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RUSSLANE's Photo RUSSLANE Posts: 501
12/8/09 10:02 P

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Beat me with an insensitivity stick (and the long delay ... for some reason my "sparkemails" notifications haven't been showing up. I'm sorry. :-(

Best,
Russ Lane

-- Lost 200 pounds while food writing, and maintained it 10 years
-- Went from pizza-guzzling wallflower in rock clubs to (very) aspiring boxer and artist in his spare time
-- Hit goal and felt a little thrown to the wolves. Dedicated his life to increasing support for those at or nearing goal and eeking every possible amazing thing out of it.

Limits? Pah.

BAILEYS7OF9's Photo BAILEYS7OF9 Posts: 19,602
11/12/09 11:35 A

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Thanks.





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KAYOTIC's Photo KAYOTIC Posts: 16,958
11/12/09 9:42 A

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So sorry for your loss Bailey, that's a rough one.

highest weight ever:202, SP starting weight: 143

H: 5''4" 53 y.o.

"Don''t let yesterday use up too much of today." Will Rogers

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants" Michael Pollan



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BAILEYS7OF9's Photo BAILEYS7OF9 Posts: 19,602
11/11/09 2:37 P

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yes a relative passed away, it was suicide and the family found out the night before, this was a quick get together of just family to decide where to go in planning, etc.

so, like a wake, but not the official wake.






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RUSSLANE's Photo RUSSLANE Posts: 501
11/11/09 2:06 P

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Awesome replies, as always. My computer ate my reply yesterday.

...but I have to ask because the curiosity is killing me. Quasi-wake? Was your relative sort of dead? Didn't think it worked that way, lol

Best,
Russ Lane

-- Lost 200 pounds while food writing, and maintained it 10 years
-- Went from pizza-guzzling wallflower in rock clubs to (very) aspiring boxer and artist in his spare time
-- Hit goal and felt a little thrown to the wolves. Dedicated his life to increasing support for those at or nearing goal and eeking every possible amazing thing out of it.

Limits? Pah.

BAILEYS7OF9's Photo BAILEYS7OF9 Posts: 19,602
11/11/09 12:03 P

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We were at a family gathering last week and one of the cousins hadn't seen me since the end of July and she went ape over how I look. It was a little embarrassing as we were there for a quasi wake. But I admit. I loved it!





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DONNYE2008's Photo DONNYE2008 SparkPoints: (237,419)
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11/11/09 7:52 A

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I like it when people say I look nice, or even say "you've lost a lot of weight." But for some reason, I don't like it when my husband calls me "skinny." Mainly because I still don't feel skinny, and I need to get more toned, too. Maybe I'm quibbling. My main fear is backsliding and have those compliments stop altogether.

"When I stumble, I make it part of my dance."


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LEELYNN2's Photo LEELYNN2 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/8/09 10:51 A

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I got a compliment that I really liked yesterday... The compliment was from the captain of the woman's A league Ice Hockey team who said that I was really improving and skating smart on the ice. You can give me a compliment like THAT any day.

"Motivation is not something you find or lose, have or don't have. It is the product of how you see yourself in the world: active or passive, effective or ineffective, powerful or victimized, normal or pathological."
Coach Dean

"I hold this jagged stone in my chest of keepsakes" AUNTMOUSE


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ATULGARG2 Posts: 460
11/8/09 2:20 A

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Generally I feel motivated with compliments. I normally discuss also with others about my exercise schedule and diets etc.
Criticism may not necessarily dampen my spirits. But a healthy discussion on fitness and other's success stories inspire me.

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RENA1965's Photo RENA1965 Posts: 17,878
11/7/09 12:38 P

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Lot people say their peace, I take it gracefully and say thanks.. Tell me I lost too much weight can make me turn into sister mary elephant (the nun with the loud voice!)I then show my before photo asking which do they prefer, the point is driven home by the look on the face

emoticon and a sorry I barely can hear..

"I shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me. Or I can be lost in the maze. My choice. My responsbility. Win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny."
-google first. ask questions later
.*) .*) .*)
(***Rena ***)
(.~ (.* ~ (.*


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BAILEYS7OF9's Photo BAILEYS7OF9 Posts: 19,602
11/4/09 11:37 A

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emoticon my BF complimented me again last night and expressed how very proud of me he is that I not only lost the weight, but how much healthier I look, etc. He said if anyone gave me grief that I am too thin to tell them that my BF thinks I'm perfect and hot and to mind their own business.

emoticon emoticon emoticon





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BETHANYBOO's Photo BETHANYBOO Posts: 2,040
11/4/09 11:13 A

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EBIDDLEC I know exactly what you mean about the "I'm worried" comments. I get that all the time from my mom and it's obnoxious! I'm 15 pounds over the underweight range for my height, and I don't have bones sticking out or anything... why in the world should anyone be worried about me?

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EBIDDLEC's Photo EBIDDLEC Posts: 299
11/2/09 4:29 P

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Personally, I never got a ton of compliments from the people who I am around a lot (maybe since they saw me all the time and didn't notice a sudden change?).

Occasionally I'll get the 'worried' comments about not losing more weight. Ironically, my mother made a few comments like this, but then when my grandfather (her father) said something, she was all "She eats healthier then anyone else I know! You should see how much food she eats its just all healthy!!!".

The people I hear the most from are those who I rarely see. So, since its not that often, I don't mind when someone says something! :)

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MYGEORGE's Photo MYGEORGE SparkPoints: (0)
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11/1/09 4:30 P

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What great answers. I had a very well respected wonderful co-worker who saw my frustration tell me to smile and say thank you and turn the next question to be about them. She told me that people tend to be "jealous" (hate that word) and by turning the topic to them will avoid that. It does work.

Silent shout out to our hard work and success!!!

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.


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KAYOTIC's Photo KAYOTIC Posts: 16,958
11/1/09 2:06 P

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While I would like to have my achievements not relating to weight loss get more attention (how I did in a race for example) I think they get less attention because they aren't "visible". We are probably all trained to look and notice physical changes in people, those are so much more obvious and in your face than other accomplishments.

In addition to that, we never want to "toot our own horns" as that would be immodest, so we end up with no way of getting what we most desire in the compliment category.

I'm not saying it's good, bad or ugly, just realistic.

If we analyze those compliments too much, we set ourselves up for turning a well-meant or just off-hand compliment for an insult, and as someone who's had her well-intentioned compliments taken badly, that's no fun either!



highest weight ever:202, SP starting weight: 143

H: 5''4" 53 y.o.

"Don''t let yesterday use up too much of today." Will Rogers

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants" Michael Pollan



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WATERMELLEN's Photo WATERMELLEN Posts: 9,014
10/29/09 9:35 P

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I have a lot of issues around weight related compliments. I am exhausted by the focus on my weight loss -

This comment by SERENE_ME really snaps it into perspective for me. Hadn't thought about it so clearly before so thanks -- quite right, it's somewhat exasperating to have the weight loss, the appearance, focused upon so exclusively. Compliments now remind us (like we need it) that we were being judged before too -- and probably not very positively. What other stuff beyond appearance/weight etc. is significant??



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SERENE_ME's Photo SERENE_ME Posts: 606
10/29/09 7:20 A

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I have a lot of issues around weight related compliments. I am exhausted by the focus on my weight loss - I have had an exceptionally positive year filled with some great achievements (my self decorated house was featured in a local design magazine, I published my first professional paper, I ran my first half marathon and did it in under 2 hours etc) but all anyone wants to talk about is my weight. I am so much more than the size of my butt.

Part of my very long journey has been to love myself from the inside out - I, like many, many (dare I say most?) people, have sought a steady affirmation of my value to this world from other people through their comments and compliments to the net result that I felt unworthy most of the time. No one can receive enough compliments to completely fill their soul (look at poor Britney Spears as an extreme example!) so, I now try to live without needing compliments. I still enjoy them and give them freely but don't need them.

So, yes, it gets old and boring and I'm really happy that I no longer need to hear "you look great" in order to know I look great. I try to change the subject off my weight as soon as it starts.

And, you're right, NO ONE wants to hear that it took 5 years.








Edited by: SERENE_ME at: 10/29/2009 (07:21)

"The miracle is not that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." John (the Penguin) Bingham


Read my husband's and my story in the Globe and Mail - Canada's National Newspaper!( bit.ly/17d59Id )


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BAILEYS7OF9's Photo BAILEYS7OF9 Posts: 19,602
10/28/09 1:09 P

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RUSSLANE wrote "On another note, I was surprised that my weight-loss has given me a new perspective on thin people and how they think and feel. I now understand how a size 4 can feel fat sometimes. Interesting."

Oh that is so me today! I am in a size 2 and they are baggy and I feel fat and I FIND IT STRANGE too! I guess I am just bloated today.





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BETHANYBOO's Photo BETHANYBOO Posts: 2,040
10/28/09 9:46 A

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"I do get saddened when people say, "how long did it take?" and then they just aren't interested when I tell them 16 months. We live in a world that expects immediate gratification. *sigh*"

The funny thing about this is, that they will probably try to lose weight several times over the next 16 months and fail. If they would just commit to a *reasonable* weight loss plan and skip the BS starvation diets and diet pills, they could achieve their goals.

Personally I only lost 10-15 lbs and no one really seemed to notice or compliment because people thought I was already skinny at 138 lbs. People are starting to notice my biceps popping though and commenting on that... and I'm cool with that :)

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LEELYNN2's Photo LEELYNN2 SparkPoints: (0)
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10/25/09 9:44 P

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do you really draw a line between pre-weight loss and post-weight loss, like chapters in a book?

I don't think I do. but I do feel like the loosing weight part of my life is over. Maybe I think about it more like a subtext.

"Motivation is not something you find or lose, have or don't have. It is the product of how you see yourself in the world: active or passive, effective or ineffective, powerful or victimized, normal or pathological."
Coach Dean

"I hold this jagged stone in my chest of keepsakes" AUNTMOUSE


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KAYOTIC's Photo KAYOTIC Posts: 16,958
10/25/09 8:54 P

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I guess I put different parts of my life into chapters in a way. Mentally anyway. There was the child chapter, the college chapter, the spend-5-months-in-Europe-and-lose-45-pound
s chapter, the rest of my 20's chapter that ended w/ a failed marriage that should never have happened, the 30's, and now the 40's. Maybe it shouldn't be by decade, but I feel I've learned things in each chapter, and maybe the learning is slower now, but I'm still growing, learning, and evolving, so while I can categorize my life in sections, it is all the same path in the end.

I don't know that I really think in terms of "fat me" vs "thin me" or "fat life" vs "thin life" since I feel like I struggle with weight and food a lot. Since I found exercise it's easier, and I think I look and feel healthier, but the food part is still a struggle, there are so many temptations, and those habits are hard to put down.

Then again, I've found the sweetest victories come from the hardest struggles, so hopefully it will all be worth it in the end!

Edited by: KAYOTIC at: 10/25/2009 (20:54)
highest weight ever:202, SP starting weight: 143

H: 5''4" 53 y.o.

"Don''t let yesterday use up too much of today." Will Rogers

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants" Michael Pollan



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RUSSLANE's Photo RUSSLANE Posts: 501
10/25/09 8:22 P

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"On another note, I was surprised that my weight-loss has given me a new perspective on thin people and how they think and feel. I now understand how a size 4 can feel fat sometimes. Interesting."

Man, I need to check and see if there's a decent way to quote around here on these forums.

Yeah, I'm feeling huge in my 32 jeans (impossible!) at the moment ... it's why, I think at the heart of all this weight loss stuff in society right now, it's not really about "the number." It'a another reason why I feel maintenance and fat activism actually have a TON in common, but that's another discussion.

There's no right answer to the then vs. now thing, that's something everyone answers on their own terms. But for me the weight loss was always one part of a much larger goal, so yeah for me life is a clean break between the before and after. That's also why the whole Today thing was such a struggle for me ... it was looking at a chapter I had long since closed and didn't really want to reopen.



Best,
Russ Lane

-- Lost 200 pounds while food writing, and maintained it 10 years
-- Went from pizza-guzzling wallflower in rock clubs to (very) aspiring boxer and artist in his spare time
-- Hit goal and felt a little thrown to the wolves. Dedicated his life to increasing support for those at or nearing goal and eeking every possible amazing thing out of it.

Limits? Pah.

RAYLINSTEPHENS's Photo RAYLINSTEPHENS Posts: 45,894
10/25/09 7:27 P

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darn satellite posted twice, sorry.

Edited by: RAYLINSTEPHENS at: 10/25/2009 (19:28)
Linda
Central Time Zone
page 39 in The Spark

I didn't "make it happen" the first time, I "made it happen" the last time!



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RAYLINSTEPHENS's Photo RAYLINSTEPHENS Posts: 45,894
10/25/09 7:27 P

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*sheesh*
posted thrice

Edited by: RAYLINSTEPHENS at: 10/25/2009 (19:30)
Linda
Central Time Zone
page 39 in The Spark

I didn't "make it happen" the first time, I "made it happen" the last time!



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RAYLINSTEPHENS's Photo RAYLINSTEPHENS Posts: 45,894
10/25/09 7:22 P

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you asked, "But the "that was then and this is now" comment really interests me ... for everyone, do you really draw a line between pre-weight loss and post-weight loss, like chapters in a book?"

For me the answer is no, this is not pre-weight loss vs. post-weight loss. This is an ongoing journey that I will be taking for the rest of my life.

Some people are looking for a magic pill and I tell them this is a 'one day at a time' program that I will be on forever. I will not put the weight back on, that just is not an option for me.

Like others, I sometimes forget that I have lost so much weight - I am still me and always will be me. I am just in a smaller package but I forget that sometimes.

On another note, I was surprised that my weight-loss has given me a new perspective on thin people and how they think and feel. I now understand how a size 4 can feel fat sometimes. Interesting.


Linda
Central Time Zone
page 39 in The Spark

I didn't "make it happen" the first time, I "made it happen" the last time!



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RUSSLANE's Photo RUSSLANE Posts: 501
10/25/09 6:01 P

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this is really fascinating guys, thanks.

Couple of things I noticed in the comments I'd thought I'd point out:

A) There's a big difference between actual compliments and the backhanded ones.

B) Using the compliments as a springboard for fulfillng an intention/agenda (i.e. promoting how you lost weight, the method, what you think about it, etc.). BTW, I use "agena" in the broadest, neutral sense. Agendas get a bad wrap in most cases, but they can be positive or negative. The key question is "who benefits and how?"

Ray mentioned this with the Spark, but this applies to me too -- I want the public to understand the differences between losing weight and keeping it off, and how a body changes does/does not change your life ... making vague comments like "you can't just lose weight, you have to change your lifestyle" more specific and honest.

C) You so put the "Weight loss" part of your life behind you, and the frequent compliments keep bringing back up a chapter of your life you feel is closed.

D) The achievement continues to be reinforced.

One more I thought I'd throw out there ... everyone expects you to be a "Weight loss guru" and want to find the magic pill (figuratively speaking).

Those do burn me out, because (personally) I feel the last thing Weight Loss World needs is someone telling someone else "the perfect way." I usually say "if you really want to have a conversation about it, we can, but I'll tell you upfront you're already asking the wrong questions."

But the "that was then and this is now" comment really interests me ... for eveyrone, do you really draw a line between pre-weight loss and post-weight loss, like chapters in a book?

Best,
Russ Lane

-- Lost 200 pounds while food writing, and maintained it 10 years
-- Went from pizza-guzzling wallflower in rock clubs to (very) aspiring boxer and artist in his spare time
-- Hit goal and felt a little thrown to the wolves. Dedicated his life to increasing support for those at or nearing goal and eeking every possible amazing thing out of it.

Limits? Pah.

CD4182099 Posts: 1,809
10/25/09 2:27 P

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WATERMELLEN's Photo WATERMELLEN Posts: 9,014
10/24/09 9:35 P

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Love the idea of someone saying "you look exactly as good as you did last year" and they could even add "for the past 8 years" (but omitting the blip of 20 pity party pounds last February of course!).

But -- don't think that it's gonna happen.

And that's ok too. Maintaining's tougher than losing and part of the reason why is that the change isn't happening anymore -- and that IS the change! Healthy/fit/slim is normal -- and now what am I going to do with my life??



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KAYOTIC's Photo KAYOTIC Posts: 16,958
10/24/09 6:29 P

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Thinking back, I must admit the genuine compliments were hard to take at first, don't put me in the spotlight, what if it doesn't stick and the compliment has to be returned to sender...but as I went on in maintaining, I got better at just saying "thank you" and really feeling gratitude for the complimenter for noticing.

On the other hand those off-putting compliments, or backhanded ones, that's a different animal, and those continue to annoy. That said, I don't really notice this as an issue much. I think people are used to how I look now, how I eat now, how active I am, and pretty much keep their opinions to themselves.

highest weight ever:202, SP starting weight: 143

H: 5''4" 53 y.o.

"Don''t let yesterday use up too much of today." Will Rogers

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants" Michael Pollan



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RENA1965's Photo RENA1965 Posts: 17,878
10/24/09 12:04 P

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Just let folks say their peice and shrug my shoulders. I have been doing this 6 years so I have my feet on the ground, can't be flipped at everyone that just finds out how I looked before..
My workmates on the other hand get my before photo smashed down when they forget and don't understand why I ain't with them on the free food pigout..
I make my lunch I eat what I take with me, many people starve in this world so I am not a waster. Food is a basic need and if I want this morph to stay that I eat with respect for what it is basic fuel, not a social wahoo lets eat and die tomorrow attitude..

Edited by: RENA1965 at: 10/24/2009 (12:05)
"I shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me. Or I can be lost in the maze. My choice. My responsbility. Win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny."
-google first. ask questions later
.*) .*) .*)
(***Rena ***)
(.~ (.* ~ (.*


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LEELYNN2's Photo LEELYNN2 SparkPoints: (0)
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10/23/09 6:41 P

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I honestly get tired of the compliments especially when I run into people that I haven't seen in a while... then it's really weird because I've practically forgotten the losing part and am now patting myself on the back for every day I manage to maintain. The compliment I'd really like to hear is Wow... You look exactly as good as you did last year... that would sure make my day!

"Motivation is not something you find or lose, have or don't have. It is the product of how you see yourself in the world: active or passive, effective or ineffective, powerful or victimized, normal or pathological."
Coach Dean

"I hold this jagged stone in my chest of keepsakes" AUNTMOUSE


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IZZYJEAN's Photo IZZYJEAN Posts: 5,027
10/23/09 6:21 P

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I will the get the concerned look and someone saying "you are finished taking off weight, arn't you?" or "your not planning on getting thinner, I hope?" But the actual compliments are nice. Especially from people who know how hard I work. I have had one comment that really bothered me. A family member said it was not normal for someone my age (38) and married to be in such good shape!!! What does that mean??? I was offended but instead I said that I like how I look!!

RAYLINSTEPHENS's Photo RAYLINSTEPHENS Posts: 45,894
10/23/09 3:44 P

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Great question Russ!

I have run the gamut of you look wonderful to OMG poor Linda must be seriously ill!

I never get tired of telling people about SparkPeople and even made some cards for just this purpose.

I do wind up explaining how it doesn't happen overnight and no, I am not too thin; I don't really care about the loose skin, at least *not much* since I love the smaller clothes I can wear.

I do get saddened when people say, "how long did it take?" and then they just aren't interested when I tell them 16 months. We live in a world that expects immediate gratification. *sigh*

I love when people comment to me because it gives me another chance to spread the spark.

emoticon

Linda
Central Time Zone
page 39 in The Spark

I didn't "make it happen" the first time, I "made it happen" the last time!



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BAILEYS7OF9's Photo BAILEYS7OF9 Posts: 19,602
10/23/09 1:19 P

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I just recently got here, so no, I am not tired of them yet.

I am a little tired of the 'you better stop' comments that come from some people. I know when to stop. I have been too thin before and will not go there again. But they cannot see me naked so they don't see the little I still have to lose and or tighten.

Will be interesting to see what others have to say.





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RUSSLANE's Photo RUSSLANE Posts: 501
10/23/09 12:56 P

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www.secondhelpingonline.com/?
p=1764


One of my bloggers wrote about not getting compliments from her husband and all the politics and solutions to that concern.

But I was curious: do you get tired of having "the weight loss conversation?" or always accepting compliments? Do they get old after a while? do you want to move on already? Or do you have a hard time accepting them?



Best,
Russ Lane

-- Lost 200 pounds while food writing, and maintained it 10 years
-- Went from pizza-guzzling wallflower in rock clubs to (very) aspiring boxer and artist in his spare time
-- Hit goal and felt a little thrown to the wolves. Dedicated his life to increasing support for those at or nearing goal and eeking every possible amazing thing out of it.

Limits? Pah.

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