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AURA18's Photo AURA18 Posts: 11,710
3/23/17 1:44 P

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Edited by: AURA18 at: 5/24/2018 (09:04)
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UPTOIT59's Photo UPTOIT59 Posts: 1,580
3/23/17 12:57 P

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I agree, this topic can also be lumped into the Oh Well. I don't get caught up in the "this isn't fair" about eating. I will either eat it or not. Lately I have been choosing the not and hopefully after I finish the Beck Book I will have a really strong resistance muscle and choose not even more often. But if I don't choose not to than that will have to be ok as well. ie Oh Well, next.

Carolyn

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% what you do with what happens to you.


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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 949
3/23/17 12:15 P

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I look at my weight issues as I spent over 1/2 my life on the other side of 'fair' - being underweight and able to eat anything at anytime. My mother told me when I was 16, she couldn't wait til I gained weight and understood how 'most of us live'. I was shocked at the time that it was said with such 'feeling'...it still makes me sad to remember this. My friends were always telling me it wasn't fair. Sorry - don't mean to drag in other 'issues' emoticon but I think I still covertly think I am being evened out in the fairness principle. Logically I know there is no such thing as 'fair'. It gets harder to lose weight as I get older. I too lump this in with "oh well...move on."

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


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WALKMAMA's Photo WALKMAMA SparkPoints: (37,414)
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3/23/17 6:33 A

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I am not sure if this fits the unfairness syndrome, but there are times when my thoughts lean toward a childish whine. I am aware of it and catch myself when I can. It helps to count my blessings and read my reasons to lose weight.

Monica

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KRISZTA11's Photo KRISZTA11 SparkPoints: (142,897)
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3/23/17 4:46 A

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I don't have a problem with this anymore, but I remember how dwelling on perceived unfairness made dieting impossible!
For me, this chapter links to day 22 Say Oh Well to Disappointment, where we learned that we should work towards acceptance.
This is my body, my mind, my life, my food plan - others around me make different choices and get different outcomes. Maybe I don't get to eat what others eat, but I'm at my goal weight, in balance, free from cravings. That is good enough for me.

It also helps that I never eat things I don't like, and I'm happy with my simple but delicious food.
I eat no sugar and very little white flour. Whole wheat bread, brown rice, oats, legumes, fruits, dark chocolate do not tempt me to overeat, and I treasure my freedom from cravings.
I know unplanned bites would throw me out of balance and peace, so - no choice.
I can put the thing I wanted on tomorrow's plan, if I really want it.

Kriszta

Goal weight:
59 +- 1 kg /// 130 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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MTN_KITTEN's Photo MTN_KITTEN Posts: 8,014
2/13/17 7:07 P

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One day when I was whining about something my BFF announced ... life isn't fair.

Dieting isn't fair.
What I perceive that everyone "gets" to do and I don't ... isn't fair.
Me being 125+ pounds over weight at my heaviest ... isn't fair.
Me starting and stopping ... and starting and stopping ... isn't fair.

Oh, well.
emoticon

Edited by: MTN_KITTEN at: 2/13/2017 (19:08)
Cat

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain.


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IAMAUNTYEM's Photo IAMAUNTYEM Posts: 6,716
1/30/17 11:44 P

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kriszta11 said it very well...life IS unfair, but I too am a benificiary.

Edited by: IAMAUNTYEM at: 1/30/2017 (23:45)
8-)
AuntyEm
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10/27/16 8:20 A

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I am struggling with the unfairness of life in maintenance. My little girl says "I worked so hard to lose all this weight, I should be able to relax and enjoy it now:" I am so grateful that I have Beck and community support to remind me that feeling light and free of the food obsession is so worth it. It is completely fair that I continue to choose to eat well and stay active to I can enjoy all the benefits my new body affords me. It WILL become easier again.

Nancy C (Daisy) - Colorado
Life is Good.

"I don't have a runner's body, but I have a runner's heart - and that is all you need. "
Army Sergeant Jennifer Morris, Runner


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FUNLOVEN's Photo FUNLOVEN Posts: 2,936
10/24/16 10:34 A

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I don't have any trouble "giving in " to food that's for sure, but the Unfairness Syndrome has never been the reason for it. I love the statement that Beck makes about the choice being ours! I want to choose the choice of NO CHOICE to get me to goal!

Sue

Michigan - EST

LIVE-BREATHE-ENJOY LIFE!
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JEANKNEE's Photo JEANKNEE Posts: 22,916
10/23/16 3:57 P

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Having lived without as a child and having less than those around us, the fact that some have things and others do not seemed to be a simple fact of life. Not anything to envy. It's just the way life is ...

Jeanne
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Max Lifetime Weight, 211
SP Start Weight, 206.8
Maintaining since June 2014
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"Believe me, your body has the ability to restore itself to perfect health, once you eliminate the foods and other forces that prevent it from healing." ~ Steven R. Gundry, MD

"I'd like to dispel once and for all the myth that any single diet approach works for every individual." ~ Peter J. D'Adamo, ND


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KBEHNKE81's Photo KBEHNKE81 Posts: 17,576
10/23/16 3:52 P

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As human beings, we seem to notice unfairness only when we are getting the short end of the stick. For most of us, there are many times when unfairness works in our favor. Is it unfair that we have so many food choices that we have to say no to some foods every day? I call that a blessing of abundance. Is it really unfair that I "can't" have pie for dessert when I just had a fully satisfying meal of watermelon, carrots, banana, and turkey & cheese sandwich?

**Kathleen
___________
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.


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10/23/16 3:32 P

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I don't suffer from the Unfairness Syndrome since I first read Beck.
I know I can put anything I want on tomorrow's plan,
and I don't envy colleagues who eat chocolates or other goodies between meals in the office because I know they would just make me crave them.
The only challenging situation is eating out, but I do that very rarely, maybe 2-3 times per year.

I noticed an aspect now that I missed at first reading: it may be unfair I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want... but I live in freedom, peace, safety and health and millions of people are not this lucky - so life is actually unfair in my favor.

Kriszta

Goal weight:
59 +- 1 kg /// 130 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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MAY1787's Photo MAY1787 SparkPoints: (21,336)
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8/17/11 10:40 A

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I don't like the jealousy I feel when it comes to unfairness. I see people that lose a pound a day or even a week and I start to feel very envious and then I get annoyed that my weight loss has diminished or plateaud (depending on that particular month). It doesn't keep me from still going, but it does ruin the good will I have with these people because I can't see their losses as anything but a shove in my face ("I can lose weight and you can't!").

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JSPEED4's Photo JSPEED4 Posts: 1,701
4/10/11 6:55 A

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Unfairness if part of people being very-much individuals; one-size does not fit everyone. So, what is provided as a norm in one society will not always be useful to everyone in it.

I would love to buy cheap food and feel great on it. My individuality requires something different than the normal wheat-based Western diet, though. Remembering how much I value respecting individuality helps me accept myself. I prefer to retain individuality over gaining more comfort in some area that is OK as it is.

J. Speed Eastern Standard Time, UTC/GMT -5
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SLENDERELLA61's Photo SLENDERELLA61 SparkPoints: (377,504)
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2/4/11 4:14 P

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Thanks, Grace. You are so right. The past is the past!


My Keys to Success = Tracking! Super Foods! Step Up Cardio! And most important: Quit Quitting!!

www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po
st=86_pounds_down_marsha_is_one_active
_grandma


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2/4/11 4:04 P

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girl that is awesome. The past is just the past. Hey you are making changes and that is all that counts. emoticon .

TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD; SO SHALT THOU DWELL IN THE LAND, AND VERILY THOU SHALL BE FED. DELIGHT THYSELF ALSO IN THE LORD: AND HE SHALL GIVE THEE THE DESIRES OF THINE HEART.


PSALM 37:3-4

Pat from the east coast


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2/3/11 8:16 P

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I don't use fairness as a reason to overeat. I do still harbor feelings about how I was raised by overweight parents, put on my first diet of skim milk on my first birthday. I suffered from being overweight as a child before I had any understanding or power to do anything about it. That seems unfair somehow. But so many people go through so much more than I have. I have had so many advantages in my life. I have been blessed over and over again in so many ways. Truly I've had more than my share of blessings and luck. It is time to get over the pain of growing up fat. It is time to leave it behind. I feel about ready to let it go.


My Keys to Success = Tracking! Super Foods! Step Up Cardio! And most important: Quit Quitting!!

www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po
st=86_pounds_down_marsha_is_one_active
_grandma


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10/12/10 1:41 P

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Just finished this chapter...it is so funny while waiting in line in my car I was able to make up a card of the unfairness of etc. gonna apply it. I have already used it to guard against eating extra cookies.

TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD; SO SHALT THOU DWELL IN THE LAND, AND VERILY THOU SHALL BE FED. DELIGHT THYSELF ALSO IN THE LORD: AND HE SHALL GIVE THEE THE DESIRES OF THINE HEART.


PSALM 37:3-4

Pat from the east coast


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10/10/10 8:10 P

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I too am christian but I am also human flesh and blood and I still say and think it is unfair. It would be different if we did not have to eat. Just starting on this chapter. Being honest I have said it is not fair especially when I am confronted with something not on my plan by someone else eating it in front of my face.

Edited by: PURPOSEPOWER95 at: 10/10/2010 (20:13)
TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD; SO SHALT THOU DWELL IN THE LAND, AND VERILY THOU SHALL BE FED. DELIGHT THYSELF ALSO IN THE LORD: AND HE SHALL GIVE THEE THE DESIRES OF THINE HEART.


PSALM 37:3-4

Pat from the east coast


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ANUSCHKA9's Photo ANUSCHKA9 Posts: 6,695
9/17/10 11:11 P

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Life is not fair... not for anyone, anywhere.

It was only after I realized this that I let go of a lot of the resentments that I was carrying. I typically don't think of my diet as a "fairness" issues. I can't remember ever saying to myself "It's not fair that I can't eat this while everyone else can." It's just the way it is.

If I decide that I really want to lose weight, then I have to follow my plan. If I want to eat a piece of birthday cake, then I have to cut the calories out some where else. For me it's more about balance. The choice is mine.

Edited by: ANUSCHKA9 at: 9/17/2010 (23:13)
Anuschka
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ANNANN63's Photo ANNANN63 Posts: 2,241
2/6/10 12:47 P

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Unfairness used to be a big hot button with me. I wanted fairness. Then I became a born again Christian and I knew that I did not deserve all the wonderful things God gave to me. Soon after I realized that Life is Not Fair--but it goes both ways. I have many good things in my life that I have done nothing to deserve. I am truly blessed. So now when something happens where I do deserve something and do not get it, I accept that life is just like that. For me all the things I am blessed with are so much greater than what I miss that the issue of fairness just doesn't come up anymore.

Annie
Central Florida-EST


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COFFEE666's Photo COFFEE666 Posts: 97
12/8/09 7:18 P

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Yeah, I totally feel that it's unfair sometimes when i can't eat what everyone else is eating.

what I need to do is acknowledge that I may feel it's unfair but I can choose to eat what I'm feeling that about, or I can choose to continue to lose weight. It's an either or situation here and I need to choose the weight loss over the cookie.

"Looks like your expectations let you down. Expectations have a way of doing that." -Pedidiva


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JAC-ATTACK's Photo JAC-ATTACK Posts: 308
11/16/09 1:15 P

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I'm glad this was covered in the book. This is a sticking point for me. When I get stressed I fall back onto the unfairness of my size 2 fried chicken eating SIL. Darn it!

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IMREADYTODOIT's Photo IMREADYTODOIT Posts: 564
10/19/09 2:05 A

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I keep falling off the reading wagon...but I keep getting back on-which is the difference from usual.

I do not want to continue to be grossed out by my body, feel overstuffed by my food choices, hate having my picture taken

SO I choose to continue to stay in my calorie range, eat clean foods, workout and take time for myself. I choose to be healthy!!!

Brittany-Striving for persistence, not perfection!

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”


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IMREADYTODOIT's Photo IMREADYTODOIT Posts: 564
10/15/09 1:42 A

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I had been doing well, but 4 stressful shifts at work threatened to derail my accomplishments. I have taken a few days off from the gym and had a few bad nutrition days as far as choices, but
I am ready to get back on track right now!

My gym bag is packed, my water bottle is filled, my lunch is ready to grab. I will get back on track right now!!!

I want this! I need this! I just reread my reasons for weightloss. I am going to do what I need to do to reach my goals!!!



Brittany-Striving for persistence, not perfection!

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”


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NANCY-'s Photo NANCY- Posts: 8,107
9/18/09 12:25 P

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Being on the pity pot doesn't get me anywhere. I just need to suck it up, say "Oh well" and do what I know needs to be done.

Expect Success

*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.*Stress comes from focusing on problems,
........relief comes from focusing on solutions.

Reward yourself for behaviors, not results.
CINDILP's Photo CINDILP SparkPoints: (267,883)
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2/24/09 7:28 P

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This day provides lots of food for thought. Life is unfair and I tend to use that as an excuse to eat something I shouldn't. Its like I'm telling myself I deserve it because I had a hard day, etc. Its an excuse that perpetuates my weight which makes me unhappy and then I have to diet.

I have to admit that I believe that this is a lifestyle. For me that's important or else I will fail. That's how I lost weight. But, even with eating healthy moderation is key.
Cindi

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RUN2RIDE's Photo RUN2RIDE Posts: 1,204
1/24/09 6:35 P

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FemmeBella -- you put that perfectly.

One of the reasons Beck's been successful for me is cuz it's so straight forward - "if you want to lose weight, you have to diet."

I'd been so busy fooling myself that i could make it a lifestyle, not a diet, that I'd never been able to actually get any results - I may have been eating healthier but I was still eating too much and not exercising enough and so I was still overweight.

It's OK that dieting's not fair cuz I want to lose weight, and to lose weight I do have to diet.

"oh well..." :-)

My ticker represents 12 years of learning and losing and regaining and regrouping - I'm NOT going back! I *AM* and *WILL BE* fit 4 life!!


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FB_000's Photo FB_000 Posts: 1,409
11/29/08 3:48 A

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I choose to accept that dieting isn't fair and move on.

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/25/08 7:27 A

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Sometimes we use our weight as an insulator from the outside world. It keeps us from having to try to succeed or have a relationship, etc, because it's our excuse. I like how Dr. Beck takes the approach that the reason doesn't really matter, just deal with the outcome. Like you can't always stop the stress, but you can stop the stress eating. Ya know?!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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BUTTERFLYWINGZ's Photo BUTTERFLYWINGZ SparkPoints: (15,888)
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9/25/08 1:06 A

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Right! It's so easy to break down in a ball of mess when you bring all of that emotion in... when watching the Biggest Loser tonight, it really hit home when Jillian asked someone why she wouldn't want to let herself succeed & I realized how I have held myself back from succeeding in the past... and I don't know why. It brought everything back again... This is a hard one!

~~ Renee ~~

My Motto: "DO IT ANYWAY!!"


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/24/08 9:50 P

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The past doesn't have to determine our future! You Go Girl!!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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9/24/08 5:55 P

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I have come to realize Spiritually, as well as physically that I cannot continually blame my past for the consiquenses of my weight.

It IS unfair what happened to me back THEN to make me this way. Yes - it's accepted & I can finally move on with whatever I need to do to overcome this. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself any more - I am going to be in control of myself!

When I read my list of reasons I want to lose weight, I keep specific images in my mind for each one & how much I want it. The most "FAIR" thing I can think of to come from all of this hard work is the fact that I will never have to waste another single moment being fat again.

~~ Renee ~~

My Motto: "DO IT ANYWAY!!"


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
8/2/08 10:30 A

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That's right! If we stick with it, we will prevail!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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RUN2RIDE's Photo RUN2RIDE Posts: 1,204
8/2/08 9:57 A

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It's not fair -- Oh well, sigh, I have my reasons (thanks to Day1) and they're sooooo much cooler than worrying about if somethings "fair" or not :)

Day23 DONE

My ticker represents 12 years of learning and losing and regaining and regrouping - I'm NOT going back! I *AM* and *WILL BE* fit 4 life!!


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
7/8/08 1:31 P

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Good attitude!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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PURPOSEPOWER95's Photo PURPOSEPOWER95 SparkPoints: (116,756)
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7/7/08 7:42 P

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I was never sad or depressed, unhappy about my weight. My size doesn't determine my happiness. I needed to make a change because of health reasons. I have thought its not fair because everyone in my house eats like they like. OH WELL, life isn't fair but this change in my lifestyle will pay off in the long run. The more weigh I lose will cut down on more health risks. I do not need anymore. Goind forward fair or not!!!

TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD; SO SHALT THOU DWELL IN THE LAND, AND VERILY THOU SHALL BE FED. DELIGHT THYSELF ALSO IN THE LORD: AND HE SHALL GIVE THEE THE DESIRES OF THINE HEART.


PSALM 37:3-4

Pat from the east coast


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6/30/08 11:47 P

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starting here!!

TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD; SO SHALT THOU DWELL IN THE LAND, AND VERILY THOU SHALL BE FED. DELIGHT THYSELF ALSO IN THE LORD: AND HE SHALL GIVE THEE THE DESIRES OF THINE HEART.


PSALM 37:3-4

Pat from the east coast


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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,226
3/28/08 9:09 P

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I counter the unfairness syndrome with OH, WELL... ACCEPT IT... and MOVE ON. It really helps me move myself forward without getting stuck.

Mazzy


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
3/27/08 8:18 P

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I think the longer you spend eating healthy, that becomes what you want to do. I find my mind still automatically thinks "eat that" but then I realize that I don't really want it.

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Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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CD2362834 Posts: 10,632
3/26/08 10:35 P

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i have to say, that I still struggle with "this is unfair and i don't wanna" more than not. it gets to be a real pity party!

but... if I stop and think about it... what I want is actually not good for me.

The things I tend to think are unfair actually tend to be the things I used to want to do: eat what I want, when I want, as much as I want.

Sadly, that hurts me...

Upshot... it's not unfair that I need to do the things that nourish me instead of continuing with my old patterns that hurt me. and accepting that helps. and then reminding myself of the positive things that will happen from doing the truly good/better behavior helps me stay focused...

:::shakes head in frustration::: funny how our thinking can twist and get unrealistic in an instant! that is unfair!!! this should be a whole lot easier! i would so love to not have this issue. That would be fair!! ;)


MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,226
12/27/07 11:09 P

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The OH, WELL... ACCEPT IT and MOVE ON really keeps me moving forward instead of getting stuck. LOL.

Mazzy


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CD1345136 Posts: 1,836
12/27/07 10:36 P

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That's a great strategy, Mazzy. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair when there are people who can eat whatever they want and they don't gain weight. Or, worse yet, they never feel the need to eat for emotional reasons. I've always believed that total acceptance of what I can't change and changing what I can is truly the key to happiness. So saying "OH WELL...ACCEPT IT and MOVE ON!" can quickly get us past dwelling on how unfair it is, and we can continue to stay on course.

MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,226
12/27/07 10:16 P

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Quoting Dr. Beck:

"Once I stop telling myself that dieting isn't fair, dieting will be easier."

Whenever I hear myself saying that dieting isn't fair, I'm going to say to myself "OH, WELL... ACCEPT IT and MOVE ON!"

Mazzy


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THENEWDAWN's Photo THENEWDAWN Posts: 1,096
11/11/07 5:30 P

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LOL

On my way to Diva Dawn!


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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,226
11/11/07 5:05 P

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I've always skipped over the unfairness syndrome and gone straight to the pity pot... poor me.

OH, WELL...lol

Mazzy


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THENEWDAWN's Photo THENEWDAWN Posts: 1,096
10/5/07 12:15 A

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I totally agree. That's a BIG obstacle to overcome. It really gets me in my "Justice" personality trait...

On my way to Diva Dawn!


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PEANUTBUTTER14's Photo PEANUTBUTTER14 Posts: 214
9/24/07 6:28 A

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Like I said from day one. I must face reality.
Mary

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/18/07 6:48 A

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You can tell that some issues Dr. Beck knows are harder for us to conquer because she devotes several days to what seems like the same thing, but it's because we need it.

The unfair thing is that for years I've been not doing things and dressing badly just because I was too lazy or busy doing the wrong things to take care of myself. I am sooo glad that I finally started making a change here! Life is sooooooo much nicer having energy! Being able to tie my shoes easier!!

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Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/16/07 8:31 P

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Dieting might not be fair, but I have two choices: I can feel sorry for myself, stop following my plan, never reach my goal and continue to be unhappy with myself. Or I can sympathize with myself but go ahead and do what I know I need to do. Everyone experiences some kind of unfairness in life. This is one of mine. Besides, the greatest unfairness to me would be if I let this excuse prevent me from reaching a goal I strongly want to achieve.

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


 current weight: 213.6 
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