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DEETHEDIETITIAN's Photo DEETHEDIETITIAN Posts: 356
12/29/11 9:44 A

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Vent away! This is a safe "dumping" ground.

I lost my mom on Memorial Day this year (just 7 months ago) and I feel - at least some - of your pain. I can't imagine losing two family members in such a short time span.

Keep taking care of yourself. Cry when you have to cry... honor your sorrow - it is healthy no matter what people say.

I've noticed that when I express my sorrow .. people are uncomfortable and they dont' know how to respond so they unintentionally tell me to move on or to get over it (they don't actually SAY those words but they make me feel that way). It is okay - even expected - for us to mourn and grieve and there are no rules about how to do it or how long it takes. Only you will know.

Like yourself, I wanted a team to support me and where I can support others. Sometimes, for me, the best way to get through my own stuff is to help others through theirs.

((((hugs to you))))) I will keep an eye out for you! and keep you and your family in my prayers.

It is not enough to simply show up. You need to step up for results.... keep on stepping! Dee


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,397
12/13/11 11:05 P

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BULAURAOK--We'll be here for you. Do the best you can and that'll have to be good enough. I took me over 4 years on Sparks after multiple things to grieve about to get my head in the right place to lose weight.








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BOLAURAOK Posts: 3,771
12/13/11 10:03 P

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I have not been on here for awhile not this team but almost all Sparking I found I was "grieve eating" even when on the computer. I notice the scale began to creep up so I decided I needed footsteps instead of a full mouth. I have missed coming here and as I write this realize I will have to come back later because I noticed the time is past my usual bedtime and I have to go to work and hour and 15 minutes early YIKEs and the weather is threatening. I better get off to bed. I'll be back.

BOLAURAOK Posts: 3,771
9/12/11 6:52 P

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My thoughts are with you.... I know that the day is not the only day that counts.. I remember when my dad died every day of that week I would remember little details. I don't do that anymore and hope I don't do that with mom but as with you I think the key is keeping busy. I know it wouldn't have mattered if I wouldn't have been home....




COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,397
9/10/11 9:55 P

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Things hit you in waves. One day no problem. The next everything little thing hurts. Tomorrow is my mom's 6 year anniversary, and so far so good. In fact, I deliberately planned to lead a vision boad workshop at church tomorrow. I knew my mom would be happy to see me doing what I love.








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BOLAURAOK Posts: 3,771
9/10/11 9:12 P

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Laurie,

You pretty much quoted me with the seriously business. I try hard not to obsess about everything then bam something totally innocent sends me into a tailspin In that same hailstorm my car was totaled. Which really didn't bother me. I could have driven it much longer but basically to me a car is a car if it gets me where I am going. We replaced that car and had ours in the drive for the insurance company to take it away. It was there a couple of days not a waver. Yesterday I looked out the window and saw it on the truck and the tears came and would not stop. All I could think of was all the time I spent with my mom in THAT car. I tell you it was worse than seeing them drive away with her casket at the funeral.(She donated her body to science)

Then today I went to our clothing closet at work.. and clothes we had donated somewhere else had made there way to my workplace. I know because mom made her own hangers and I would recognize her work anywhere. It's like mom what are you trying to tell me. I get maybe she was just telling me today she didn't really go away.........


By the way thank you for the kind wishes..
Sorry I haven't responded for a few days... I am still trying to play catch up... I am getting there. :)

COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,397
9/8/11 10:51 P

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Hey Smurfette! Long time no see! I got put back into the classroom this year, so I picked first grade (less testing stress!). I have passed some of those wonderful books you sent me along to my friend who is moving into a third grade position








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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
9/8/11 1:40 P

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WHITE-LOTUS- Yes, you are right, Xena Warrior Princess emoticon . You are very accomplished at helping others in this world. My hope for you, dear friend, is that you will accept help when you need it, too. Love and hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
9/8/11 1:35 P

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Dear Laura (I got this from the other topic and my given name is also "Laura"), It is no secret that grief can build up in a person until, with one seemingly small event, we fall apart. Your flowers were NOT a small thing to YOU, however. They were, as Emerson called the sky, "the daily bread for the eyes" for you. They were that little boost of color to brighten up each day. That, on top of so much loss in one year, would have had me railing at the sky, "Seriously, God? Seriously? What list did I get put on this year? Well, you can just scratch my name OFF that particular list because I, personally, have most definitely had enough! Do you hear me? NAME OFF LIST, please! Thank you. Amen" With much love and many, many hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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BOLAURAOK Posts: 3,771
8/30/11 9:28 P

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I am doing good but the biggest reason I hate calling siblings is that if they are having a good day, then I will make them cry.... Also my sisters husband left for Afghanistan the day of the funeral. ( they didn't leave until much later but demanded he leave that day) I really hate bothering her. Since I am having a good day today I think I will go call her and see how she is doing.

COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,397
8/29/11 11:11 P

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Quick fixes are good--and they can roll into learning that we are loved even without the physical stuff.

Those of us who are good at helping others can be the worst at reaching out and letting ourselves be helped.








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BOLAURAOK Posts: 3,771
8/29/11 9:24 P

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Thank You for your kindness. I felt so much better coming to this team. It seems silly to me cause I work at a psych hospital and part of my job is working with patients on coping skills. The flowers were a quick fix for me cause I would drive in the drive and feel loved. ( my husband has worked so hard on them this year because he knows they make me happy)

By the way I drove home in that hail storm that totaled my flowers and my car and yet it was the flowers that set me over the edge what is wrong with me?

One of my brothers did put a rosebush on my porch the other day. It is my new quick fix.

KATEJ17's Photo KATEJ17 Posts: 136
8/28/11 10:25 P

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You are dealing with so much in such a short span of time! My sympathies for the loss of your brother and mom.....It is wonderful that you have support of family and friends, but I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to just call and sob to someone over the phone. Be brave and strong where you must, but allow yourself those moments of breaking into tears. I do a lot of that in the car. And you are right --- the little things become that much more important, our flowers, a scratch on the car, a disorderly closet. I tend to obsess about things and get bent out of shape so easily these days. Try to be gentle with yourself and your world. We are always here for you.
Kate



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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,397
8/28/11 9:13 P

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You're in the right place. We will say: There is no right way, no timeline on grief. Even though the world wants you to "get over it" and move on. Is there a park nearby or somewhere that also has flowers that you can visit? Maybe a virtual garden for now to imagine yourself sitting among the flowers and allowing your memories of your brother and mother. Multiple losses take a toll and life asks us to keep functioning. Go to work, be strong for others. Don't underestimate your family's capibility to support you. Being supportive of someone else often helps us cope with our own grief.

Vent away!








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BOLAURAOK Posts: 3,771
8/28/11 7:48 P

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I haven't ever started a post in this section before.... Under the heading it said introduce yourself. I have been thinking about looking for a grief team on this site because my heart is breaking.... I do have lots of friend and family support. The world is busy though and many times I don't want to call in tears to them because my siblings are going through the same struggles as I am. If they are having a good day I don't want to call them and ruin it..

My brother died on May 5 of Cancer. He fought so hard to win that battle but just couldn't do it. Then on July 15 Cancer and age (81) claimed my mother.

Some days it is a struggle to get home without breaking into tears. I try and use my coping skills and look to things that make me happy. Last week was horrible a hail storm came through and destroyed my flowers. When I have whined about it people look at me like I have totally lost it. I have a sister who gets it.... She also gains much joy from her flowers and the deer ate hers. Usually I could take this in stride but seriously????

I like to run but the heat index has made it unsafe or of course storms... I decided I need a place where I can safely vent...

Thank You




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