.

Not trying to analyse or second-guess someone is good advice, although hard to do as we are hard-wired to try to work out what the other person is likely to do next!

You might not be surprised by this - but I actually made a kind of calendar using a table on the computer, to track the amount of contact we've had. Because the feeling that there were long gaps was not actually the reality. Apart from the gap when he didn't contact me for a week - we've not gone more than 48hrs without contact. And on the table, that shows up as just one day blank. Which is nothing dramatic. I needed the visual to get it into perspective. A bit like keeping a weight chart!

I'm such a geek!
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Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/20/18 2:43 P

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Then my advice is not to act on what You think Darin thinks, but what he says or does. My wife was 10 years older then me, a year and a half older then you. She was also 3 inches shorter then you.

Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/20/18 2:13 P

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I'm inspired by Brigitte Macron!

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/20/18 2:06 P

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It's nice you got out for a walk together. It's good that you are starting to get to know more about each other. How do you feel about the age difference?

Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/20/18 12:32 P

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I've just posted a blog about going out with Darin this afternoon.

The bits I left out were that he didn't invite me out anywhere - but was keen to come and join me for my walk. I also took the initiative and actually phoned him about coming over for the walk - texting was getting too cumbersome! When he got to St Ives he couldn't find anywhere to park, so he phoned me and suggested going to walk out on the coast path (nowhere specific). I didn't like my plan being changed. I met him and suggested we drove up the road a bit to find somewhere to park, which we did, then went on the walk I had planned to do - up to Knill's Monument.

I was going to raise the question of our ages today. In the launderette this morning someone I know, when discussion my running habit with another mutual friend, said that when people got to 49, they were calling themselves 'niners' - apparently it refers to people approaching 50yrs old who suddenly start exercising vigorously! I looked a him and wondered why he was telling me this, then said "I'm 63" - he said "well, you're doing very well!" This made me wonder whether Darin thought I was about 50........ Anyway, when we were out on our walk, I felt more assertive about asking him questions about himself, and in return he said "how old are you?" There was only one way to answer that "63". He then said I looked good for my age - and I hit him in the stomach (in a friendly way!). But actually - I found out that he is (almost) 45yrs old, but that he thinks 'age is just a number' and he hadn't known how old I was, he just thought I was a "nice mature woman". So - now we know. There is an 18.5 yr age difference. So his mother might be older than me............. oh, and she lives in Jamaica - which is where he came from. He also lives with male friends who are construction workers/fitters.

When we were walking he talked about what we would call mindful walking - how he likes to think of how his feet are moving, touching the ground, to really focus on the action of walking.

We have quite a lot in common. What we are both not good at is small talk, and we don't know enough about each other yet to really chat. I don't feel the need.

He is working late shifts all week - finishing at 1am. I am working all week. The chances for us to get together are few and far between. That he is willing to spend some of his day off with me is a good sign I think. Well, I'm going to choose to think that.

It felt like the right thing not to invite him back for coffee. I felt quite liberated by that decision. He might learn that he has to take me OUT to coffee sometimes!


Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/20/18 10:19 A

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That is a mighty big mission. You are gloriously rising to the occasion. You did well with that inverted invitation. You (as in we) need to keep our needs close and then provide to the needs of our potential partners. It's a tricky maneuver. Especially for highly sensitive people. Going back to a comment you made the other day ... holding on to these tenuous emotional attachments take a great deal of energy.

I was more then happy to wait for you in 30 DoC. I like our little team.

You took good care of yourself this morning. Hope you have a great day.

Brian
Pacific Time

"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/20/18 4:57 A

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Thanks for reading my blogs, Brian. Part of Darin's 'mission' in my life may be for this purpose - to improve my own perception of myself!

I didn't start off sleeping too well last night (due to texts from Darin) - then had a lump of grot in my throat which wouldn't shift. So I went and gargled with salt water, and made another drink of lemon juice and honey. After that I did more or less settle down.

I started my day with sun salutations and coffee on the doorstep as it was lovely and sunny! (the sky has already turned white again - it's still COLD!)

I've done my Day 16 - thanks for waiting for me.

I have a little list of things to get done today, and evening class tonight. Nothing very exciting, but will be good to get done.

- launderette (sheets & towels) - done - out on the line drying (I hope)
- cleaning
- manicure - done
- ironing
- library - check reservations

Gill, the soap opera!
I had a text from Darin at 8.30pm asking how I was, and saying he was working until midnight. I replied that that was so late to be working, and that I'd had a couple of days off to get over my cough/cold, but was OK. He texts back that he's glad I'm feeling better. I reply 'thanks'. Then at 10.30pm (because I went to make lemon & honey) I checked my phone (doh!) and he'd sent another text at 10pm: 'would u make me cup of coffee 2moro? x' I thought about not replying, as it was late........ but I did. I kind of threw down the gauntlet a bit and told him Cafe 'My House' was closed, but if he he'd like to, he could take me out for a coffee in town. I haven't had a reply to that, yet.

I know I said that I needed an invitation - well, this was an inverted invitation - inviting himself to my house - and not 'good enough' for me! I've set him a challenge now - will he rise to it?
cue 'action man' music emoticon

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/20/2018 (07:57)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/19/18 4:56 P

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You slept well. That's important. These days of rest will help you in the long run ... or else the boredom will get you moving to spite how you feel. ;) I love the idea of sitting around in bed until 11:00. That is so weird for either of us to do. If you managed it then you needed the time.

We are set for 30DoC d16 on Tuesday. I will find a different workout for today. Maybe I'll run .... I have to make a new schedule up. You have come a long way with Darebee. We both have. You may be right about the Jessica Smith workout being harder then running 20 mins. Like I found the hike to be. So, the walking dvd is a good cross-training activity. Good to keep in mind.

I have enjoyed your recent empowerment blogs. Even the one with the apology. I rather like the woman described in the article. May you see yourself and then live yourself in that image.

I'm sure you will fill your day off on Tuesday with healing and activity. Take care.

Edited by: BDTHOM at: 3/20/2018 (00:31)
Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/19/18 12:02 P

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Ooh, I just have one book left to read - Silver on the Tree (I must check whether my reservation has made any progress!)

I slept better last night, but started coughing as soon as I woke up. I can still feel a soreness at the back of my nose - it's not gone yet. I'm glad I took these rest days off - can only be doing me good.

I woke up just after 7am and saw a sprinkling of snow outside - just as if the world had had icing sugar seived over it! It's all gone now, but temperatures are plummeting and they're advising people not to go out after dark. My laundry was frozen on the line - I brought it in to dry on the rack.

I took coffee back to bed this morning, and stayed there until 11am!!!! I finally got breakfast (porridge with berries, pumpkin seed butter, allspice), then went down to the shop for a few bits & pieces. I've not got a lot of money left, but I picked up leeks and broccoli on offer, and some vegetarian sausages and burgers which were on offer, and some more onions, and plant milks.

I've done my Darebee Day 15 - the sit-ups etc. I decided to do an indoor walking exercise DVD to substitute for the 20 min jog/run - it was a good cardio workout and I felt happy that it was a good substitute. I've written this on Darebee - but I'm amazed at how much stronger my muscles are!

I made lentil and veg soup for lunch, with some of that sourdough bread toasted with garlic rubbed onto it and olive oil drizzled over it - made it very special.

Because I started my day so late, it's already time for afternoon tea-break! I'll have my dinner early again. I'm regularly having 13-15hrs without eating each day - this is feeling quite easy.

Tonight will be burgers with a bit of vegan cheese on top, broccoli and cabbage.

Apart from that - what will I do today? I'm starting to get a bit bored!







Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/19/18 12:02 P

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double post due to connection re-setting mid-post!
have a photo instead!

I could start working on my costume for the 3:10 in May..................









Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/19/2018 (12:06)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/18/18 5:51 P

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Hi. I hope you get over this cold and feel better soon. I'm glad you called out sick and don't have to go out in the weather.

I'll pause in 30 DoC too. I didn't have today's workout with me anyway. I sought out wifi to download it. I'm going out for a walk in the woods.

I just finished Over Sea, Under Stone.

Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/18/18 1:43 P

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Well, we got the snow eventually - more like white rain......it will be icy everywhere when night falls & temps drop.

I'm glad I decided to call in sick. I did part 1 of Day 14? punches, still have the legs to do.

I baked some lemon & almond shortbread cookies to enjoy with tea this afternoon. The gluten-free, vegan, coconut sugar ones.

I am going to try some of that edame fettuccine for dinner. With peanut chilli sauce and some stir-fried peppers.



Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/18/18 2:39 A

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I fell asleep on the sofa last eve, so scuttled off to bed at 7.30! Hot water bottle etc as temperatures dropped below freezing again.

Coughed all night. Up at 2am and made tea. Not slept much at all.

Can see none of the predicted snow here, but it is cold. I have reported myself as sick today & tomorrow. I have a day off on Tuesday. So hopefully I can get over this cough/cold by then.

I am now two days behind with Darebee.


Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/17/18 1:23 P

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I had a good old session with CB who helped me sort things out. Her take on it is that he's definitely interested as he's had the opportunity to put a stop to it if he wanted that. Her advice is to hang on in there - she reckons he'll text me about next week. He might be wondering if I'm interested enough.........

I have replied to his text to let him know (a) the date of the next parkun (b) that I'd like to catch up with him next week - as he suggests and (c) that I've also been eat/sleep/work/repeat mostly + a couple of nice walks, a buddhist meeting and a haircut. He replied that he was getting ready for work, it was raining and would be a long day. I replied a kind of 'be safe' and hoped he'd find time to squeeze in a coffee break.

I will be careful what I share on the blog, the comments aren't that useful really, but I know people are interested/pleased to have something interesting/fun to read! I'll try to link it to my health and fitness - and being 'me'!

I was given a very, very, very nice loaf of bread with a thick dark crispy crust on it. It was an 'artisan' loaf - unbleached flour etc - which someone didn't want to take home after their holiday. They called to give it to CB and her husband, but they didn't want it as they are going away on Monday. So I got it - yummy! I've had a great hunk with vegan cheese and mustard - and frozen the rest in chunks.

Now to think about Darebee............ hmmm...........
emoticon

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/17/2018 (13:26)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp


Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/17/18 10:12 A

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You are awesome getting yourself out the door for parkrun like that. I've read about your run, it was fantastic. You have earned your pasty AND the vegan strawberry whats-it. Have a great rest of the day.

Thanks for sharing your ongoing soap opera with me. My comment is to protect yourself, and then play as you choose. I'll leave it to your women SparkFriends to comment on your blog.
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Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/17/18 2:00 A

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I only had about 5hrs sleep, due to work, and parkrun plans, but they were sound again - I'm grateful for that.

I'm dressed to go. It was raining when I made my coffee, but I think it's stopped now - neither of my two weather apps show rain until at least 11am (well, only 11% chance of rain - those percentage figures are something and nothing!). But I'm all set to go - whether I get rained on or not.

I'm still not clear of the cold - but have eaten a bread roll with peanut butter and jam, so I can take some aspirin before I leave this morning. I have a post-run breakfast bar in my bag (optional - I don't have to eat it).

I'm planning a food reward today - a hot vegan pasty! I haven't had one in a while - and I'm looking forward to it,

Gill - the soap opera!
I had a reply from Darin (48hrs after I texted him) - it was quite a long text saying he'd have loved to have come, but is working, catch up next week, said he's been working extra hours as needs the money, and asking what I've been up to. I haven't replied yet. I might need to process my emotions first - for example, I felt a bit of anger about his tardiness in replying. My intuition tells me he's not really that keen if he takes so long to reply - I would have expected him to at least have replied "not sure yet, will get back to you" or something. Also he doesn't say things like 'I hope you have a nice time'. However, it could just be that he doesn't communicate in the same way as me, or the way I expect. I might be reading too much into it. Anyway, instead of doing my usual instant response - I'm going to run with it (literally!) and process my emotional reaction to it before I reply. The most significant thing is that he did reply.
cue: 'angelic, mysterious, futuristic music' emoticon

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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Body Thrive - Autumn 2019 Anchor statement "I live a courageous life with energy and confidence"
BDTHOM's Photo BDTHOM Posts: 8,440
3/16/18 10:05 A

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Sound sleep is a good sign of a good mind. I hope the snow and sleet turn out to be nothing. I had a girlfriend from 30 years ago contact a friend asking about me. I'd rather she stay in my dreams. ;)

I hope you slid effortlessly through your Friday and wake to a parkrun day that is better then forecast, weather wise. Take care.

Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 18,358
3/16/18 5:45 A

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I slept really soundly last night. Just before I woke, an old boyfriend (I'm talking 30 yrs ago) featured positively in my dream - that was a surprise, and nice.

The morning is slipping through my fingers - I have been out for a run, but have to be on the bus at 10.30am, so have cracked on with Darebee, and getting my food-to-go packed. Now need to get into the shower and wash hair etc.

The sun is shining this morning. Cold weather, snow and sleet forecast for the weekend. We'll see.

Right now, I have to run!
emoticon

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/15/18 11:54 P

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It's easy to think 'ask and 'invite' are pretty similar, but they aren't. I can see how they are different in your situation. I'm glad you can let it go and not overthink the situation ... for now ;)

You took good advantage of the soap opera. It's a great time to lean into your maintenance skills to maintain the loss. Sounds like it's working for you so far.

Brian
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Yes, it's complicated isn't it?! The invitation to parkrun was just that - an invitation, rather than a question. They feel different to me. I was able to just send the invitation then let it go. Because it doesn't affect what I will do. I am kind of establishing my place.

I still need a concrete invitation - at some point, I need to know for sure which way things are going. But that is on hold for the moment. If he doesn't reply, for example, I will know he's not interested frankly. If he IS interested I need him to be definite about it and invite me to do something with him - rather than just vague 'hows u?' texts. Well, enough of that (for now!).

I felt hungry at work today, but made it through until I got home - had my stewed dried fruit mixture, plus a few oatcakes and hummus. I'm done.

I like my weight being lower - it's a great motivator to not eat extra food. I thought it would take me a year to get to 109 and I'm already there! Thanks to the Darin event I think! It happened at that time - just dropped 4lbs.

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/15/18 10:03 A

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I'm glad you feel good about sending Darin an invitation to parkrun. It is easy for me to think "Why?" When I first read this, I was probably under the influence of your comment, 'I need a concrete invitation.'* Asking for something seemed to me to be adding more waiting on your part. But, taken in context of other comments like 'he leads in the texting',* I see it clearer, and better. You lead in asking for what you want. Asking Darin to join you in something you will do anyway, takes away a lot of the impact on your plans. Very good. * these are not direct quotes but what I remember.

Feel Darebee strong today, day 12 of change! I'm not used to being half a day ahead of you! I'm planning for day 13. I'm thinking run.

Edited by: BDTHOM at: 3/15/2018 (11:28)
Brian
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The cost of the trip - rail fare and accommodation - took me two months to pay for - paid for the rail fare in February and the accommodation when I got paid at end of February (ie March's pay).

I had a savoury oat risotto for tea last night - it was basically porridge, with mushrooms and hazelnuts. I had it with some steamed cabbage and it was surprisingly nice! I ate early (before 6pm) and was in bed before 9pm. I got my 7hrs then dozed the last half an hour.

I sent Darin a text inviting him to parkrun - I've blogged about it. I feel good about this - it takes me out of the 'waiting' mode.

Darebee will have to be after work today. On the bus at 7am, home at 7pm.

Still have a bit of a cough/snot - have taken some dry-it-up meds to cover the work day, and have a cough mixture in my bag (and a few cough sweets that I will try not to use!)

All is well. All is well. All is well.



Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/14/18 5:56 P

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I understand the the Bath priority. The first of the month was at the time you went for your trip. Nice you could get to Asda and pick up some vegan cheese. Hope that helps get back on plan. I enjoyed your remarks about running to the store for bread rolls.

I have read your blog. You did some good work with your emotions today. You sound good. Enjoy parkrun.

Brian
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Feb and March budgets had to prioritize my trip to Bath.

Buddhist meeting was good - all women, variety of religions & beliefs. We explored the concept of "prosperity".

I had time to get to Asda afterwards. I have vegan cheese, vegan mayo, soya cream, hummus, cabbage.

Gill: the soap opera!
You'll see I blogged about Darin. someone suggested asking him on a play-date. So I've just sent him a text asking if he wants to come to parkrun on Saturday - can't wait around for him any longer! This is cool because I don't care if he comes or not - I'm going!
cue 'action music' emoticon emoticon

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/14/2018 (16:05)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/14/18 11:42 A

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Last Sunday, my mother told me about having a moth flutter through the house. It flew around a bit and then disappeared as mysteriously as it appeared. "Probably got caught in a cobweb..." was how she put it. I will see it differently next time it happens to me.

I'm sorry your cold and groceries are conspiring against you. Probably can add in your emotions too. Cheese feels very addictive to me. I don't know if it's biological or psychological ... it doesn't really matter because the end result is the same. What caused you to skip ordering on-line groceries this month? I had sugar with pancakes both Saturday and Sunday. I came out of it pretty well. No extreme sugar cravings this week. I will avoid the Larabar in my backpack today if possible.

I hope you fared well on the trip to the Buddhist meeting. May you be well ... and rid of this cold.

Brian
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"You will soon be receiving good news in the form of the healing of a strained relationship, a resolved health issue, a new career opportunity, an unexpected financial resource or a romantic proposal. Allow yourself to receive!"

I got about 7 hrs last night. It's noisy out there - wind & rain again. My cold is still pretty virulent.

I have coffee in bed today. It's a day off and I am going to a Buddhist meeting at GH's. Not really sure I should be taking my germs out, but I have cancelled so much in the last fortnight, I feel I must take the risk. I saw GH & her hubbie when I was walking to the bus yesterday - they were having coffee on the terrace of a local cafe. So, if I'm well enough to go to work...........etc.

I am thinking a lot about feelings. Linda Spangle has a big section on this in her book Life is Hard, Food is Easy. I will revisit it. I might do a blog.

Sucking cough sweets for a couple of days really wobbled my eating. I felt hungrier and drawn back to grazing. I ate carbs - bread, crackers. I craved chocolate cake. I also found it impossible to resist the goats cheese I bought. Another day the shop had no goats cheese, so I bought Brie - it was the same with that!

So, I have learned that dairy as well as sugar are things I am sensitive to - they are not just behavioural habits, they have a discernable effect on my biology.

Am reigning myself back in today. I have a bit of cheese to use up (cheddar) then I will go and buy a vegan one. Part of this slip has been due to me not doing my monthly grocery order on-line. So my cupboards are not well-stocked and my local shop doesn't have much vegan stuff. I will put that right today.

Darebee later I think. Now: Porridge. Chanting. Go to meeting.



Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/14/2018 (05:26)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/13/18 11:08 P

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I'm not sure text is the best method of communicating. Moths might be a better choice.

Brian
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I have been thinking about the moth message.

Gill: the soap opera .......
Just leaving work at 10pm I was thinking that Darin is just dropping me crumbs, and I really don't need that. Then a text arrives "u awake"

I was tempted to (a) ignore it (b) just say 'yes' or (c) ask 'why?'
In the end I tell him I am just walking to the bus after work.

His reply is 'let me no if need lift home z'. The 'z' might have been meant to be 'x' not sure.

I didn't reply to that one. So at the moment he is leading the texts.
Cue 'cliffhanger music'!
emoticon emoticon


Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/13/18 8:31 A

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I love the message the moth brings. I hope a moth has flown through your day today.

Brian
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I do feel better - I am still sneezing & coughing, but I feel better.

I had a licorice & cinnamon tea at bedtime and slept well. I got up at 4.30 for the loo, but went back to sleep.

It's not raining at the moment, and there is some golden sunlight - this all helps too.

I joined two Spark Challenges - I've set up a 21-day 10+ fitness streak #moveit and a 10+ Fitness Calendar Challenge. They have made my Start page a bit more inspiring.

I downloaded a few self-compassion meditations from www.self-compassion.org and a sample of a book by Kris Neff. This is exploring my 'me' thing, and self-love etc. It's nothing I haven't done before, but I want to revisit it.
self-compassion.org/exercise-1-treat-frien
d/


This came up in Spirit Totems today - I don't think I am a moth.......but this certainly resonated with me!
emoticon
www.spirit-animals.com/moth/

I've had my coffee in bed. Now I am going out for a run. It might be 10 mins........
emoticon

Later.......... it was 30 mins. Posted on Darebee. And, over my porridge, I found that Darebee has it all!
darebee.com/fitness/how-to-listen-to-your-
body.html

emoticon


www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/12/
30/258313116/mapping-emotions-on-the-b
ody-love-makes-us-warm-all-over


Gill: the soap opera.
After telling Darin I had a rotten cold (yesterday) there was a text from him this morning: "that time of year"...................... I'm waiting a few hours' before replying (coffee and chant first) He's very economical with his words, isn't he? Cue the 'what's going on?' type music!
emoticon emoticon

Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/13/2018 (07:30)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/12/18 9:55 P

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That is a great picture of you and Robin. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Brian
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I had another lovely photo from my visit to see Robin last week - I like this one a lot


I laid down and did a guided healing meditation this afternoon - fell asleep during most of it, but woke up towards the end, so I trust that some healing occured. At least I got a protected rest.

I had a text from Darin 'hows you?'

I made a new batch of plain breakfast bars.

I did YWA Yoga for when you're sick - that was nice.




Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/12/2018 (16:37)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/12/18 9:38 A

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Gill, you are enough ....
You are smart enough.
You are kind enough.
You are pretty enough.
You are strong enough.
You are thin enough.
You are outgoing enough.
You are young enough.
You are adventurous enough.

You can improve yourself in any of these areas, and more. But, you are who you are. You are enough for yourself and any partner you attract.

Brian
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From 6th June 2015 - I've been re-reading my thread here!

"I started reading about the NoS diet - and joined the team. The foundation of it is to have No sugar, snacks or seconds on weekdays. The theoretic basis is the premise that snacking/grazing means we never feel really hungry - so are overeating - and that snacks are a modern phenomenon. It made sense to me, as I remember that, as a child, we only ever had three meals a day - and things like cakes, biscuits, desserts were usually at weekends. I'm going to give it a whirl. However, as I've been used to having three snacks most days - I'm going to allow myself one snack a day and see how it goes."



Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/12/18 8:10 A

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My cold has really come out now - I'm feeling quite low in energy. I'm home from work now, and don't have to be back until 4.30pm tomorrow, so am taking it easy. I might even skip Darebee today....................

I am going to have a spicy curry for lunch (potato, mushroom, peas, carrots, edame beans) to try to blast the virus out.

I think yoga is what I need today.

The sky is white, the light is grey, it's raining on & off - a day for staying home.

In regards to 'self-love' and being able to love 'properly' I think I need to let go of my self-criticism and perfectionism - and truly embrace the idea that I am what I am.



Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/12/2018 (08:19)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/11/18 10:32 A

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Happy Mother's Day! Thank you for sharing the pictures of Robin. emoticon

You must love yourself before you can properly love someone else. The 'shift' may be in how you love yourself. You may be ready to power up (charge).

I can't post to SparkPeople from my phone (camera). I email the pictures to myself and post them from the laptop. Technology always seems to require workarounds.

Brian
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3/11/18 8:58 A

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Well, my voice is half-back, which I discovered when I went to chant! So, I can speak, but have very little volume!

I enjoyed my Darebee this morning. Tempted to do more, but know I have to go to work until bed-time, so will hang onto some reserve energy.

I had some nice photos tweeted at me for Mother's Day, which I appreciated. Robin seems to still be fascinated by my mouth!

Some upgrade on my Fire tablet means that I don't seem to be able to share photos on Spark - it just won't load them. I daresay I'll find a way round it eventually.

It's raining here - hard. So no incentive to go outside until I have to (to get the bus to work).

I'm hoping I'll be OK to run tomorrow.

This one is today


This was last week when we were out to lunch


Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/11/2018 (09:03)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/11/18 1:06 A

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Yes, the encounter did feel quite totemic/significant. Coming after my 'encounter' with Darin - also pretty unusual (he is black - which in west Cornwall is probably less than 1% of the population; and younger of course), it has made me think quite deeply about the powers that operate in life. I found myself thinking about charging my life with the energy/power to attract a partner who is just right for me. I'm building a vision of what that relationship might look like.

I was awake quite a lot coughing through the night. So I made a caffeinated Italian coffee at 4am and came back to bed. I have opened my bedroom window wide to listen to the dawn chorus -it sounds quite breezy out there.

Today I will be on the bus to work at 3.30pm and home tomorrow about 10.30am.

I have pancakes & berries planned for breakfast today. For lunch I am making a recipe from a magazine - it's basically potato & pea curry -but cooked in a roasted style in the oven, with chickpeas and onion. I will add a bit of goats cheese. Tea at work will be dried fruit salad (apricot, peach, pear, fig) and soy yoghurt.

Right now, 6am, I think I will refill my coffee cup and stay in bed a bit longer!

My voice is back and I have a runny nose. I feel OK, no sinus headaches this time. Massaging my head & face felt good.




Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 3/11/2018 (01:28)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/10/18 10:04 P

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Weird.

Saturday sounded like a pleasant day ... for a work day. The sunshine helps a lot with that. Interesting encounter with the 'Romany' gentleman. It seem like an encounter like that should have equal significance as encountering a animal totem.

Great job modifying Day 8!

Brian
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The text was exactly as I typed it! Weird, huh?

It was glorious walking to the bus this morning (6.15). There were no cars and it was like walking in an aviary, the birds were so vocal!!!

At the bus station a very unusual character spoke to me - looked like a real Romany -he was talking about the birds and how he knew someone who could catch them and eat them!!! He was harmless, we walked a little way together.

I did some shopping in Penzance after work and got the 'little bus, home. I got off just on the edge of town so I got a15min walk home.

Saturday and I had gluten free crumpets for tea, with raspberry sugar-free jam, and a single serving bag of plain crisps.

I will do a modified version of 30DoC today.

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

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3/10/18 10:27 A

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Did Darin text "i" or "u"? emoticon I don't know what he meant to say. It's just an odd place to leave things. -- I'll take this as a lesson. If I text, text clearly. emoticon

I'm glad you have some voice back. That will help in your work. I'm liking that you will still get sympathy from others today. I hope you continue to get better.

I was glad to see you took my advice choosing the 'every day' goal over the 'level 2' goal. I did the same yesterday without the reason of being sick. I'm not sure how I'm going to do the sprints. I doubt I'll drop and do a push-up in the stretch at parkrun today. But, you never know with me .......

I looked over the next week and will swap days 11 and 12 this week just like I did last week. That moves the run to Tuesday and the 60-mins cross training to Monday. You might want to consider swapping today's run for tomorrow's indoors workout because of time and sickness. -- I don't actually know what you have going on Sunday. I'm going more by long day today and not feeling 100%.

Edited by: BDTHOM at: 3/10/2018 (10:27)
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3/10/18 12:57 A

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I slept well last night, and I have a voice this morning: it's a deep, deep, growling voice - but I can make myself heard and understood. This is helpful for work (whilst still attracting some sympathy!).

I feel fine - I think my nose is going to run next - I'll give my saggital sinus a good massage when I get home from work, then breath in some vapours. I'm OK.

I'm up - done my Sun Salutations. Thanks for that tip yesterday - I did my Day 7 Darebee. Today looks a bit tough, but I'll tackle that later.

Time to go and get dressed. Bag is packed for work - I'm all sorted.


PS
The end of Darin's text was 'Wat did i get 2?' I think the message might have been meant to ask me what I got up to (on sunny Thursday) but as it didn't make clear sense (ie he hadn't taken the care to write it properly) I didn't reply.
emoticon


Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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3/9/18 10:08 P

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Thank you for sharing Gill. You are handling it the best way you can. I hope your voice comes back and throat feels better tomorrow. Or, maybe when you get off work. Another day of sympathetic people wouldn't hurt too bad.

Brian
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I'm not short of ideas on what to do with chocolate! You know me! I've already decided to put small chips of the 100% in my 'trail mix' for the weekend. I'm not fancying any banana ice-cream at the moment. Might put it in porridge!
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I just went a bit free-range with my latest batch of breakfast bars (the last batch went stale I left them uneaten for too long - whilst I was away). I added some of the Sweet Freedom (carob & fruit syrup) choc & caramel, half peanut butter and half pumpkin seed butter, and some finely chopped dates. Hmmm....... bit special! (damn, I forgot to put a pinch of salt in them - I like that little pinch of sea salt).

When I saw Darin last Friday, he said "I'll text you tomorrow morning" . He didn't. So I waited. And waited. And waited. And figured he'd got cold feet. For whatever the reason, he's backed right off. I felt OK about it - but of course, I am a bit sad/disappointed. I knew he was taking his car in for a minor repair on Thursday, so today (Friday) I just texted to say I hoped he got his car fixed OK. He did. At least he knows the door is still open, so to speak, if he feels inclined to get in touch. I'm planning to 'play it cool'. I think I was probably too transparently 'keen'. Maybe. Who knows? I'm not going to ask.

I have a tender-feeling throat, no voice, a bit of a cough. Apart from which I feel OK. I've been taking Beecham's Powders (aspirin and caffeine) which I felt I needed. The good thing about having a compromised voice-box is that people are sympathetic!

Tomorrow I'll be on the bus at 6.30am and home about 5pm.

I'm having salad and cheese for tea tonight. Maybe some fresh fruit and 'cream'




Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

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I recently read a funny comment by a weather blogger: Seattle has four seasons summer, fall, winter and disappointment. That was especially true last spring (we didn't have spring last year). Usually we just say: "It's March (or April). If you don't like the weather, wait and hour."

I'm sorry you lost your voice. I assume a few more symptoms come with not being able to speak. I hope you feel healthier soon.

You have shown great emotional control this past week.* It seems that your sleep has evened back out. I hope texting Darin felt okay for you. I guess ... what I really hope is that you are okay. Thank you for giving an update.

* I think that I've shown equally great nosiness control. emoticon

Oooo ... a shopping spree. Good stuff! I have had the 100 percent cacao bar. It can be ... intense. If you don't fancy it for your 2-squares treat, it's great grated on strawberries or broken up as little chocolate chunks in banana 'ice cream'. I used up a bar my son gave me for those chocolate dipped truffles I made a while ago (Minimalist Baker will help you with that). They are kind of nice encased in the hard chocolate shell.

I know you will take good care of yourself today. I'll send healing energy to help as I can. Blessings

Brian
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"When a food thought crosses your mind, remind yourself that you don’t have to act on it." -- Linda Spangle


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