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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
9/10/19 11:37 A

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Well, the MRI showed something quite disturbing...a mass on my spine. I have another MRI w/contrast on the 25th. I think I covered it in my recent blog. Still scary.

My back is hurting really bad today...woke me up about 2:30 this morning and was up until after 3:00. Going to be a long day.

I had done really good yesterday with my foods until late evening. DH had leftover tater tots emoticon I ate them...I don't know why I wasn't even hungry emoticon And then like a dope I had a bowl of sugary cereal for dessert. I had berries in the fridge, but I just grabbed the more convenient item. emoticon That blew my carb count out of the water.

But I will take it as a lesson on what not to do. Today my head is still in a good space, so I'm back at it today and it will be a good day and I will talk nicely to myself.


* Tracy *
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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
8/30/19 4:31 P

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Ok...Sunday is the big day for my MRI. I'm anxious and excited to think I could be getting some relief soon. I am guessing that I will need more physical therapy because of the leg weakness...not sure but I'm open to the idea.

I'm taking off Tuesday as well, so I get a nice long weekend. Tomorrow is my great-nephew's 3rd birthday party at our local bowling alley. He requested a pizza bowling party. Pretty sure when I was that age I didn't even know what bowling was...LOL. Sunday is my MRI and then in the late afternoon we go to my parents home for mom's 72nd birthday BBQ.

I have been printing out some shopping lists for low carb and have some recipes to try. Monday I begin my new plan. I'm looking forward to regaining control of my eating.

* Tracy *
Washington


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LPARKER085 SparkPoints: (87)
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8/29/19 4:04 P

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Hi Tracy! Thanks for replying! I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties! Don't let your hands be your enemies. (They put tempting food in your mouth) It's amazing to me how I used to think I was big back in college, but now, I'd love to weigh that little! How do we let this happen? Best wishes to you!!! I hope you can feel more like working again REAL soon! I hope Sunday's MRI appt goes better than you imagine. Trash cans can't gain weight, like we do, so go ahead feed 'em your tempting items.

TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
8/27/19 3:19 P

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Work foods are the worst for me! I hear someone getting wheat thins or pretzels and then I want some. We always have candy (fun size and others), wheat thins, triscuits, pretzels, popcorn, beef jerky, protein and granola bars, nuts. The cracker/chips snacks are my true weakness - could live on those bready carbs!

I haven't started doing low carb yet as my back has been so bad. Sometimes the pain is all I can think about. The leg weakness is horrible. Everything went down hill in July after I tried physical therapy. I have MRI on Sunday to determine extent of pinched nerve and treatment options.

I didn't realize just how debilitating pain can be. I could deal with the back pain I used to have...but this nerve stuff is over the top. Sciatica shooting pains, weakness and numbness in my left leg and now weakness in my right. I have to use a cane now for walking and cannot lift my legs for stairs. I need railing and cane to help pull myself up. I cannot stand long either as the leg muscles start to cramp and seize up, or the numbness in my left foot gets bad.

Have not been able to work my 2nd job (either food deliveries or Uber). We need that income for bills, to the tune about about $500/mo. So we have been using credit cards to fill the gaps - the ones that I had just paid down with the debit consolidation loan. emoticon The end of the work day (office/desk) I'm just wiped out and exhausted.

Oh yea...emotional eating! I'm back up over 300# again...swore I never would go there, but here I am. That's been horrific for several weeks. I'm finally coming out of that tailspin of a disaster. A photo from 2 yrs ago popped up on my FB feed and I looked great and I remember feeling so good then - that was keto days.

While I don't know if I can sustain the keto 20 g carbs for a lifetime, I am sure that I could handle low carb with some keto days. I'm thinking that maybe eliminating the junk, processed foods, extra grains and sweets - it might just help with my pain too to some extent.

I did some food prep last night and made egg burritos (using low carb wrap) for breakfast this week. But then I also ate the last of my peanut butter M&Ms - I should have just thrown them out...now I feel horrible guilt for eating them.

Edited by: TRACY6659 at: 8/27/2019 (15:20)
* Tracy *
Washington


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PENSACOLIAN1's Photo PENSACOLIAN1 SparkPoints: (166)
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8/1/19 10:39 A

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Hi! I don't live in Pensacola anymore, but this account is from years ago, when I did. I've been heavy all my life. I'm starting WW today after work. I sit at a desk M-F from 8 am to 4:30 or 5 pm. I am interested in following the KETO diet also.

Work has its share of temptations! This morning there are mini-blueberry muffins, cookies, quiches, and cupcakes all sitting out in our kitchen. I avoided all. I had a Jimmy Dean's (add an egg) w/ bacon and a small apple.

TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
7/22/19 5:35 P

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I came to a decision last week, and I actually feel excited about it. I am going back to a low carb lifestyle. Not necessarily the Keto crazy I was doing, but definitely lower carb than what I've been doing with WW.

I realized that being "allowed" the carby foods on WW was actually doing me more harm than good. The more I ate the more I craved, the more I HAD to have. I was eating more processed foods than before too. So for me and my carb addiction, lower carb is definitely the way to go. I will continue to enjoy the summer fruits and veggies to the fullest. That will be my carb exception. As those foods did not trigger the insanity. The only higher carb veggies will be corn on the cob. The harvest is just coming in and I look forward to it each summer.

I feel really good about this and feel a little happy and excited. Its been a long time since I have felt at peace with this stuff.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

* Tracy *
Washington


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ANNIESADVENTURE's Photo ANNIESADVENTURE Posts: 6,702
6/27/19 12:27 A

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It can take awhile to fully make the changes from one plan to another. I don't know all the answers to emotional eating or what drives us to do things that aren't in our best interest. It's a journey of many baby steps. Persistence and progress, not perfection. And never give up.
Wishing you the best.
Annie




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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
6/25/19 6:07 P

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Well so far I am failing at my attempts to move forward with my journey to better health. I find all kinds of reasons and excuses and then I do stupid stuff. I will eat something that I like but I know if bad for me and will make me sick to my stomach. I'm getting so tired of this cycle. I need to get out of my own head.

Have been having major issues with sciatica -- ever since the auto accident last fall. I am starting a new medicine and have been referred to physical therapy. I still need to call around to see when I can get that started. I think the PT may be the best bet as I could learn stretches and exercises specific for the muscle region.

I feel sick to my stomach now because I thought milkshake for lunch would be a good idea. i'm such an idiot. I'm too old for this cycle - need to get out of it. I need to think of my future self.

* Tracy *
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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
6/18/19 2:31 P

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Life is just flying by! The year is already half over! I still feel stuck in this vicious cycle of wanting to do better food-wise and getting trapped with emotional eating.

While I still struggle with the emotional eating, I am eating better overall. Still eating lots of fresh fruit, veggies are still a struggle for me though. I've been good with drinking water daily too. I still journal all my foods, even the bad ones because I can't hide it ....its not like it didn't happen if I don't write it down.

I applied for a legal assistant position at the prosecutor's office, got an interview but ultimately not the job. I'm kind of bummed because it would have been a good opportunity to build on a place that I could retire from in the future. The commute would have been rough compared to my current situation especially in winter. I learned from it though....I can still do well in an interview after 9 yrs and I see where I could have done better on that process. So I will keep my nose to the grindstone and see if another opportunity arises. I do not hate my job or current work situation, but was thinking of the future. I know God keeps an eye on me and will continue to. This change wasn't meant to be right now. And I'm ok with that.

Summer is in full swing. No plans for any vacation either. We just can't afford it and my mom can't house sit/dog sit due to her health issues. The girls would not do well being boarded. I am hoping to do some day trips though and even take them with us a couple of times. Ginger really needs to get used to the leash and being in the car and away from home. Bella loves getting out, so maybe she can be a reassurance to Ginger.

I have massage this afternoon. Hoping he can work the lower back and muscles around my left sciatic. That has been hurting for a couple of weeks now. I also see a physiatrist this week. Dr thinks they could help me with rehab and exercises to help with the sciatica too. I'm open to it. I really want to wrap up treatment from the 9/2018 auto accident and close that claim.

I am still doing Weight Watchers. It is certainly more flexible and I am learning to deal with my food triggers too. Always a learning process, even with stuff I know.

* Tracy *
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MOMTOLJ's Photo MOMTOLJ Posts: 2,130
4/22/19 9:18 A

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Tracy; we both decided it was time to be serious about our health and eating healthy. I know the struggle all to well. To achieve my goal I decided to open a new thread called" setting goals and how to achieve them" under the 50 plus age but it's open to all as it's bot an age thing but a struggle. If you want to join us your more than welcome We can do this and be healthy/avoid health issues

Baby steps = Big results
Healthy eating only - NO DIET
Leader Spark People's Largest Virtual Weigh-In


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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
4/17/19 1:09 P

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I'm trying something new. I signed up for Weight Watchers. It is different than what I've done recently. With low carb/keto you eat higher fat. So it will take me a bit to readjust. This definitely has way more flexibility. But my hope is that it will give me the choices that I can live with and sustain a healthy lifestyle.

I'm getting desperate at this point. I don't know what will happen if I can't make this work. I don't want to be the same "fat girl" I have been my whole life.

Tom told me the other day that he hates to see me fighting and struggling all the time. Why not just resolve to being fat and live our lives around the limitations that it has. But that has been my whole life! He used to be skinny. I feel like being fat has never been a "choice" for me. He may choose to be fat at this point and deal with his daily pain and mobility issues, but I'm tired of that too. I want something different. Yes, I am very tired of always working at this...when is enough ever enough?


* Tracy *
Washington


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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
4/10/19 1:05 P

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I did good yesterday during the day. i ate what I planned on. But in the evening I ended up eating two peanut butter sandwiches. I did use my special bread, but still that is too much carbs. So it wasn't a complete failure...but still should do better.

Today will be better. I made breakfast last night and am eating that now. Breakfast peppers...super tasty and light too. I will probably get a salad from taco bell for lunch as that is low carb, tasty and inexpensive.

I also need to plan out snacks better for my trip tomorrow. Going to Seattle with mom and niece for an overnight mini-vacation. Tomorrow evening will be a spa (nicknamed the naked lady spa emoticon ). Is definitely outside my comfort zone...but I'm going to do it anyways! We are planning on eating out at some of our favorite places so I will make concessions for that! I'm really looking forward to it.

I will be going to the gym Sunday morning. Have haircut that day too.

* Tracy *
Washington


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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
4/9/19 1:52 P

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Ok folks. Time's up! I have run out of wiggle room in my weight loss and have virtually gained all of it back from my loss in 2017. emoticon I worked so hard for that loss and then felt burnt out and tired of fighting all the time and slipped backwards.

I feel horrible too. Aside from all the bigger fat rolls and not feeling as good in my clothes, I have no energy, feel tired all the time now matter how much I sleep and have a lot of negative self talk. All a recipe for disaster!

I almost cried when I got on the scale this morning....made me feel even worse.

Yesterday I had done really good with my food and tracking. I was about 200 calories over, but it would have been ok except I then went off the deep end. I'm not sure why. I saw my husband had organic toaster pastries and it sounded too good...so I ate them. Then felt tremendous guilt and self loathing. emoticon

I have the tools now to make another go at living healthier...I just have to get moving on it. I have used every excuse you can imagine to eat bad things or even too much of good things.

I will always have chaos in my life that I cannot control - life happens and it isn't always easy. but I need to take the reins on this and start and face the challenges as they come and not quit.



* Tracy *
Washington


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BARBWMS's Photo BARBWMS Posts: 2,523
3/31/19 12:19 P

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I hope things are getting sunnier for you.. sounds like a lot of things that you juggle. Be kind to yourself and be patient..... it will work out.

Be a voice, not an echo!
Barb


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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
3/28/19 6:59 P

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Life+is+whizzing+by%21+++Time+seems+to+be+going+so+fast%2E+We+are+already+coming+up+on+April%2E+%0D%0A%0D%0AIn+some+respects+I+am+doing+better+on+my+journey+to+better+health%2C+but+still+struggling+in+other+areas%2E++I+am+finally+understanding+some+things+that+have+been+holding+me+back+on+the+mental+side+of+things%2E+%0D%0A%0D%0ALife+has+thrown+several+curve+balls+already+so+this+year+is+off+to+a+very+rough+start%2E+I%27ve+been+hanging+on+and+not+giving+up+totally%2E++I+am+doing+better+with+my+water+intake%2C+but+still+working+on+cutting+back+on+my+carbs%2E++Have+had+a+couple+of+weeks+where+I+was+only+able+to+eat+soft+foods+or+the+BRAT+diet+so+that+was+a+bit+much%2E++%0D%0A%0D%0AI+realized+from+eating+all+the+higher+carb+stuff+in+the+BRAT+diet+that+I+never+really+felt+full+and+satisfied%2E%2E%2E%2Edefinitely+felt+super+hungry+those+couple+of+weeks%2E+It+brought+be+back+to+eating+too+much+bready+stuff%2E+I+did+have+the+higher+fiber+bread+but+still%2E++I%27m+good+with+NOT+eating+that+much+bready+things%2E%0D%0A%0D%0AI+have+been+to+the+gym+several+times+over+the+past+week+or+so%2E+First+time+exercising+since+the+auto+accident+last+fall%2E++Hoping+to+strengthen+my+back%2E

Edited by: TRACY6659 at: 3/28/2019 (18:59)
* Tracy *
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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
2/14/19 1:08 P

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Still trying to get to eating better again. I want to feel better like I did. I definitely took it for granted! I guess that happens with most anything in life - or can happen.

Have had a couple good days in the past week. I am feeling like I want to start exercising...which doesn't happen very often. I charged my new headphones. I would like to try and get to the gym one day this week in the morning. Anxious to see how my back will do. If it hurts from doing light exercise I will need to talk to doctor to find out best things to do to help it.

Supposed to meet mom and dad for lunch today. It's snowing again with 4-7" expected today/tonight. I still love the snow...winter was super late this year.

I am journaling again and want to make a vision board too.

* Tracy *
Washington


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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
1/29/19 11:54 A

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Been a while since I wrote in my journal - actually i keep forgetting about it and then not taking the time to focus.

Its been a rough start to the new year. Sully was in hospital with pneumonia and some other bad virus. Mom was in the hospital with congestive heart failure. Thats a long story and I am praying she gets better over the next few months because the alternatives terrify me. Tom & I have been sick with colds that just keep hanging on. Maybe we are getting rid of the drama early?!

I had been doing better with my food choices but totally fell apart yesterday. I was able to avoid all the temptations over the weekend with long hours in the car Ubering. But yesterday something happened and it just went sideways. Ended up eating 2 maple pershings. wth!

I need to look at it as a temp setback though and not define how the week is going to go.

I have lost some of the holiday weight...just about half of it. So I need to focus on that progress and keep moving forward.

I also need to commit time to write in my journal. I haven't been applying myself and it could be used as some quality ME time.

So I charge forward!
emoticon

* Tracy *
Washington


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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 Posts: 3,289
12/27/18 2:38 P

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Getting ready for the new year with new journal.

2018 turned out to be a year of maintaining (mostly) and learning what works for me and what doesn't. Finding what takes me off track and trying to figure out how to regroup and adjust. I'm looking forward to 2019 and implementing what I've been learning.

1st and foremost- do not beat myself up over stuff. Life is too short and not guaranteed. Be kind to yourself no matter what.

I spent a good chunk of 2018 accepting that not losing weight (at times) was NOT a FAILURE! I was LIVING and learning to MAINTAIN as I went along. I was learning what triggers emotional eating or excessive eating. Life is much more than SUCCESS or FAILURE.

So while I am ending the year 8# heavier than when I started it, I do feel good about my head space and my approach to this way of life. I am comfortably wearing 22/24 and even some 20's now. Far better than the 30/32 before I started making changes for a better me.

I have eating carbs over the holidays, and while I have enjoyed them, I am also tired of them. I am starting to eat veggies again - always my downfall of not wanting any.

I have never truly set out with resolutions or even in writing down and setting actual goals. I always do a lot of thinking about that stuff, but never really written down a plan. I am going to write down a plan, short term and have some goals. Not resolutions - again that implies (to me) pass or fail.

Onward I charge!

emoticon emoticon emoticon


* Tracy *
Washington


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