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EMMASMART's Photo EMMASMART SparkPoints: (0)
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8/9/11 10:30 A

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I'm sorry you had to live this. I'm glad you have worked through it some. It's difficult I think to have a "missing" parent still in the body, because it's hard to get closure that way. But maybe closure is over rated.

Emma




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STEPBYSTEP33's Photo STEPBYSTEP33 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/4/11 9:12 A

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Hello everyone! I want to introduce myself to the team as I have volunteered to be our co-leader. I lost my father through abandonment. After his mother died (and he barred me from her funeral) he stopped having anything to do with me. I tried for years to have a relationship with him, but whenever I spoke to him he would insult me and say terrible things. I think he took his anger at my mother out on me.
Anyway this experience has profoundly shaped who I am, and I'm glad to find this sparkteam to meet and encourage other's whose father's death or abandonment has shaped their journey. I look forward to interacting with each of you! Best wishes for a healthy future.

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EMMASMART's Photo EMMASMART SparkPoints: (0)
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1/20/09 9:24 P

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I bet you will find some people abandoned and grateful. Sometime Dad leaving is the nicest thing that could happen. Wouldn't it be nice in a way if there was a test people had to pass in order to have sex? Only people mature and emotionally stable enough would be allowed to make babies. I know we can't but I can dream.

Emma




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JADED247's Photo JADED247 Posts: 8
1/20/09 9:07 P

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What a great idea Wendy! My story is a bit different, and not to get too much into it because literally I could fill my own book, but I wanted to share a few thoughts about the subject. First, my father abandoned me emotionally, then it was physically when I was 17. I have to agree that it was mutual, but in his eyes it was all my fault. (Literally on his death bed it was still my fault almost 15 years later.) What I knew at an early age was that his personality was destructive to me. What I came to terms with over time was that I just needed the genetics. All I needed was the genes to be who I was (or am). There are so many dynamics to this type of topic and situation. Even my brother's experience with this is uniquely his own and we have really just come to terms with it in the past year or so. And what a great topic to write on. ( I am a closet writer ... it is on my "to do" list!) The biggest question I have is why the dynamics of this situation lead so many of yesterdays and todays young girls down the paths they go? Seeeking love and getting something that is false, not knowing what to look for. Not allowing children to reach their full potential because this one item is missing. I think you will help out a great many people. Good Luck to you!!!

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DEE831's Photo DEE831 Posts: 2,607
12/23/08 7:16 P

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good idea

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EMMASMART's Photo EMMASMART SparkPoints: (0)
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12/22/08 9:27 P

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I lost my father to death. However I totally agree that losing your Dad due to abandonment is a similar thing with a long term bitter sting. Part of you wishes he'd catch his clue and start behaving as a father. At least I think most feel that way and for a good long time. Some thing that helps is if you had a stepfather who was a good replacement. It's a mixed bag, with those who have a stepdad, sometimes it's the most amazing blessing, sometimes he's a preditory abuser, we've had both stories here.

I am behind your project 100% and please read through the old posts. I know of two members who've posted about Dads who were absent. I think this is a super idea.

Emma




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WANNABEGODDESS's Photo WANNABEGODDESS Posts: 419
12/22/08 12:15 P

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Hi everyone,

My name is Wendy. I'm a freelance writer in Denver. You can find my newest work at
www.examiner.com/x-2133-North-Denver
-R
eal-Estate-Examiner
. That's not the reason I've joined this team and it's not the reason I'm writing.

My parents divorced when I was 10. My father was a dead beat dad and even though I always knew where he was, he never sent cards, he never called, he never visited. It took me many years to finally admit that I was abandoned.

I'm working on a book about women who were abandoned by their fathers. I read a book several years ago called Father Loss, which dealt with women who lost their fathers to death. The parallels were amazing. Many of the women in the book experienced weight issues and dead end relationships, just like I have, but I also felt there was one huge difference. My father is still alive, theirs weren't.

If you've been abandoned by your father, I would love to hear from you. If I use your story, I won't use your real name (so there are no liability issues with your father). It will all be in confidence, so feel free to tell me anything.


Edited by: WANNABEGODDESS at: 12/22/2008 (12:20)
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Albert Einstein

"Loose" is the way your clothes might fit after you "lose" a lot of weight.


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