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BOXERLOVER77's Photo BOXERLOVER77 SparkPoints: (51,934)
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7/27/19 7:02 A

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After 27 years of marriage my husband left me for his high school lover!! He looked her up on FB. We have 2 sons that live with me they are 22 and 26. Both have college degrees too thanks to me !!! He was a good provider and that was all !!! I am having to learn a lot of new things he did like changing air filters, painting, removing stain he throwed on bathroom marble floor. And many more things. Thanks to my sons for their support both financially and mentally. I do not have many friends because I have been raising my sons for the last 26 years. No help from him!! His work was done when he got home !!! AND WORST OF ALL HE IS A PACK RAT AND LEFT ALL HIS JUNK , CLOTHES, AND OTHER STUFF HERE FOR ME TO CLEAN UP!!! Pray that God will give me Strength, Wisdom, Faith, Understanding and Love! I do not hate him or her but I block it out most of the time and do what I need to do here!!! Thanks for listening and any feedback is greatly appreciated.



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CD24387101 Posts: 16
5/2/19 12:16 P

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To be able to leave, you need to feel the anger instead of the hurt. Anger can be a useful tool if used to your advantage and not to stew in. Get angry. This is bull! Find a support system. Reach out to family. Find a place to go. Stop replaying things in your head. The good times, the bad times, questioning your judgment, questioning if he ever loved you. Let it go. Grieve, and let it go. He's not the man you thought he was. That man is dead. He never existed. Most importantly, to move on, be willing to feel the pain. Sometimes staying is a way of avoiding ripping off the bandaid (big pain) while remaining in a long drawn-out slow pain that kills you slowly. Rip it off. Move on. Grieve. Be willing to grieve. Don't fear pain. It's part of being human. Believe in better days ahead once your heart catches up to your head. You will come out of this a better judge of character. I know from experience. Use your anger to be proactive. Grieve the loss but don't shed too many tears for him. Never cry for someone who wouldn't cry for you.

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 31,736
3/29/19 1:02 P

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I am guessing the OP is not heeding advice. In a blog post two weeks ago, she declares " I wish I was dead. "

I hope she is all right....

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
DARCY-B's Photo DARCY-B Posts: 6,510
3/29/19 10:39 A

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Therapy
Therapy
Therapy

Darcy



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AEVANSNUTRITION's Photo AEVANSNUTRITION Posts: 1,198
2/25/19 11:41 A

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1. Leave.
2. You need to seek out a therapist who can help you work through this.
3. Once you establish a good working relationship with a therapist, find a registered dietitian to get you on the right track.

The longer you stay, the longer you will be stuck in this vicious cycle and you will remain miserable.



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BARBWMS's Photo BARBWMS Posts: 2,523
11/26/18 12:39 P

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Believe that you deserve better than this pain.

Be a voice, not an echo!
Barb


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 31,736
11/6/18 12:35 P

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By dealing with the problem instead.

Sounds to me like food really doesn't "soothe the pain".

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
FUNKYGIRL42's Photo FUNKYGIRL42 SparkPoints: (312)
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11/6/18 3:42 A

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It is never going to stop. Every time a new promise. It will never happen again. And a couple of years later it happens again. Will I ever learn? Will I ever have the courage to leave him? I'm a coward. Once again I turned to food to soothe the pain. How do I stop using food to deal with my problems?

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